the world do to you, Drew?”
“The world didn’t do anything.”
“Then who did?” I risked asking her. But she was getting angrier by the second and I didn’t care, just kept pushing. “The girl I remember was an open book. She told me everything. She hugged hard, laughed loud, and looked at me like I was worth a shit. She looked at me like she loved me.”
“I’m not her anymore,” she exhales refusing to look at me while I pour my fucking heart out.
“I can see that,” I admit sadly. “Just wondering who stole your shine. You tell me and when I find him, I’ll kill him for doing that to you.”
“I don’t see suicide being your thing,” she says hitting her cigarette and looking at me with so much hurt, I almost crumbled. “Because that would take balls, something you don’t have.”
“Woman,” I pray to the ceiling. “Enough with the mystery. Just tell me what I did!”
“Two words, Axle,” hearing her say my name gave me hope until she said, “ Mercy fuck .”
“Oh shit…” I wheeze, remembering Mike banging on my door that morning. “You heard that?”
A million emotions danced in her eyes but all she said was, “See yourself out, asshole.”
I didn’t see myself out, what I did was follow her sassy ass right up those steps. I did not give her a second to prepare for the moment I grabbed her hauling her to me. Because if I did she’d probably nut me again.
Forcing her to look at me, I was about to tear into her for getting it all wrong when I saw her eyes filled with unshed tears. Tears I caused and all these years and had no idea.
Drew was too pretty for tears and I was determined not to let them fall.
Not over a misunderstanding.
“You’re leaving?” he asked looking so confused I almost fell to the floor begging him to take the words back. But I would never beg. Not for him, not anyone. I swear to God when he reached for me I almost caved. Then those fucking words slapped me in the face and for the first time in my life, I nutted a guy. I needed him to hurt, to feel pain.
Axle would never know how much hurting him hurt me no more than he’d ever know that he’d taken my heart, my trust and my world and fucking destroyed it. Mercy fuck. Two words that would change the course of my life and I’d allow it.
Not only was I a terrible bluffer with the whole schedule thing, I hated that he believed it and that it caused him hurt. Then I hated myself for caring in the first fucking place! Feelings are for pussies remember?!?
And he’s the enemy for fuck’s sake! Get your shit together, Carol!
But the look on his face… as if, those two words hurt him too.
No.
He would not receive the benefit of the doubt. Not now, not after nine years of festering hate that started with him! Refusing to process any of this, when my fight or flight response kicked in, I ran for it.
Only I was on a boat, with no place to fucking run to .
Needing to breathe, needing to be left the hell alone, I was granted neither when he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.
“Let me go,” I tried demanding but it sounded more like a whine.
“Drew,” he said my name so softly, just like he used to and I hated him for it. I hated that I fell for his lies once, I couldn’t do it again. I hated that I let what happened that night affect me this long. I hated that I wasn’t her anymore. The girl who was all those things he mentioned and more. Because I did love him. I saw nothing but him.
Over the years, men have tried, good men, to get through to me but I mistreated everyone. I broke them, used them. Never, not once, did I enjoy it but I reasoned that it was better it be their heart than mine. For everyone I hurt, I always hoped Axle somehow felt it. So when he kisses my nose, the tears did fall and I hated that too. “Wish you would have talked to me,” he says using his thumb to wipe my cheeks. “I would have explained to you why I said it.”
Just like that, I
“The world didn’t do anything.”
“Then who did?” I risked asking her. But she was getting angrier by the second and I didn’t care, just kept pushing. “The girl I remember was an open book. She told me everything. She hugged hard, laughed loud, and looked at me like I was worth a shit. She looked at me like she loved me.”
“I’m not her anymore,” she exhales refusing to look at me while I pour my fucking heart out.
“I can see that,” I admit sadly. “Just wondering who stole your shine. You tell me and when I find him, I’ll kill him for doing that to you.”
“I don’t see suicide being your thing,” she says hitting her cigarette and looking at me with so much hurt, I almost crumbled. “Because that would take balls, something you don’t have.”
“Woman,” I pray to the ceiling. “Enough with the mystery. Just tell me what I did!”
“Two words, Axle,” hearing her say my name gave me hope until she said, “ Mercy fuck .”
“Oh shit…” I wheeze, remembering Mike banging on my door that morning. “You heard that?”
A million emotions danced in her eyes but all she said was, “See yourself out, asshole.”
I didn’t see myself out, what I did was follow her sassy ass right up those steps. I did not give her a second to prepare for the moment I grabbed her hauling her to me. Because if I did she’d probably nut me again.
Forcing her to look at me, I was about to tear into her for getting it all wrong when I saw her eyes filled with unshed tears. Tears I caused and all these years and had no idea.
Drew was too pretty for tears and I was determined not to let them fall.
Not over a misunderstanding.
“You’re leaving?” he asked looking so confused I almost fell to the floor begging him to take the words back. But I would never beg. Not for him, not anyone. I swear to God when he reached for me I almost caved. Then those fucking words slapped me in the face and for the first time in my life, I nutted a guy. I needed him to hurt, to feel pain.
Axle would never know how much hurting him hurt me no more than he’d ever know that he’d taken my heart, my trust and my world and fucking destroyed it. Mercy fuck. Two words that would change the course of my life and I’d allow it.
Not only was I a terrible bluffer with the whole schedule thing, I hated that he believed it and that it caused him hurt. Then I hated myself for caring in the first fucking place! Feelings are for pussies remember?!?
And he’s the enemy for fuck’s sake! Get your shit together, Carol!
But the look on his face… as if, those two words hurt him too.
No.
He would not receive the benefit of the doubt. Not now, not after nine years of festering hate that started with him! Refusing to process any of this, when my fight or flight response kicked in, I ran for it.
Only I was on a boat, with no place to fucking run to .
Needing to breathe, needing to be left the hell alone, I was granted neither when he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.
“Let me go,” I tried demanding but it sounded more like a whine.
“Drew,” he said my name so softly, just like he used to and I hated him for it. I hated that I fell for his lies once, I couldn’t do it again. I hated that I let what happened that night affect me this long. I hated that I wasn’t her anymore. The girl who was all those things he mentioned and more. Because I did love him. I saw nothing but him.
Over the years, men have tried, good men, to get through to me but I mistreated everyone. I broke them, used them. Never, not once, did I enjoy it but I reasoned that it was better it be their heart than mine. For everyone I hurt, I always hoped Axle somehow felt it. So when he kisses my nose, the tears did fall and I hated that too. “Wish you would have talked to me,” he says using his thumb to wipe my cheeks. “I would have explained to you why I said it.”
Just like that, I
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