daring to call him by his first name. If he was going to get personal, so was I.
He relaxed his expression and then his face turned serious again. He held me close to him, his strong arms tight around me, as if he had something to say and wouldn’t let me leave until he said it. “It comes with the job, Pepper. What the public doesn’t see is the anguish you face every time you can’t get a conviction or a hostage situation goes wrong. It eats you up inside, but you go on.”
“What keeps you going?” I asked. I never expected to hear this stuff from him.
“A promise I made to my brother before he died.”
“Yeah?” I pulled away, intrigued. I never had any family except for Cindy. She was like a sister to me. I’d die if anything happened to her. Why was he telling me this? I couldn’t believe I was getting all touchy-feeling with a guy who could have had me fitted for an orange jumpsuit. Only then did I see a pain in his eyes I’d never seen before, a determined resolution in the set of his jaw.
“I joined the Bureau after I got out of the army,” he said.
“You were in Iraq?”
He shook his head. “I served with my unit in Afghanistan after I lost my older brother.”
“You want to talk about it?” I picked up his jacket, slipped it over my shoulders and listened.
“Tom was a two-bit hoodlum. He never had a chance after our old man took off. He started cutting school, using drugs.” Steve paused and then scraped peeling gray paint off the table with his finger. I could see the furniture was repainted over and over with the same iconic shade of gray. As if to dull the pain suffered here. “He taught me everything he knew, but in the end he admitted he was wrong and didn’t want me to follow in his footsteps.”
“What happened?”
“He tried to go straight,” Steve said, clenching his fists, “but he was murdered in a gang attack in our old neighborhood.”
My hand flew to my mouth. “Oh, I’m sorry.”
“Homegrown terrorism is a real threat we can’t ignore, Pepper.”
“So you joined the FBI.”
He acknowledged my comment with a nod. “I hit the streets every day to take down the bad guys so people can go on with their lives, never knowing how close they came to losing that freedom.” He looked at me and I saw the fierceness raging in his eyes, like a primitive animal ready to pounce. I shivered. “I do it for my brother, and for everyone like him who paid the ultimate price.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I wanted to know. This was serious business. Way beyond a little taxpayer like me getting fired. What was his game?
“Because I believe you feel like I do.” He leaned down, so close to my lips, I swore he was going to kiss me. He didn’t. Instead, he shocked the hell out of me when he said, “We need people like you willing to put themselves on the line.”
My mouth dropped open. “You did a background check on me, didn’t you?”
He gave me that half smile of his that made me melt. “I had to make sure you were clean.”
“Then you know I applied to the FBI when I got out of college,” I said, smoothing a strand of loose hair away from my face in a nervous gesture. “I didn’t make it.”
I didn’t clue him in that I lost my nerve and didn’t finish taking the tests after my background came into question. I was afraid they’d find out things about me I decided I no longer wanted to know. It was safer that way. It allowed me to live in a dream world with no responsibility to my past.
I looked again into his face and saw the puzzled expression etched on his features, as if he were waiting for me to explain further. I didn’t. To my relief, he returned to the present situation.
“Now do you understand why I had to get out of the copy room without you knowing who I was?” he said, emphasizing his words. “I was looking for the intel that would explain how Briggs transferred funds to hide his dirty little secret.”
“What
He relaxed his expression and then his face turned serious again. He held me close to him, his strong arms tight around me, as if he had something to say and wouldn’t let me leave until he said it. “It comes with the job, Pepper. What the public doesn’t see is the anguish you face every time you can’t get a conviction or a hostage situation goes wrong. It eats you up inside, but you go on.”
“What keeps you going?” I asked. I never expected to hear this stuff from him.
“A promise I made to my brother before he died.”
“Yeah?” I pulled away, intrigued. I never had any family except for Cindy. She was like a sister to me. I’d die if anything happened to her. Why was he telling me this? I couldn’t believe I was getting all touchy-feeling with a guy who could have had me fitted for an orange jumpsuit. Only then did I see a pain in his eyes I’d never seen before, a determined resolution in the set of his jaw.
“I joined the Bureau after I got out of the army,” he said.
“You were in Iraq?”
He shook his head. “I served with my unit in Afghanistan after I lost my older brother.”
“You want to talk about it?” I picked up his jacket, slipped it over my shoulders and listened.
“Tom was a two-bit hoodlum. He never had a chance after our old man took off. He started cutting school, using drugs.” Steve paused and then scraped peeling gray paint off the table with his finger. I could see the furniture was repainted over and over with the same iconic shade of gray. As if to dull the pain suffered here. “He taught me everything he knew, but in the end he admitted he was wrong and didn’t want me to follow in his footsteps.”
“What happened?”
“He tried to go straight,” Steve said, clenching his fists, “but he was murdered in a gang attack in our old neighborhood.”
My hand flew to my mouth. “Oh, I’m sorry.”
“Homegrown terrorism is a real threat we can’t ignore, Pepper.”
“So you joined the FBI.”
He acknowledged my comment with a nod. “I hit the streets every day to take down the bad guys so people can go on with their lives, never knowing how close they came to losing that freedom.” He looked at me and I saw the fierceness raging in his eyes, like a primitive animal ready to pounce. I shivered. “I do it for my brother, and for everyone like him who paid the ultimate price.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I wanted to know. This was serious business. Way beyond a little taxpayer like me getting fired. What was his game?
“Because I believe you feel like I do.” He leaned down, so close to my lips, I swore he was going to kiss me. He didn’t. Instead, he shocked the hell out of me when he said, “We need people like you willing to put themselves on the line.”
My mouth dropped open. “You did a background check on me, didn’t you?”
He gave me that half smile of his that made me melt. “I had to make sure you were clean.”
“Then you know I applied to the FBI when I got out of college,” I said, smoothing a strand of loose hair away from my face in a nervous gesture. “I didn’t make it.”
I didn’t clue him in that I lost my nerve and didn’t finish taking the tests after my background came into question. I was afraid they’d find out things about me I decided I no longer wanted to know. It was safer that way. It allowed me to live in a dream world with no responsibility to my past.
I looked again into his face and saw the puzzled expression etched on his features, as if he were waiting for me to explain further. I didn’t. To my relief, he returned to the present situation.
“Now do you understand why I had to get out of the copy room without you knowing who I was?” he said, emphasizing his words. “I was looking for the intel that would explain how Briggs transferred funds to hide his dirty little secret.”
“What
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