You said that Meghan is afraid of the dark. Go tell her that a monster lives under her bed, and it only comes out at night, and that you’re the reason she hasn’t been eaten yet. Tell her that every night you protect her from the monster, and that if you die she will be eaten.’
‘Budo, I can’t.’
‘It’s a rotten thing to do, I know, but you’re going to die if you don’t. You have to try.’
‘It’s okay,’ Graham says. ‘I’m ready to go.’
‘What does that mean you’re ready to go? Go where? You know what happens when you disappear?’
‘No, but it’s okay,’ she says again. ‘Whatever happens, I’ll be fine and Meghan will be fine.’
I can barely hear her now.
‘You have to try, Graham. Go over there and tell her that she needs you. Tell her about the monster under the bed!’
‘That’s not it, Budo. It doesn’t have to do with Meghan needing me. We were wrong. Meghan’s just growing up. First it’s me, and then it’ll be the tooth fairy, and next year it will be Santa Claus. She’s a big girl now.’
‘But the tooth fairy isn’t real and you are! Fight, Graham. Fight! Please! Don’t leave me!’
‘You’ve been a good friend to me, Budo, but I have to go now. I’m going to go sit next to Meghan now. I want to spend my last few minutes with her. Sitting next to my friend. It’s the only thing I’m really sad about.’
‘What?’
‘That I won’t be able to look at her anymore. See her grow up. I’m going to miss Meghan so much.’ She is quiet for a moment and then she adds, ‘I love her so much.’
I start crying. I don’t know it at first, because I have never cried before. My nose is suddenly clogged with boogers and my eyes feel wet. I feel warm and sad. So very sad. I feel like a hose with a kink in it, just waiting to let go and spray water everywhere. I feel like I am going to burst open with tears. But I’m glad that I’m crying, because I don’t have the words to say goodbye to Graham, and I know that I must. Graham will be gone very soon and I am going to lose my friend. I want to say goodbye and tell her how much I love her, too, but I don’t know how. I hope that my tears say it for me.
Graham stands up and smiles at me. She nods her head. Then she walks over to Meghan. She sits behind her and speaks in her ear. I don’t think Meghan can hear her anymore. Meghan is listening to Mrs Pandolfe and smiling.
I stand up. I go to the door. I want to leave. I don’t want to be here when Graham disappears. I look back one more time. Meghan has her hand raised again, ready to answer another question. Answer without stuttering. Graham is still sitting behind her, perched in a tiny first-grade chair. I can barely see her now. If Mrs Pandolfe opened the window and let a breeze in, I think that it might be enough to blow the last little bit of Graham away for ever.
I look one more time before I leave. Graham is still smiling. She’s staring at Meghan, craning her neck to see the little girl’s face, and she’s smiling.
I turn. I leave my friend behind.
CHAPTER 12
Mrs Gosk is teaching math. The kids are spread out around the room, rolling dice and calculating with their fingers. It takes me a minute to check all the corners of the room, but Max is not here. This is good. Max hates these games. He hates to roll dice and listen to kids scream when they roll two sixes. He just wants to solve his math problems and be left alone.
I’m not sure where Max is supposed to be right now. He could be in the Learning Center with Mrs McGinn and Mrs Patterson, or he could be in Mrs Hume’s office. It’s hard to keep track of Max because he sees so many teachers during the day. I’m also not very good at telling the time when a clock has hands on it, and that’s the only kind of clock that Mrs Gosk has in her classroom.
I check in Mrs Hume’s office first because it is the closest to Mrs Gosk’s room but Max is not there. Mrs Hume is talking to the
‘Budo, I can’t.’
‘It’s a rotten thing to do, I know, but you’re going to die if you don’t. You have to try.’
‘It’s okay,’ Graham says. ‘I’m ready to go.’
‘What does that mean you’re ready to go? Go where? You know what happens when you disappear?’
‘No, but it’s okay,’ she says again. ‘Whatever happens, I’ll be fine and Meghan will be fine.’
I can barely hear her now.
‘You have to try, Graham. Go over there and tell her that she needs you. Tell her about the monster under the bed!’
‘That’s not it, Budo. It doesn’t have to do with Meghan needing me. We were wrong. Meghan’s just growing up. First it’s me, and then it’ll be the tooth fairy, and next year it will be Santa Claus. She’s a big girl now.’
‘But the tooth fairy isn’t real and you are! Fight, Graham. Fight! Please! Don’t leave me!’
‘You’ve been a good friend to me, Budo, but I have to go now. I’m going to go sit next to Meghan now. I want to spend my last few minutes with her. Sitting next to my friend. It’s the only thing I’m really sad about.’
‘What?’
‘That I won’t be able to look at her anymore. See her grow up. I’m going to miss Meghan so much.’ She is quiet for a moment and then she adds, ‘I love her so much.’
I start crying. I don’t know it at first, because I have never cried before. My nose is suddenly clogged with boogers and my eyes feel wet. I feel warm and sad. So very sad. I feel like a hose with a kink in it, just waiting to let go and spray water everywhere. I feel like I am going to burst open with tears. But I’m glad that I’m crying, because I don’t have the words to say goodbye to Graham, and I know that I must. Graham will be gone very soon and I am going to lose my friend. I want to say goodbye and tell her how much I love her, too, but I don’t know how. I hope that my tears say it for me.
Graham stands up and smiles at me. She nods her head. Then she walks over to Meghan. She sits behind her and speaks in her ear. I don’t think Meghan can hear her anymore. Meghan is listening to Mrs Pandolfe and smiling.
I stand up. I go to the door. I want to leave. I don’t want to be here when Graham disappears. I look back one more time. Meghan has her hand raised again, ready to answer another question. Answer without stuttering. Graham is still sitting behind her, perched in a tiny first-grade chair. I can barely see her now. If Mrs Pandolfe opened the window and let a breeze in, I think that it might be enough to blow the last little bit of Graham away for ever.
I look one more time before I leave. Graham is still smiling. She’s staring at Meghan, craning her neck to see the little girl’s face, and she’s smiling.
I turn. I leave my friend behind.
CHAPTER 12
Mrs Gosk is teaching math. The kids are spread out around the room, rolling dice and calculating with their fingers. It takes me a minute to check all the corners of the room, but Max is not here. This is good. Max hates these games. He hates to roll dice and listen to kids scream when they roll two sixes. He just wants to solve his math problems and be left alone.
I’m not sure where Max is supposed to be right now. He could be in the Learning Center with Mrs McGinn and Mrs Patterson, or he could be in Mrs Hume’s office. It’s hard to keep track of Max because he sees so many teachers during the day. I’m also not very good at telling the time when a clock has hands on it, and that’s the only kind of clock that Mrs Gosk has in her classroom.
I check in Mrs Hume’s office first because it is the closest to Mrs Gosk’s room but Max is not there. Mrs Hume is talking to the
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