situation?
There are almost certainly other reasons. Come up with as many alternative explanations as you can before picking out the ones that are most likely to be valid.
4. If the alternative explanations and the evidence aren’t enough, what are the real consequences if your belief is correct? (i.e., so what?)
You might well have built this belief up into an enormous thing in your mind. A reality check will help put it back into perspective. Indeed, so much so that the belief may become largely irrelevant.
5. If you are still holding on to your original belief, how useful is it to have this view?
Even when all other arguments haven’t worked, holding on to this negative belief is unlikely to help. Better to see it differently, say, as a good base from which to build.
6. Given this argument with yourself, what will you do to improve the situation?
There are usually lots of things you can do to improve the situation. Write them all down before deciding what to do (otherwise, you will face roughly the same situation the next time, and since your previous approach to the situation didn’t work, it probably won’t work next time either). Then, of all the possible actions you’ve listed, decide which you will actually do and when.
Avoid Optimistic or Pessimistic Ruts
Most of us have decided how we look at life, and we tend to use the same approach for most everything. Quite simply, this is your mind-set. If you’ve found that a sense of realism is helpful in one part of your life—say, buying a house or submitting weekly reports at work—then you are likely to use the same sense of realism in every other part of your life, even if it is having the opposite effect from the one that you want. Your upbringing also has a strong influence on how you approach your life.
Once you are aware of how you tend to look at things and of your explanatory style, you can decide whether to change. This chapter and the diagnostic hopefully helped you realize how you can change the way you look at things, how you can be more attentively optimistic—and, for that matter, pessimistic when it will work to your advantage.
Of course, knowing is one thing, doing is quite another. This is an exercise book. You won’t get the true benefits until you work out.
----
GIVE YOUR MIND A WORKOUT
----
Beginner: Look for the Upside
Learn to Spot Optimism
Before you know what to look for in yourself, learn to spot optimism and pessimism in others.
1. Scan for pessimists. Watch and listen to find friends, colleagues, and celebrities being interviewed on the radio or TV—anyone who is entirely pessimistic in the way they present their situation. Listen intently as they describe negative events as universal and permanent, and positive events as mere circumstances.
2. Scan for optimists. Watch and listen for people being entirely optimistic in the way they present their situation. Listen intently as they describe positive events as universal and permanent, and negative events as mere circumstances.
Find the Positive
Psychologist Martin Seligman came up with the following “Three Good Things” exercise and tested its validity in increasing optimistic feelings. 10 His research demonstrates that this exercise provides lasting happiness and fewer depressive feelings, which continues months after completing the exercise. So why not give it a try?
1. Every night for a month, write down three good things that happened that day and what caused them.
2. After each good thing, write what it means to you. Keep this in a journal or notebook so you can return to it and review what you wrote. They say it’s the little things that count, and after this month, you’ll likely agree.
Advanced: Argue with Yourself
Think of this exercise not as a lesson in understanding but as an activity that results in a winning argument.
1. Choose a perception you have about yourself that you would like to change—for example, a negative perception of what you are capable
There are almost certainly other reasons. Come up with as many alternative explanations as you can before picking out the ones that are most likely to be valid.
4. If the alternative explanations and the evidence aren’t enough, what are the real consequences if your belief is correct? (i.e., so what?)
You might well have built this belief up into an enormous thing in your mind. A reality check will help put it back into perspective. Indeed, so much so that the belief may become largely irrelevant.
5. If you are still holding on to your original belief, how useful is it to have this view?
Even when all other arguments haven’t worked, holding on to this negative belief is unlikely to help. Better to see it differently, say, as a good base from which to build.
6. Given this argument with yourself, what will you do to improve the situation?
There are usually lots of things you can do to improve the situation. Write them all down before deciding what to do (otherwise, you will face roughly the same situation the next time, and since your previous approach to the situation didn’t work, it probably won’t work next time either). Then, of all the possible actions you’ve listed, decide which you will actually do and when.
Avoid Optimistic or Pessimistic Ruts
Most of us have decided how we look at life, and we tend to use the same approach for most everything. Quite simply, this is your mind-set. If you’ve found that a sense of realism is helpful in one part of your life—say, buying a house or submitting weekly reports at work—then you are likely to use the same sense of realism in every other part of your life, even if it is having the opposite effect from the one that you want. Your upbringing also has a strong influence on how you approach your life.
Once you are aware of how you tend to look at things and of your explanatory style, you can decide whether to change. This chapter and the diagnostic hopefully helped you realize how you can change the way you look at things, how you can be more attentively optimistic—and, for that matter, pessimistic when it will work to your advantage.
Of course, knowing is one thing, doing is quite another. This is an exercise book. You won’t get the true benefits until you work out.
----
GIVE YOUR MIND A WORKOUT
----
Beginner: Look for the Upside
Learn to Spot Optimism
Before you know what to look for in yourself, learn to spot optimism and pessimism in others.
1. Scan for pessimists. Watch and listen to find friends, colleagues, and celebrities being interviewed on the radio or TV—anyone who is entirely pessimistic in the way they present their situation. Listen intently as they describe negative events as universal and permanent, and positive events as mere circumstances.
2. Scan for optimists. Watch and listen for people being entirely optimistic in the way they present their situation. Listen intently as they describe positive events as universal and permanent, and negative events as mere circumstances.
Find the Positive
Psychologist Martin Seligman came up with the following “Three Good Things” exercise and tested its validity in increasing optimistic feelings. 10 His research demonstrates that this exercise provides lasting happiness and fewer depressive feelings, which continues months after completing the exercise. So why not give it a try?
1. Every night for a month, write down three good things that happened that day and what caused them.
2. After each good thing, write what it means to you. Keep this in a journal or notebook so you can return to it and review what you wrote. They say it’s the little things that count, and after this month, you’ll likely agree.
Advanced: Argue with Yourself
Think of this exercise not as a lesson in understanding but as an activity that results in a winning argument.
1. Choose a perception you have about yourself that you would like to change—for example, a negative perception of what you are capable
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