attention, by the way, was from the King of Sicily. Wilgefortis’s dad wanted her to marry him. When she woke up with the beard, the King of Sicily changed his mind, which was exactly what she prayed for. Her father did have her crucified though. ‘Come on, Anthony. It’s a brilliant idea.’
He shook his head. ‘Nice but not practical. Where would you find 458 poor people?’
‘The world is full of poor people. The whole world is poor nearly. You’ve only got to look at the telly.’
‘Yes, on the telly but not round here. There’s no poor people round here. The house prices keep them out.’ He explained about house pricing and social zoning. ‘We live in an exclusive development, which means there are no poor people here. The only people who can afford to live here are nice people. You must’ve noticed. It’s not like where we used to live.’
He was right. In St Francis’s day, there were lepers, beggars, mendicants, orphans and young women forced to sell their honour on every corner. Nowadays, you could walk from Cromarty Close to Great Ditton Primary every day for the rest of your life and never meet a young woman forced to sell her honour.
‘Now, I’ve got an idea that is practical.’
‘Go on.’
‘We buy a house.’
‘But we can’t just spend it. It’s been given to us for a higher purpose.’
‘That’s the beauty of it. When you buy a house, you’re not spending the money. You’re keeping it. It’s called investing. Houses are always going up in price. If you buy a house now, for say a 150,000 pounds, in ten years’ time it will be worth maybe 300,000 pounds. So when you sell it, you will make 150,000 pounds’ profit. That’s called equity. You must have heard of equity.’
‘I don’t want equity.’
‘It’ll be great. We can get rid of all the money in one go, and when we’re older sell the house, and we’ll have even more money then than we’ve got now. And in the meantime, we can keep our stuff in there. It’d be better than your cardboard den.’
I tried to explain the difference between a den and a hermitage, but it fell on deaf ears.
In the estate agent’s, Anthony went up to the counter, like it was a sweet shop, and said, ‘Have you got any houses in Swindon?’ He was mad on Swindon, because that’s the place where house prices were going up fastest.
‘Well, no,’ said the woman. ‘We only really do local. Most of our customers want a house where they actually live.’
‘This is for an investment portfolio.’
‘Oh, is it really? Oh, well, then. Is this a project for school?’
Anthony immediately invented a non-existent project, a non-existent school and a non-existent teacher. Honestly, if he was telling you this story, you wouldn’t know which bits were true and which weren’t.
The woman was very kind. She told him all about how mortgages work and she gave him piles of leaflets, describing available properties, mostly three-bedroom detached new-builds.
‘What if you don’t want a mortgage? What if you wanted to just pay all at once in cash?’
‘Well, you’d need a wheelbarrow and a lot of security.’
Anthony laughed. He had to explain the funny side of this to me later. It was about how hard it would be to carry such a lot of cash. ‘People don’t really understand just how little 229,000 pounds really is,’ he said sadly.
The minute we got home he went through all the leaflets, looking for a property that was not too near our house (in case Dad got suspicious) but not too far away (so we could keep an eye on it).
I did say, ‘Anthony, this isn’t right. We don’t want a house. We’ve got a house. What’s the point of having two houses? Think about it.’
He handed me one of the leaflets. It was a picture of our old house. Underneath, it said it was a character property with surviving period details, inc. fire surround, in a settled residential area. Two bedrooms, two reception, kitchen and separate utility room. And that
He shook his head. ‘Nice but not practical. Where would you find 458 poor people?’
‘The world is full of poor people. The whole world is poor nearly. You’ve only got to look at the telly.’
‘Yes, on the telly but not round here. There’s no poor people round here. The house prices keep them out.’ He explained about house pricing and social zoning. ‘We live in an exclusive development, which means there are no poor people here. The only people who can afford to live here are nice people. You must’ve noticed. It’s not like where we used to live.’
He was right. In St Francis’s day, there were lepers, beggars, mendicants, orphans and young women forced to sell their honour on every corner. Nowadays, you could walk from Cromarty Close to Great Ditton Primary every day for the rest of your life and never meet a young woman forced to sell her honour.
‘Now, I’ve got an idea that is practical.’
‘Go on.’
‘We buy a house.’
‘But we can’t just spend it. It’s been given to us for a higher purpose.’
‘That’s the beauty of it. When you buy a house, you’re not spending the money. You’re keeping it. It’s called investing. Houses are always going up in price. If you buy a house now, for say a 150,000 pounds, in ten years’ time it will be worth maybe 300,000 pounds. So when you sell it, you will make 150,000 pounds’ profit. That’s called equity. You must have heard of equity.’
‘I don’t want equity.’
‘It’ll be great. We can get rid of all the money in one go, and when we’re older sell the house, and we’ll have even more money then than we’ve got now. And in the meantime, we can keep our stuff in there. It’d be better than your cardboard den.’
I tried to explain the difference between a den and a hermitage, but it fell on deaf ears.
In the estate agent’s, Anthony went up to the counter, like it was a sweet shop, and said, ‘Have you got any houses in Swindon?’ He was mad on Swindon, because that’s the place where house prices were going up fastest.
‘Well, no,’ said the woman. ‘We only really do local. Most of our customers want a house where they actually live.’
‘This is for an investment portfolio.’
‘Oh, is it really? Oh, well, then. Is this a project for school?’
Anthony immediately invented a non-existent project, a non-existent school and a non-existent teacher. Honestly, if he was telling you this story, you wouldn’t know which bits were true and which weren’t.
The woman was very kind. She told him all about how mortgages work and she gave him piles of leaflets, describing available properties, mostly three-bedroom detached new-builds.
‘What if you don’t want a mortgage? What if you wanted to just pay all at once in cash?’
‘Well, you’d need a wheelbarrow and a lot of security.’
Anthony laughed. He had to explain the funny side of this to me later. It was about how hard it would be to carry such a lot of cash. ‘People don’t really understand just how little 229,000 pounds really is,’ he said sadly.
The minute we got home he went through all the leaflets, looking for a property that was not too near our house (in case Dad got suspicious) but not too far away (so we could keep an eye on it).
I did say, ‘Anthony, this isn’t right. We don’t want a house. We’ve got a house. What’s the point of having two houses? Think about it.’
He handed me one of the leaflets. It was a picture of our old house. Underneath, it said it was a character property with surviving period details, inc. fire surround, in a settled residential area. Two bedrooms, two reception, kitchen and separate utility room. And that
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