today. I’m going home.”
“Like hell you’re going home.” He stood facing her, his hands braced on his hips. “What happened? What did he do to you?”
Valentina knew who he meant but she couldn’t bear to recount the story. She turned away and sat on her bed. “I’m leaving. That’s all you need to know.”
“Oh, no.” He sat down beside her and tilted her face to his. “I need to know everything. I heard Lemaitre took you to his back room last night. Now, today, you’re packed up to leave. Something happened and I need to know what it was.”
“Nothing happened!” The rage in her voice surprised even her. She shrugged off Jason’s hand. “Nothing happened, except that he rejected and insulted me. He humiliated me. He said I didn’t...” Her voice roughened with the tightening of her throat. “He said I didn’t suit his tastes.”
Jason made a small sound beside her, a light exhalation that sounded suspiciously like
Thank God
.
“I have to leave,” she said, hugging a pillow to her waist. Her chest hurt from all the tears. “I have to go. I can’t bear to stay here.”
“Why? Because Michel Lemaitre rejected you? Welcome to Cirque du Monde. He rejects ninety-nine-point-nine percent of the people who offer themselves to him, and there’s a reason for that. Listen.” He took her shoulders and forced her to face him. “If he rejected you, it was to protect you. He has reasons for everything he does.”
“What reasons?” she cried, pulling away. She paced in a circle around her sad pile of belongings, old luggage and boxes of clothes and scraps and half-finished projects. That’s what she was—half-finished. She turned to Jason, throwing up her arms. “He says I am fire, that I inspire him. He does a whole show based on me, on my act. He...he...” She couldn’t say the rest, that he’d knelt before her and taken her pussy with his mouth, and made her come harder than she’d come in her life. “He had me, all of me, but he didn’t want me. I would have given him
anything
.”
Jason leaned back on her bed with a frown. “Do you think you’re the only person who feels that way? I know you think you’re special somehow, that you’re better than everyone else—”
“I don’t think that.”
“You do, and I understand why. You’re a completely unique person. But listen to me—when it comes to Lemaitre, that isn’t enough. He either chooses you or he doesn’t. If you’re not strong enough for him, he won’t play with you, point blank. If you’re not steady and well-adjusted, he won’t take the risk.”
Valentina ground her teeth together. She wanted to deny his words, refute the insinuation that she wasn’t steady and well-adjusted, but her actions in the last twelve hours spoke louder than words. She sank down on the bed beside him and threaded fingers through her hair. “He thinks I’m crazy. He thinks I’m insane.”
“Everyone thinks you’re insane,” he said gently, rubbing her shoulders. “That’s who you are, a crazy, impulsive person who’s not afraid of anything. It’s also the reason you can’t be with him.” His voice softened the slightest bit. “If he rejected you, you should be thankful. I am.”
“Why are you thankful?” she asked, trying to untangle the puzzle of his words. “Because you want to be with me?”
Jason gave her an exasperated smile that made her feel rejected all over again. “Have you ever heard of a thing called fidelity, Valentina? I don’t know the Italian word, but you should look it up. Also, the word ‘restraint.’”
“I know you’re engaged to Sara, and I know what restraint is, I just...” A hopeless sound escaped her. “I just don’t have that. I never have. I don’t know why.”
His arm tightened around her shoulder. “Because you’re crazy. That’s my theory. At the very least you’re hot-headed. Maybe it’s the color of your hair. Whatever it is, you have to understand that you won’t
“Like hell you’re going home.” He stood facing her, his hands braced on his hips. “What happened? What did he do to you?”
Valentina knew who he meant but she couldn’t bear to recount the story. She turned away and sat on her bed. “I’m leaving. That’s all you need to know.”
“Oh, no.” He sat down beside her and tilted her face to his. “I need to know everything. I heard Lemaitre took you to his back room last night. Now, today, you’re packed up to leave. Something happened and I need to know what it was.”
“Nothing happened!” The rage in her voice surprised even her. She shrugged off Jason’s hand. “Nothing happened, except that he rejected and insulted me. He humiliated me. He said I didn’t...” Her voice roughened with the tightening of her throat. “He said I didn’t suit his tastes.”
Jason made a small sound beside her, a light exhalation that sounded suspiciously like
Thank God
.
“I have to leave,” she said, hugging a pillow to her waist. Her chest hurt from all the tears. “I have to go. I can’t bear to stay here.”
“Why? Because Michel Lemaitre rejected you? Welcome to Cirque du Monde. He rejects ninety-nine-point-nine percent of the people who offer themselves to him, and there’s a reason for that. Listen.” He took her shoulders and forced her to face him. “If he rejected you, it was to protect you. He has reasons for everything he does.”
“What reasons?” she cried, pulling away. She paced in a circle around her sad pile of belongings, old luggage and boxes of clothes and scraps and half-finished projects. That’s what she was—half-finished. She turned to Jason, throwing up her arms. “He says I am fire, that I inspire him. He does a whole show based on me, on my act. He...he...” She couldn’t say the rest, that he’d knelt before her and taken her pussy with his mouth, and made her come harder than she’d come in her life. “He had me, all of me, but he didn’t want me. I would have given him
anything
.”
Jason leaned back on her bed with a frown. “Do you think you’re the only person who feels that way? I know you think you’re special somehow, that you’re better than everyone else—”
“I don’t think that.”
“You do, and I understand why. You’re a completely unique person. But listen to me—when it comes to Lemaitre, that isn’t enough. He either chooses you or he doesn’t. If you’re not strong enough for him, he won’t play with you, point blank. If you’re not steady and well-adjusted, he won’t take the risk.”
Valentina ground her teeth together. She wanted to deny his words, refute the insinuation that she wasn’t steady and well-adjusted, but her actions in the last twelve hours spoke louder than words. She sank down on the bed beside him and threaded fingers through her hair. “He thinks I’m crazy. He thinks I’m insane.”
“Everyone thinks you’re insane,” he said gently, rubbing her shoulders. “That’s who you are, a crazy, impulsive person who’s not afraid of anything. It’s also the reason you can’t be with him.” His voice softened the slightest bit. “If he rejected you, you should be thankful. I am.”
“Why are you thankful?” she asked, trying to untangle the puzzle of his words. “Because you want to be with me?”
Jason gave her an exasperated smile that made her feel rejected all over again. “Have you ever heard of a thing called fidelity, Valentina? I don’t know the Italian word, but you should look it up. Also, the word ‘restraint.’”
“I know you’re engaged to Sara, and I know what restraint is, I just...” A hopeless sound escaped her. “I just don’t have that. I never have. I don’t know why.”
His arm tightened around her shoulder. “Because you’re crazy. That’s my theory. At the very least you’re hot-headed. Maybe it’s the color of your hair. Whatever it is, you have to understand that you won’t
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