what I have to say. I’m different now. Things have
changed radically between us. I’m no longer jealous. Please don’t
push me away.”
His laugh was
bitter and angry. I hoped I’d never hear anything like it again.
“ I pushed you away? I don’t think so.”
The tears still
streamed down my face as I just sat there, staring at him. It was
as if the Luke I had come to know no longer existed. I couldn’t
feel our connection. His eyes appeared darker and I shivered in the
chill of their harsh judgment. It was as if the devil had arrived
to transport me to hell.
“ Now , Jane,” he commanded. His contemptuous eyes
dismissed me as he left the room.
I didn’t stir
right away. I knew what I had to do, but I didn’t know if I could
do it. I willed myself to rise and stagger the short distance
between my writing room and the bedroom. I was like a prisoner on
the way to the gas chamber. I ignored the suitcases packed for
Japan and went to the closet. I gathered what I would need for a few days. I threw all of
my toiletries into the bag and closed the door. For the first time
I dressed in my running clothes while in the bedroom.
Back in my
writing room, I loaded the computer into my backpack. I passed
Luke’s office without looking in. Grabbing the keys off the counter
in the kitchen, I left through the front door. After I loaded my
heavy pack onto my back—wincing at the pain—I had no idea where to
go. My mother’s place was out of the question, and I was too
mortified at the thought of proving my friends right by running to
them. Getting in touch with Scott crossed my mind, but Luke had
forbidden me to have contact with him. In case there was any chance
of reconciliation with Luke, I didn’t want to commit any other
unforgivable acts.
I started toward
the boardwalk where I usually ran. Halfway there I realized I had
left my cellphone on the charger. I knew Luke would leave for Japan
tomorrow. I could go back to the house then to get more of my
things. For a while I paused, then shuffled back and forth trying
to make up my mind. I was paralyzed with worry because Luke
wouldn’t be able to contact me if he reconsidered sending me to
Marcello’s. I thought of going back to the house, but my fear of
Marcello and of Luke’s anger and disappointment kept me pressing
forward.
Hiking the ten
blocks to the usual spot where I began my runs, I went into one of
the t-shirt shops to ask if they could keep my stuff behind the
counter for a while. Then, dodging the crowds on the boardwalk, I
ran until I was spent. I didn’t care who saw me and I didn’t care
how much it hurt my healing back. Rather than dwelling on the
enormity of what had just happened, I tried to formulate a plan for
the immediate future. Where should I go?
When I finished
stretching I trudged onto the sand, still at a loss what to do. I
watched the waves for a while, hoping an answer might come to me,
but none did.
I retrieved my
things from the shop and headed up Dania Beach Boulevard. The
stupidity of giving up my apartment and car hit me hard. For once I
should have listened to my mother.
As I reached the
corner of Griffin and US1, I saw Pandora’s Box on the left.
Gingerly removing my pack, I sat on one of the parking stumps and
stared at the shop and then at the motel across the street. I
decided the shop was a possible solution. I stowed my stuff behind
a bush around the wall of the building and held my breath as I rang
the bell.
The buzz of the
door unlocking gave me brief hope. I quickly grasped the handle and
pushed my way in.
“ Can I
help you?” Christian said from behind the counter. Then he
recognized me. As soon as we made eye contact, the tears streamed
down my face.
“ Jane,
what is it?” he said. His long, skinny form glided out from behind
the counter. The Alex Clare concert t-shirt and baggie shorts along
with the scruffy hair on his chin gave him a skater boy look. A
leather rope held his shoulder-length curly brown
changed radically between us. I’m no longer jealous. Please don’t
push me away.”
His laugh was
bitter and angry. I hoped I’d never hear anything like it again.
“ I pushed you away? I don’t think so.”
The tears still
streamed down my face as I just sat there, staring at him. It was
as if the Luke I had come to know no longer existed. I couldn’t
feel our connection. His eyes appeared darker and I shivered in the
chill of their harsh judgment. It was as if the devil had arrived
to transport me to hell.
“ Now , Jane,” he commanded. His contemptuous eyes
dismissed me as he left the room.
I didn’t stir
right away. I knew what I had to do, but I didn’t know if I could
do it. I willed myself to rise and stagger the short distance
between my writing room and the bedroom. I was like a prisoner on
the way to the gas chamber. I ignored the suitcases packed for
Japan and went to the closet. I gathered what I would need for a few days. I threw all of
my toiletries into the bag and closed the door. For the first time
I dressed in my running clothes while in the bedroom.
Back in my
writing room, I loaded the computer into my backpack. I passed
Luke’s office without looking in. Grabbing the keys off the counter
in the kitchen, I left through the front door. After I loaded my
heavy pack onto my back—wincing at the pain—I had no idea where to
go. My mother’s place was out of the question, and I was too
mortified at the thought of proving my friends right by running to
them. Getting in touch with Scott crossed my mind, but Luke had
forbidden me to have contact with him. In case there was any chance
of reconciliation with Luke, I didn’t want to commit any other
unforgivable acts.
I started toward
the boardwalk where I usually ran. Halfway there I realized I had
left my cellphone on the charger. I knew Luke would leave for Japan
tomorrow. I could go back to the house then to get more of my
things. For a while I paused, then shuffled back and forth trying
to make up my mind. I was paralyzed with worry because Luke
wouldn’t be able to contact me if he reconsidered sending me to
Marcello’s. I thought of going back to the house, but my fear of
Marcello and of Luke’s anger and disappointment kept me pressing
forward.
Hiking the ten
blocks to the usual spot where I began my runs, I went into one of
the t-shirt shops to ask if they could keep my stuff behind the
counter for a while. Then, dodging the crowds on the boardwalk, I
ran until I was spent. I didn’t care who saw me and I didn’t care
how much it hurt my healing back. Rather than dwelling on the
enormity of what had just happened, I tried to formulate a plan for
the immediate future. Where should I go?
When I finished
stretching I trudged onto the sand, still at a loss what to do. I
watched the waves for a while, hoping an answer might come to me,
but none did.
I retrieved my
things from the shop and headed up Dania Beach Boulevard. The
stupidity of giving up my apartment and car hit me hard. For once I
should have listened to my mother.
As I reached the
corner of Griffin and US1, I saw Pandora’s Box on the left.
Gingerly removing my pack, I sat on one of the parking stumps and
stared at the shop and then at the motel across the street. I
decided the shop was a possible solution. I stowed my stuff behind
a bush around the wall of the building and held my breath as I rang
the bell.
The buzz of the
door unlocking gave me brief hope. I quickly grasped the handle and
pushed my way in.
“ Can I
help you?” Christian said from behind the counter. Then he
recognized me. As soon as we made eye contact, the tears streamed
down my face.
“ Jane,
what is it?” he said. His long, skinny form glided out from behind
the counter. The Alex Clare concert t-shirt and baggie shorts along
with the scruffy hair on his chin gave him a skater boy look. A
leather rope held his shoulder-length curly brown
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