this remind you of that time in California, when an earthquake took out the electricity?”
Memories surfaced, and she gave a small smile. “Daddy was off somewhere, but you came over to stay with me until the worst of it was over.”
Ham remembered that he hadn’t wanted to leave at all, even hours later when things were again calm. But she was young then, and he’d had too much respect for her and her father to ever overstep himself.
“You denied being scared.” He grinned. “You were what? All of eighteen then—a woman, but still so young. Cute as hell. And so damned independent I thought you were going to throw me out in the middle of the quake just to prove you didn’t need me there.”
Chagrined, she rubbed away her smile. “I didn’t want you to know how nervous I was. Daddy didn’t like it when I gave in to fears.”
Reaching across the table, Ham took her hand. “Everyone gets afraid sometimes.”
“Not you.”
He half laughed until he realized she was serious. Then he shook his head. “Hell, honey, I live with fear.”
Her somber eyes filled with sympathy. “Because of the danger in what you do?”
“No.” Being totally honest, he said, “When I’m in a plane, instincts kick in. There isn’t time for fear, because I’m too busy reacting. I’m well trained, the air force has seen to that, and there’s a level of arrogance in knowing how qualified I am, sort of a feeling of invulnerability.”
She watched his face and her fingers tightened on his. “You love it, don’t you?”
Not like he loved her. “It’s hard to explain, Liv. What I do…It’s a calling to protect and serve my country, a calling I’ve felt compelled to follow since I was a kid. Just as you feel the need to teach. The air force is me, and I’m the air force.”
He felt her need to understand. It was there in her gaze, in the way she clutched at his hand, the sadness in her eyes. “I guess I have enough fear for both of us.”
Ham wanted her love and loyalty. Perhaps he should start by giving to her first. “So you want to know what does scare me?”
“What?”
He leaned closer. “You.”
“Me?” Her laugh was nervous and self-conscious.
“Yeah, you. You’re the most important person in the world to me, Liv, don’t you know that? You’re my family, and my friend. You’re the woman I think about when missiles and antiaircraft fire are thick. I fear leaving you alone. I fear never seeing you again.”
Her bottom lip began to quiver, and tears again threatened, breaking his heart. She was so precious to him, and she didn’t even realize it.
Damned emotion clogged his throat and he paused to swallow. Deliberately lightening the mood to spare her, he said, “Look at all this good food going to waste. Let’s finish up because I have something I want to show you.”
She accepted the change in topic gratefully. Pulling her hand away, she bit her lip and nodded. But then she paused, raising her face to his. “Ham?”
His heart pounded. “Yeah, baby?”
The seconds ticked by, and the tension grew.
“Thank you,” she whispered, “for being here with me.”
“Always.” He touched her chin, smoothed her jaw.
Her smile wavered, softened. With reluctance, she gave her attention back to her food.
When their plates were almost empty, she asked, “So. What are you going to show me?”
Another touchy subject, but one that couldn’t be avoided. “Before we see the funeral director tomorrow,I wanted to go over your dad’s belongings with you. I took some photos off his desk that might be nice to have at the ceremony, some commendations, too. The photos might be nice to display.”
“Daddy would like it to be a big event.”
Ham nodded. “Regular military funeral. Bugler, twenty-one gun salute…”
“The works.”
“Yeah.” He watched her face, and felt her pain. “You’ve been to military funerals before.”
“Too many.” She gripped her hands together. Knowing that many
Memories surfaced, and she gave a small smile. “Daddy was off somewhere, but you came over to stay with me until the worst of it was over.”
Ham remembered that he hadn’t wanted to leave at all, even hours later when things were again calm. But she was young then, and he’d had too much respect for her and her father to ever overstep himself.
“You denied being scared.” He grinned. “You were what? All of eighteen then—a woman, but still so young. Cute as hell. And so damned independent I thought you were going to throw me out in the middle of the quake just to prove you didn’t need me there.”
Chagrined, she rubbed away her smile. “I didn’t want you to know how nervous I was. Daddy didn’t like it when I gave in to fears.”
Reaching across the table, Ham took her hand. “Everyone gets afraid sometimes.”
“Not you.”
He half laughed until he realized she was serious. Then he shook his head. “Hell, honey, I live with fear.”
Her somber eyes filled with sympathy. “Because of the danger in what you do?”
“No.” Being totally honest, he said, “When I’m in a plane, instincts kick in. There isn’t time for fear, because I’m too busy reacting. I’m well trained, the air force has seen to that, and there’s a level of arrogance in knowing how qualified I am, sort of a feeling of invulnerability.”
She watched his face and her fingers tightened on his. “You love it, don’t you?”
Not like he loved her. “It’s hard to explain, Liv. What I do…It’s a calling to protect and serve my country, a calling I’ve felt compelled to follow since I was a kid. Just as you feel the need to teach. The air force is me, and I’m the air force.”
He felt her need to understand. It was there in her gaze, in the way she clutched at his hand, the sadness in her eyes. “I guess I have enough fear for both of us.”
Ham wanted her love and loyalty. Perhaps he should start by giving to her first. “So you want to know what does scare me?”
“What?”
He leaned closer. “You.”
“Me?” Her laugh was nervous and self-conscious.
“Yeah, you. You’re the most important person in the world to me, Liv, don’t you know that? You’re my family, and my friend. You’re the woman I think about when missiles and antiaircraft fire are thick. I fear leaving you alone. I fear never seeing you again.”
Her bottom lip began to quiver, and tears again threatened, breaking his heart. She was so precious to him, and she didn’t even realize it.
Damned emotion clogged his throat and he paused to swallow. Deliberately lightening the mood to spare her, he said, “Look at all this good food going to waste. Let’s finish up because I have something I want to show you.”
She accepted the change in topic gratefully. Pulling her hand away, she bit her lip and nodded. But then she paused, raising her face to his. “Ham?”
His heart pounded. “Yeah, baby?”
The seconds ticked by, and the tension grew.
“Thank you,” she whispered, “for being here with me.”
“Always.” He touched her chin, smoothed her jaw.
Her smile wavered, softened. With reluctance, she gave her attention back to her food.
When their plates were almost empty, she asked, “So. What are you going to show me?”
Another touchy subject, but one that couldn’t be avoided. “Before we see the funeral director tomorrow,I wanted to go over your dad’s belongings with you. I took some photos off his desk that might be nice to have at the ceremony, some commendations, too. The photos might be nice to display.”
“Daddy would like it to be a big event.”
Ham nodded. “Regular military funeral. Bugler, twenty-one gun salute…”
“The works.”
“Yeah.” He watched her face, and felt her pain. “You’ve been to military funerals before.”
“Too many.” She gripped her hands together. Knowing that many
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