is going to happen. To you, to me, I dunno. I can’t
explain it.” I shrug.
He looks at me with concern. “Baby, we
can only take one day at a time. And I, for one, am going to make
sure you’re happy and stay happy. Everything will be ok.” He wraps
his arm around me tighter.
I snuggle back into his chest and
smile. Then I sigh again. “Well, also, I, um. These feelings for
you? I.” Oh, my God this is so hard! I can’t look at him. “I want
to be with you, um, more, but I don’t understand how you could ever
want to be with me. I feel so dirty. Why would you want me like
that?”
He lets go of me and turns on his
side. He puts his left hand on my face and rubs my cheek. “Baby,
God. I know that it’s hard for you after what happened but that’s
not what I see when I look at you, when I kiss you or when I touch
you. I see a beautiful woman. A brave and remarkable person who has
overcome heartache in her life, terrible people who have hurt her
over and over again, mentally and physically.” He stops and looks
at me with such admiration. “I see the person I want to be with. I
see the person who makes me feel more than anyone has ever made me
feel. I see the person I want to touch all over and make love to. I
see you.”
Tears are in my eyes now and begin to
overflow and stream down my face. He wipes away some from my
cheek.
He leans forward and pushes his
forehead against mine. “Baby, I will wait. I will wait for you to
be ready even if it takes forever. Please believe me,” he says
softly.
I nod, my forehead rubbing up and down
on his. I take a deep quivering breath.
He pulls back and looks at me. “Are
you ok?” He asks as he brushes the hair out of my face.
I look into his eyes and sigh, “Yes,
I’m ok now. Thank you for being so good to me.” He leans over again
and kisses my forehead, his lips lingering there.
He lays back down, pulling me with
him. We lay there for a while not saying anything. He goes back to
rubbing my arm as we lay in there. I manage to finally fall asleep
thinking how lucky I am.
Chapter
twelve
The next afternoon we’re watching TV.
I look over and Jesse has fallen asleep on the couch beside me. I
go over to the chair and pull the afghan off and place it over him.
I decide to take a shower and take a nap myself.
I feel so alone in the bed but he was
sleeping so peacefully, I didn’t have the heart to wake him up.
Finally I drift off.
Next thing I know I am screaming into
Jesse’s chest. I was hitting his shoulders with my
hands.
“Shhh, baby. It’s ok. You’re ok. I’m
here. I’ve got you. Shhhh,” he says in my ear. I start to calm
down, I am breathing hard.
I pull back slightly, still sniffling,
with tears rolling down my face. “Jesse, make it go away. Make them
go away. Please!” I begged. I am searching his eyes as he is
mine.
“Oh, baby. I wish I knew how, I truly
do. I would do it in a heartbeat. Tell me how. Tell me how,” he
pleads.
“Make love to me, Jesse. Take the
nightmares away. Touch me, feel me. I need to feel you. I need
you.”
Jesse looks at me with his eyes moving
back and forth between mine. I can see the tears forming in his
beautiful eyes.
“Are you sure, baby? I don’t want to
hurt you in any way. I need you to be sure this is what you
want.”
“I have never been surer of anything
in my life, Jesse. I want you. I need you.”
Jesse looks at me with love in his
eyes. Wait, love? No, way! That can’t be. It’s too soon to be love
and why would he feel that way anyway? No one has ever loved me
since my parents died.
“I would love to be your first. Truly
you’re first,” he says with a lone tear falling down his cheek. I
rub the tear off his face with my hand and smile.
He lays me back onto the bed and
hovers over me, leaning on one elbow at my left side. “I will be
extra careful of your ribs, but you tell me if I am hurting you in
any way or you need me to stop, ok?” I nod at him and pull him to
me.
We
explain it.” I shrug.
He looks at me with concern. “Baby, we
can only take one day at a time. And I, for one, am going to make
sure you’re happy and stay happy. Everything will be ok.” He wraps
his arm around me tighter.
I snuggle back into his chest and
smile. Then I sigh again. “Well, also, I, um. These feelings for
you? I.” Oh, my God this is so hard! I can’t look at him. “I want
to be with you, um, more, but I don’t understand how you could ever
want to be with me. I feel so dirty. Why would you want me like
that?”
He lets go of me and turns on his
side. He puts his left hand on my face and rubs my cheek. “Baby,
God. I know that it’s hard for you after what happened but that’s
not what I see when I look at you, when I kiss you or when I touch
you. I see a beautiful woman. A brave and remarkable person who has
overcome heartache in her life, terrible people who have hurt her
over and over again, mentally and physically.” He stops and looks
at me with such admiration. “I see the person I want to be with. I
see the person who makes me feel more than anyone has ever made me
feel. I see the person I want to touch all over and make love to. I
see you.”
Tears are in my eyes now and begin to
overflow and stream down my face. He wipes away some from my
cheek.
He leans forward and pushes his
forehead against mine. “Baby, I will wait. I will wait for you to
be ready even if it takes forever. Please believe me,” he says
softly.
I nod, my forehead rubbing up and down
on his. I take a deep quivering breath.
He pulls back and looks at me. “Are
you ok?” He asks as he brushes the hair out of my face.
I look into his eyes and sigh, “Yes,
I’m ok now. Thank you for being so good to me.” He leans over again
and kisses my forehead, his lips lingering there.
He lays back down, pulling me with
him. We lay there for a while not saying anything. He goes back to
rubbing my arm as we lay in there. I manage to finally fall asleep
thinking how lucky I am.
Chapter
twelve
The next afternoon we’re watching TV.
I look over and Jesse has fallen asleep on the couch beside me. I
go over to the chair and pull the afghan off and place it over him.
I decide to take a shower and take a nap myself.
I feel so alone in the bed but he was
sleeping so peacefully, I didn’t have the heart to wake him up.
Finally I drift off.
Next thing I know I am screaming into
Jesse’s chest. I was hitting his shoulders with my
hands.
“Shhh, baby. It’s ok. You’re ok. I’m
here. I’ve got you. Shhhh,” he says in my ear. I start to calm
down, I am breathing hard.
I pull back slightly, still sniffling,
with tears rolling down my face. “Jesse, make it go away. Make them
go away. Please!” I begged. I am searching his eyes as he is
mine.
“Oh, baby. I wish I knew how, I truly
do. I would do it in a heartbeat. Tell me how. Tell me how,” he
pleads.
“Make love to me, Jesse. Take the
nightmares away. Touch me, feel me. I need to feel you. I need
you.”
Jesse looks at me with his eyes moving
back and forth between mine. I can see the tears forming in his
beautiful eyes.
“Are you sure, baby? I don’t want to
hurt you in any way. I need you to be sure this is what you
want.”
“I have never been surer of anything
in my life, Jesse. I want you. I need you.”
Jesse looks at me with love in his
eyes. Wait, love? No, way! That can’t be. It’s too soon to be love
and why would he feel that way anyway? No one has ever loved me
since my parents died.
“I would love to be your first. Truly
you’re first,” he says with a lone tear falling down his cheek. I
rub the tear off his face with my hand and smile.
He lays me back onto the bed and
hovers over me, leaning on one elbow at my left side. “I will be
extra careful of your ribs, but you tell me if I am hurting you in
any way or you need me to stop, ok?” I nod at him and pull him to
me.
We
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