day, but it’s Susie. Along with Anna, Susie is one of my closest friends in London. She’s married to Mark, who works in property, and they have two children: Rose, three years old and my god-daughter, and Oliver, who’s four months old.
Susie was one of the first friends I made in student halls. We met in the communal kitchen area, where I was about to cook my boil-in-the-bag chicken and Susie was heating something up in the microwave. She had her back to me and was dressed in a miniskirt and knee-high boots. Her hair was short, almost cut in a boy’s style, but when she turned I could see how much it suited her elfin features. The microwave pinged and out came a little white tray filled with brown mush. She peered down at it and we both laughed. ‘Fancy a pizza?’ she said.
She lives in Balham, has worked in insurance, but is now a full-time mum, but luckily has no intention of leaving London just yet.
‘Gilly?’ Susie says with hesitation.
I don’t like the sound of this already. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘I don’t know how to tell you this.’ She pauses. ‘I was out last night . . .’
‘And?’
‘Oh God. I heard that Ed got married yesterday. I’m so sorry. Gilly? Are you there? Are you all right?’
Susie asks me what I’m doing today, telling me that she’s meant to be seeing Mark’s granny, but he can easily go on his own. ‘She had an accident recently. She can’t feel her feet but insists on driving, so what does she go and do? Drives into her porch and knocks the whole thing down.’
I can’t help laughing nervously. ‘Oh God, did she hurt herself?’
‘No! Not a single scratch. Anyway, I don’t have to go, if you want to come over.’
I tell her I’m meeting up with Nick and the children in the park.
‘OK. Good. I just didn’t want you to be on your own.’
‘I’ll be fine,’ I assure her, stroking Rusk, curled up on my lap. ‘Honestly, Susie, no one’s died, I’ve still got so much,’ I say, not wanting to scream that I’m so lonely and I hate it that he’s married someone so quickly. Bastard. I curse my father for his stiff-upper-lip treatment. He didn’t like it when Nick and I showed too much emotion; he’d send us to our bedrooms to calm down.
‘Gilly, you don’t have to be brave, not with me,’ Susie says.
‘I know,’ I stammer. ‘Yesterday?’ I say out loud, thinking.
‘Gilly?’
‘Good.’
‘Good?’
‘It was raining.’ I smile.
‘Oh, Gilly. It was pouring,’ she adds.
I put down the phone. Married yesterday? Ed hated rushing into things. Proposing, engagement and marriage all within a year was not his style. Maybe he met her when he was still with me? I shall never know.
The telephone rings. I pray it’s not my brother cancelling me. I don’t want to be alone today. It’s Nick, telling me Hannah has caught some bug and Matilda has got lice. There’s an epidemic at school.
‘Keep still, Tilda!’ I hear Nancy scream in the background.
‘Come on, Ruskin,’ I tell him. ‘It’s a shitty day, but we mustn’t sit inside and mope about Ed. I deserve better than a coward who didn’t have the courage to tell me face to face, don’t I? Yes I do. Come on, let’s hit the park.’ Ruskin wags his tail as I get his lead and looks up at me with love in his eyes. ‘It’s just you and me today, just the two of us, my angel, and we are going to have a ball.’
As Ruskin and I enter the park the August sky threatens another thunderstorm. I walk past the playground area, water dripping off the swing seats.
Ruskin plunges happily through the muddy puddles.
In the distance I see someone wearing a hat, trainers and a cord jacket. It can only be him. My heart immediately lifts as I watch him chasing his dog round and round in circles. ‘Trouble!’ he calls desperately.
When I reach him Trouble and Ruskin do the usual sniffing of each other, though this time Ruskin takes it a step too far. At my age I shouldn’t be embarrassed, but I
Susie was one of the first friends I made in student halls. We met in the communal kitchen area, where I was about to cook my boil-in-the-bag chicken and Susie was heating something up in the microwave. She had her back to me and was dressed in a miniskirt and knee-high boots. Her hair was short, almost cut in a boy’s style, but when she turned I could see how much it suited her elfin features. The microwave pinged and out came a little white tray filled with brown mush. She peered down at it and we both laughed. ‘Fancy a pizza?’ she said.
She lives in Balham, has worked in insurance, but is now a full-time mum, but luckily has no intention of leaving London just yet.
‘Gilly?’ Susie says with hesitation.
I don’t like the sound of this already. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘I don’t know how to tell you this.’ She pauses. ‘I was out last night . . .’
‘And?’
‘Oh God. I heard that Ed got married yesterday. I’m so sorry. Gilly? Are you there? Are you all right?’
Susie asks me what I’m doing today, telling me that she’s meant to be seeing Mark’s granny, but he can easily go on his own. ‘She had an accident recently. She can’t feel her feet but insists on driving, so what does she go and do? Drives into her porch and knocks the whole thing down.’
I can’t help laughing nervously. ‘Oh God, did she hurt herself?’
‘No! Not a single scratch. Anyway, I don’t have to go, if you want to come over.’
I tell her I’m meeting up with Nick and the children in the park.
‘OK. Good. I just didn’t want you to be on your own.’
‘I’ll be fine,’ I assure her, stroking Rusk, curled up on my lap. ‘Honestly, Susie, no one’s died, I’ve still got so much,’ I say, not wanting to scream that I’m so lonely and I hate it that he’s married someone so quickly. Bastard. I curse my father for his stiff-upper-lip treatment. He didn’t like it when Nick and I showed too much emotion; he’d send us to our bedrooms to calm down.
‘Gilly, you don’t have to be brave, not with me,’ Susie says.
‘I know,’ I stammer. ‘Yesterday?’ I say out loud, thinking.
‘Gilly?’
‘Good.’
‘Good?’
‘It was raining.’ I smile.
‘Oh, Gilly. It was pouring,’ she adds.
I put down the phone. Married yesterday? Ed hated rushing into things. Proposing, engagement and marriage all within a year was not his style. Maybe he met her when he was still with me? I shall never know.
The telephone rings. I pray it’s not my brother cancelling me. I don’t want to be alone today. It’s Nick, telling me Hannah has caught some bug and Matilda has got lice. There’s an epidemic at school.
‘Keep still, Tilda!’ I hear Nancy scream in the background.
‘Come on, Ruskin,’ I tell him. ‘It’s a shitty day, but we mustn’t sit inside and mope about Ed. I deserve better than a coward who didn’t have the courage to tell me face to face, don’t I? Yes I do. Come on, let’s hit the park.’ Ruskin wags his tail as I get his lead and looks up at me with love in his eyes. ‘It’s just you and me today, just the two of us, my angel, and we are going to have a ball.’
As Ruskin and I enter the park the August sky threatens another thunderstorm. I walk past the playground area, water dripping off the swing seats.
Ruskin plunges happily through the muddy puddles.
In the distance I see someone wearing a hat, trainers and a cord jacket. It can only be him. My heart immediately lifts as I watch him chasing his dog round and round in circles. ‘Trouble!’ he calls desperately.
When I reach him Trouble and Ruskin do the usual sniffing of each other, though this time Ruskin takes it a step too far. At my age I shouldn’t be embarrassed, but I
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