My Heart Laid Bare by Joyce Carol Oates Page B

little gift, or coming to see her during the thirteen months of their acquaintance. “Thirteen months!” Tyler thought with envy. His gaze lingered on the girl’s strained but doll-like face; those bluish-gray, deep-set eyes that were, for all their woe and perplexity, intelligent eyes. Though her slender, distended body was now hidden insidethe velveteen cloak, Tyler felt a stab of excitement imagining . . . the young, vibrant flesh his lustful brother Maynard had had no need to imagine. “A convenient arrangement on his side,” he said, an edge of bitterness to his voice, “—yet not so convenient, I should say, on yours.”
    But Mina Raumlicht emphatically disagreed. “No, Mrs. Stirling was right, he was good. It is I who am bad in the eyes of God and of the world, and should not be rewarded for my badness. ”
    Tyler all but ground his teeth, that his elder brother had somehow earned this beautiful young girl’s unquestioned devotion. He had married reasonably well, in the world’s eyes; yet he was capable of forgetting his wife when he was not in her company, and could not claim that he had ever felt passion for her, even when they were newlyweds. Tyler told the girl that he understood her feelings, and respected them. But in the present circumstances, she was obliged to think of the future; surely, his brother would have wished it this way. (Tyler wondered if, hidden amid the intricate codicils of Maynard’s will, a document of numerous pages, there might not be a generous sum set aside for Miss Mina Raumlicht, by way of a third party; but there was no way of his determining this, without arousing suspicion, since he was not Maynard’s executor. In any case, the will would require months of probate before it was settled.)
    â€œWished me to sell my honor?— that I can’t believe,” the girl said sadly.
    Tyler protested, choosing his words with care: “Miss Raumlicht, you must think of it as making provisions for the future, assuring the well-being of your child soon to be born.”
    Your child soon to be born. Again, gazing at the girl, Tyler felt a powerful stab of excitement; almost, a swooning sensation in his bowels; for if he wished, he might place his hand against the girl’s pregnant belly, and feel her inner, secret heat . . . .“But no, that’s absurd,” he thought, reproving himself. “I am not my brother, I am a man of integrity.”
    He summoned a servant to bring tea for Miss Raumlicht and himself; the sharp, tart English stimulant refreshed them both.
    By this time, late in the afternoon, Tyler had removed his coat and was, in his shirtsleeves, pleasantly warm, if agitated. At 4:40 P.M. Tyler at last succeeded in getting the girl to take up a pen, to sign the brief document he’d devised; she brooded, and frowned, and seemed about to sign, but did not; at 4:48 P.M. she pushed the pen from her like a stubborn child confronted with a plate of repulsive food. There followed then another patient, kindly appeal on Tyler’s part. A moment when by accident his hand brushed against Mina Raumlicht’s shoulder; another moment, when in an unthinking avuncular gesture, he brushed a wisp of hair from the girl’s warm forehead.
    How quaint, Mina Raumlicht’s crownlike plaited hair, a fair, silvery brown of the hue of late autumn; how pert her brave upper lip, though beaded with perspiration. How rare a sight, Tyler thought, marveling, to see a female perspire ; he was sure he’d never seen any female of his acquaintance perspire ; but, perhaps, he’d never noticed.
    By 5:12 P.M. Mina Raumlicht again took up Tyler’s pen, and reread the document with painstaking care, dipped the quill point into ink, and seemed about to sign; then, in a gesture of anguished conscience, winced, and shook her head, murmuring, “Oh! I cannot. This is wrong.”
    Now Tyler did grind his teeth; deciding,