Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari, Eric Klinenberg Page A

force the word “who” into conversation to make sure this beautiful woman could spell a simple three-letter word. Every time, she spelled it “hoo.” He said it ruined everything. (
NOTE:
We did confirm that this was a woman and not an owl.)
    ARE WE “HANGING OUT” OR GOING OUT ON A DATE?
    Another thing that really pisses women off is when dudes ask them to “hang out. ” The lack of clarity over whether the meet-up is even an actual date frustrates both sexes to no end, but since it’s usually the guys initiating, this is a clear area where men can step it up.
    “It’s becoming too common for guys to ask girls to ‘hang out’ rather than directly asking them on a date,” said one woman. “I’m not sure if it’s because guys are afraid of rejection or because they want to seem casual about it, but it can leave one (or both) people unsure about whether or not they’re even on a date.”
    When you are forward in this regard, it can really help you stand out from the crowd. A girl from our subreddit recalled meeting a guy at a loud party: “After I left he texted me, ‘Hi [name redacted], this is [first name, last name], we’re going on a date.’ His confidence, straightforwardness, and refreshingly gentlemanly approach (vs. skirting around ‘lets hang out some time’) made for an incredible first impression and had a lasting effect.”
    THE GOOD TEXTS
    Not all guys are bozos. We also found some really great texts that gave me hope for the modern man. While a phone call may be great, the advantage of texting is that it can allow a guy or girl to craft a great, thoughtful message that can build attraction.
    We were also able to spot some specific traits these successful texts shared. After speaking with hundreds of men and women, the following three things seemed most important.
    A FIRM INVITATION TO SOMETHING SPECIFIC AT A SPECIFIC TIME
    There is a monumental difference in the fortunes of the guy who texts a girl, “Hey wuts goin on?” versus “Hey Katie, it was great meeting you on Saturday. If you’re around next week, I would love to take you to dinner at that restaurant we were talking about. Let me know if you’re free.”
    These two guys could have the same intentions and feelings in their hearts, but the girl they’re texting will never know that. She’s going to decide whom to go out with based in part on how she interprets the short little messages that pop up on her phone. The lack of specificity in “Wanna do something sometime next week?” is a huge negative to women. The people interviewed overwhelmingly preferred to have a very specific (and ideally interesting and fun) thing presented with a firm invitation.
    SOME CALLBACK TO THE LAST PREVIOUS IN-PERSON INTERACTION
    This proves you were truly engaged when you last hung out and seemed to go a long way with women. One guy remembered that a girl was moving and in his text said, “I hope your move went well.” The woman we interviewed brought this up and said it had happened
years
ago but she still remembered it.
    Another gentleman shared a story on the subreddit where he met a girl at a bar and they talked for a while and at some point he brought up the band Broken Bells and recommended she check it out. The next morning he received a text saying, “I think October is my favorite song on the Broken Bells album.” “October” was also
his
favorite song on the album. “Not only did she listen to my recommendation, but we connected in a very strong way. That was the beginning of the conversation, and we’ve been talking since,” he said.
    There was also this story from a young woman: “One time, I met a guy at a party. When I got home, he texted me, ‘good night little Audrey.’ That’s not my name. I figured he was just too drunk to remember. After I confronted him about this, he said that he called me Audrey because I told him that I looked up to Audrey Hepburn. It was actually pretty sweet.”
    I hope you aren’t holding