completely unexpected: She took Aunt Ruth’s chin in her hand and gave her intolerable sister a kiss!
I only found my voice again when we were in the bathroom. “They want to send the girls away with a transport?” I asked, incredulous. “Alone? Have they lost their minds?”
“It may be that Papa can’t join us in time, Ziska.”
“How can they even think of such a thing, sending their children away? What kind of parents are they?”
“If I hand in the tickets tomorrow, we’ll get back part of our money and can try again later.”
“You have to talk to them, they can’t do that!… What did you just say?” My chest suddently tightened. “Give back the tickets? You mean for the ship to Shanghai?”
“If they don’t let Papa go by next Tuesday, we can’t leave.” Mamu’s voice trembled.
“Why wouldn’t they let him out?” I cried. “We have all our papers together! They’ve let everyone who wants to leave the country go!”
Now she was fighting tears. “I did something dumb, Ziska. I said that we have to leave early next week. How could I have been so stupid? The way that man looked at me! ‘Whether and when we release your husband is our decision, and ours alone!’ Oh, Ziska, I blew it, it’s all my fault!”
My mother pressed her hand against her mouth. Her face twitched. I sat motionless and tried to grasp what she was trying to tell me. They wouldn’t let Papa go in time. Our emigration to Shanghai had fallen through. The ship would sail without us.
“I’m so, so sorry, Ziskele,” Mamu sobbed.
I sat next to her on the edge of the bathtub and leaned against her shoulder. I wanted to cry right along with her, but instead I heard myself saying in a determined tone, “Then we’ll just exchange the tickets for places on the next ship, and we’ll keep doing that until they let Papa go.”
Mamu was already calming down. “Or until we run out of money,” she said. “Which could be very soon, the way things look. We’ll have to get new exit visas too. But you’re right, we won’t give up. I just wonder…”
She stopped. “What?” I asked.
“Whether we should count entirely on Shanghai or if we shouldn’t pursue every single possibility that’s available to us.”
“That’s what we’re doing. We’re already on every single list there is.”
“Well,” Mamu said, “except for one.”
She hardly dared to look at me. “No,” I said weakly. “I won’t do that.”
“Ziska, you have no idea what it would mean to me to know you were safe.”
“But I won’t go alone! You can just forget it!” Now I did have tears in my eyes. “You don’t want to leave without Papa, but I’m supposed to… to…”
It was too painful to say it out loud. Mamu turned to me and took my hands. “Papa needs me now, Ziska. He’s counting on me, I have to get him out of there. But you’re a big girl, a strong girl! A girl who jumped into a tree in the dark! So many times recently, it’s been you who’s told me what I should do.”
I could hardly see her through my tears. “Mamu, no! I’ll do anything you want, but please, please, don’t send me away!”
“I won’t do anything against your will, Ziskele,” she said in a tired voice, letting go of my hands. “But when you’re making your decision, please also consider what you could do for your parents. You could try to get a work permit in England for Papa and me. Then it wouldn’t be long at all and we would be with you again—and all three of us safe.”
I panicked.
If only I hadn’t said anything! Bekka had wanted me to keep it to myself, but no, I had nothing better to do than broadcast the news right away!
“We might be able to follow you very soon,” Mamu repeated. “Think about it.”
The first thing I noticed when we entered the building was that no one was laughing. Dozens of children and their parentsstood in a long line. I looked around and recognized several girls I knew, but no one waved to
I only found my voice again when we were in the bathroom. “They want to send the girls away with a transport?” I asked, incredulous. “Alone? Have they lost their minds?”
“It may be that Papa can’t join us in time, Ziska.”
“How can they even think of such a thing, sending their children away? What kind of parents are they?”
“If I hand in the tickets tomorrow, we’ll get back part of our money and can try again later.”
“You have to talk to them, they can’t do that!… What did you just say?” My chest suddently tightened. “Give back the tickets? You mean for the ship to Shanghai?”
“If they don’t let Papa go by next Tuesday, we can’t leave.” Mamu’s voice trembled.
“Why wouldn’t they let him out?” I cried. “We have all our papers together! They’ve let everyone who wants to leave the country go!”
Now she was fighting tears. “I did something dumb, Ziska. I said that we have to leave early next week. How could I have been so stupid? The way that man looked at me! ‘Whether and when we release your husband is our decision, and ours alone!’ Oh, Ziska, I blew it, it’s all my fault!”
My mother pressed her hand against her mouth. Her face twitched. I sat motionless and tried to grasp what she was trying to tell me. They wouldn’t let Papa go in time. Our emigration to Shanghai had fallen through. The ship would sail without us.
“I’m so, so sorry, Ziskele,” Mamu sobbed.
I sat next to her on the edge of the bathtub and leaned against her shoulder. I wanted to cry right along with her, but instead I heard myself saying in a determined tone, “Then we’ll just exchange the tickets for places on the next ship, and we’ll keep doing that until they let Papa go.”
Mamu was already calming down. “Or until we run out of money,” she said. “Which could be very soon, the way things look. We’ll have to get new exit visas too. But you’re right, we won’t give up. I just wonder…”
She stopped. “What?” I asked.
“Whether we should count entirely on Shanghai or if we shouldn’t pursue every single possibility that’s available to us.”
“That’s what we’re doing. We’re already on every single list there is.”
“Well,” Mamu said, “except for one.”
She hardly dared to look at me. “No,” I said weakly. “I won’t do that.”
“Ziska, you have no idea what it would mean to me to know you were safe.”
“But I won’t go alone! You can just forget it!” Now I did have tears in my eyes. “You don’t want to leave without Papa, but I’m supposed to… to…”
It was too painful to say it out loud. Mamu turned to me and took my hands. “Papa needs me now, Ziska. He’s counting on me, I have to get him out of there. But you’re a big girl, a strong girl! A girl who jumped into a tree in the dark! So many times recently, it’s been you who’s told me what I should do.”
I could hardly see her through my tears. “Mamu, no! I’ll do anything you want, but please, please, don’t send me away!”
“I won’t do anything against your will, Ziskele,” she said in a tired voice, letting go of my hands. “But when you’re making your decision, please also consider what you could do for your parents. You could try to get a work permit in England for Papa and me. Then it wouldn’t be long at all and we would be with you again—and all three of us safe.”
I panicked.
If only I hadn’t said anything! Bekka had wanted me to keep it to myself, but no, I had nothing better to do than broadcast the news right away!
“We might be able to follow you very soon,” Mamu repeated. “Think about it.”
The first thing I noticed when we entered the building was that no one was laughing. Dozens of children and their parentsstood in a long line. I looked around and recognized several girls I knew, but no one waved to
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