Meltdown

Meltdown by Ben Elton Page B

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Authors: Ben Elton
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bank’s hands off it for what I’m guessing will be at least a year it all goes to shit.’
    There was a pause during which Jimmy could feel himself sweating. The answer came in that wonderful voice, warm and honeyed. The voice that listeners to Radio 4 knew for its mouth-watering ability to describe the loveliest and most indulgent puddings. Lizzie sounded exactly as if she were reading a bedtime story and in a way she was, because she was about to produce a happy ending.
    ‘How much do you honestly think you need?’ Lizzie purred.
    ‘Honestly?’ Jimmy asked.
    ‘Honestly,’ Lizzie replied. ‘We’ve all been in denial about this for months. We’ve known you’re in trouble and Rupert says it’s big trouble, but until Monica phoned me today none of us had really sat down and talked about it. Tell me the truth.’
    Jimmy gulped. ‘Liz, if I could borrow a couple of million for a year . . .’
    He could see Monica’s jaw drop and her eyes widen in alarm, but he pressed on.
    ‘I think that would just about keep the bank, David’s firm and the other immediate creditors at bay. I mean this thing has to end, doesn’t it? Of course it does. Capitalism is cyclical and Mon and I own a street . Look, I know you’ve said you’ll take one of the houses as collateral, but how about this? How about I give you and Robbo half the entire future profit on the development? Only nine months ago that was projected at twenty million quid , Liz! I’ll give you half. Lend me two now and post-crunch you’ll be looking at ten, minimum.’
    For a moment it seemed to Jimmy as if the figures were real again, like they had been before. Not fantasy figures as he had now got used to seeing them, but real hard money that really did exist. Or soon would. It was so easy to slip back into that familiar mindset and it felt good to do so.
    Lizzie clearly sensed this and her voice, when she replied, seemed even warmer, even kinder, even more soothing than before and gently scolding in that wonderful, rather sexy way she had.
    ‘Jim. Don’t. This isn’t a deal. You don’t need to pitch me and you don’t need to sell me. It’s about mates , that’s all. I know you’ll pay me back when you can and that’s all I need to know. Forget collateral. When it’s all over you can get me a case of something yummy if you like. Some really good dessert wine would be lovely, or a nice big bold red , a Margaret River Cab Sav or something. But that’s it.’
    ‘So you’ll . . . you really will?’ Jimmy’s voice was breathless with hope. ‘Two million?’
    ‘Are you sure that’s enough?’ Lizzie replied.
    ‘Yes. That’s enough, Liz.’
    ‘Good, then we’ll do it. And I don’t want us to have to discuss this again. Mates help each other but it defeats the object if it affects the mateship. So we’ll do this and then forget about it until you sort things out. I’ll get Robbo to transfer you two million in the morning, it’s pretty simple. We’ve got easily that in gilts. And I insist that you do not ring to thank me. I do not want to discuss it again. We’ll get through this together. As mates.’
    Jimmy could not believe it. After months of ever-increasing despair everything was suddenly turning around. Two million would definitely see him through for a year, eighteen months probably. Lizzie was just amazing . She always had been. Impulsive. Instinctive. Organic . Like her biscuits. She followed her heart and it never let her down. She’d married Robson, for God’s sake! Only Lizzie could have guessed how good a marriage that would turn out to be. Everybody loved Robbo, of course, but surely no one in their right mind would marry him? But Lizzie had, thus ensuring herself a lifetime of domestic contentment to go along with her great business success.
    ‘I’ll set up a new account tomorrow,’ Jimmy replied.
    He did not need to explain further what he meant by that. Lizzie was easily a good enough businesswoman to understand

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