stick with her through this crisis, or would you pack your bags and leave because you’re unwilling to be with someone who’s no longer the same person you married?”
“Anya, those are some tough questions. I wouldn’t even know how to respond.”
“Vette, this counselor scared every one of us. I couldn’t even look Neil in his eyes. But I didn’t want to back out of a relationship with him based on fear. I was willing to give our relationship a try, go through the fire with him no matter how hot the fire was. He told me he wanted it, too. And because we both wanted the same thing, at the same time, on the same day, we felt ready to get married. And I’ve never forgotten that day, and that’s why I’m married to Neil even now.
“I keep thinking this is why I suggested the arrangement to Neil. Maybe the arrangement would give us a guideline, or serve as a reminder of what we want and how we aim to get what we want. If we stick to the arrangement no matter what, we’d prove our commitment to each other.”
“That sounds all fine and dandy,” Vette says, “but is marriage really worth it?”
“Marriage has its problems, but as long as it’s under the proper conditions, I’d much rather be married than single.”
“Why?” Vette says.
“Why what?”
“Answer the question, Anya.”
I hook a left onto the freeway.
“Sure,” I say. “When you’re single you don’t have to answer to anybody. You don’t have to merge finances, but…”
“But what?”
I can’t think of anything else to say except, “When you get to my age you’ll understand.”
“I understand without having to be your age, Anya.”
“Oh, Vette, you’ve been married before?”
“Nooo, I know what I know. I know what I want and what I don’t want.”
Sharvette has a fiery look in her eyes, almost like a bull—strong, determined, not feeling sorry for anything foolish enough to get in her way.
“When it comes to relationships,” she continues, “I refuse to be taken for granted. I can’t stand it when someone loves me, loves me, loves me in front of my face, but hates me, hates me, hates me behind my back.”
“Sounds like a story behind those words.”
“There’s always a story, Anya.”
“I’m listening,” I tell her.
“See,” she continues, “a lot of guys think they’re slick. They know they have the upper hand in relationships. They know that if things go down badly, they can look two feet over, and there’s another prospect. That’s what trips me out.”
“True, there are more available women than men, but I don’t think it’s that easy for guys, either, Vette. We’re conditioned that men can get anyone they want, and maybe that’s why they act so indifferent in relationships, but I’m starting to believe otherwise.”
“Didn’t my brother go out and find this other lady right away?”
“No.” I wince. “It’s not just about the numbers game. It’s about the fact that when things don’t work out, men are disappointed and hurt just like women. They get tired of going through the relationship wringer just like we do. And depression? You haven’t seen depression until you see some tall, rugged, masculine man lying in bed in the dark for days, not eating, he won’t talk, won’t come out the house.
That’s
depression.”
“What? Where? When has a man ever been depressed?” She looks at me like I don’t know what I’m talking about.
“It happens, Vette. You got to recognize the signs.”
“Ain’t no signs.”
“Okay, check this out. What about when a man realizes his girl doesn’t want him anymore? She’s found someone else and has kicked him to the curb. What’s the first thing he does?”
“Get a replacement.”
“Vette, some get a gun. Load it with bullets. They find the woman, confront her, and start shooting. They shoot to remove their pain, the hurt of rejection. And by the time it’s over, she’s on her way to the morgue, and he may blast a bullet in
“Anya, those are some tough questions. I wouldn’t even know how to respond.”
“Vette, this counselor scared every one of us. I couldn’t even look Neil in his eyes. But I didn’t want to back out of a relationship with him based on fear. I was willing to give our relationship a try, go through the fire with him no matter how hot the fire was. He told me he wanted it, too. And because we both wanted the same thing, at the same time, on the same day, we felt ready to get married. And I’ve never forgotten that day, and that’s why I’m married to Neil even now.
“I keep thinking this is why I suggested the arrangement to Neil. Maybe the arrangement would give us a guideline, or serve as a reminder of what we want and how we aim to get what we want. If we stick to the arrangement no matter what, we’d prove our commitment to each other.”
“That sounds all fine and dandy,” Vette says, “but is marriage really worth it?”
“Marriage has its problems, but as long as it’s under the proper conditions, I’d much rather be married than single.”
“Why?” Vette says.
“Why what?”
“Answer the question, Anya.”
I hook a left onto the freeway.
“Sure,” I say. “When you’re single you don’t have to answer to anybody. You don’t have to merge finances, but…”
“But what?”
I can’t think of anything else to say except, “When you get to my age you’ll understand.”
“I understand without having to be your age, Anya.”
“Oh, Vette, you’ve been married before?”
“Nooo, I know what I know. I know what I want and what I don’t want.”
Sharvette has a fiery look in her eyes, almost like a bull—strong, determined, not feeling sorry for anything foolish enough to get in her way.
“When it comes to relationships,” she continues, “I refuse to be taken for granted. I can’t stand it when someone loves me, loves me, loves me in front of my face, but hates me, hates me, hates me behind my back.”
“Sounds like a story behind those words.”
“There’s always a story, Anya.”
“I’m listening,” I tell her.
“See,” she continues, “a lot of guys think they’re slick. They know they have the upper hand in relationships. They know that if things go down badly, they can look two feet over, and there’s another prospect. That’s what trips me out.”
“True, there are more available women than men, but I don’t think it’s that easy for guys, either, Vette. We’re conditioned that men can get anyone they want, and maybe that’s why they act so indifferent in relationships, but I’m starting to believe otherwise.”
“Didn’t my brother go out and find this other lady right away?”
“No.” I wince. “It’s not just about the numbers game. It’s about the fact that when things don’t work out, men are disappointed and hurt just like women. They get tired of going through the relationship wringer just like we do. And depression? You haven’t seen depression until you see some tall, rugged, masculine man lying in bed in the dark for days, not eating, he won’t talk, won’t come out the house.
That’s
depression.”
“What? Where? When has a man ever been depressed?” She looks at me like I don’t know what I’m talking about.
“It happens, Vette. You got to recognize the signs.”
“Ain’t no signs.”
“Okay, check this out. What about when a man realizes his girl doesn’t want him anymore? She’s found someone else and has kicked him to the curb. What’s the first thing he does?”
“Get a replacement.”
“Vette, some get a gun. Load it with bullets. They find the woman, confront her, and start shooting. They shoot to remove their pain, the hurt of rejection. And by the time it’s over, she’s on her way to the morgue, and he may blast a bullet in
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