REQUIRED to spend most of the morning sewing in Anella’s presence while she stood over my sisters and me, criticizing our stitches, making us pick out and do over—as often as not missing our poorer work—until I could stand it no more. Lilla, Nia, and Mara were more inclined to diligence, since they could anticipate, I hoped, to have new tunics for their labors.
Anella also had the poor taste to recount to us Tolocamp’s injunctions to his bailiff and my brothers that there was to be no disposition of Fort Hold’s stores to the indigent. All must be reserved for the needs of Fort Hold’s dependents. This was a critical time, and Fort must stand firm, as an example to the rest of the continent. For instance, Anella relished reporting, Tolocamp was certain that the Healer and Harper would be applying to the Hold for substantial aid of food and medicine. He had received a formal request for an interview with Master Capiam and Master Tirone the next morning.
That, for me, was the final straw. I had now come to the end of patience, courtesy, and filial loyalty. I could no longer endure that woman’s presence or remain a dependent of a man whose cowardice and parsimony made a disgrace of my Bloodline. I would no longer remain in a dishonored Hold.
On the grounds that I had a confectionary recipe that I wished to prepare for the evening meal, I excused myself. I went down to the kitchens, and on to the dispensary. There I distilled fellis in the largest kettle and brewed an equally large batch of the tussilago syrup. While these were simmering, I rifled the overstuffed shelves, taking a generous portion of every herb, root, stalk, leaf, blossom, and tuber that might possibly be of use to the Healer Hall. These I packaged, tying them securely and leaving them in a shadowy corner of the inner storeroom against the unlikely chance that Anella might inspect the facility. I decanted the fellis and tussilago into padded demijohns and added to these surreptitious stores a pack containing clothing necessities for myself. Then I made the sticky sweet for the evening meal, enough to surfeit Anella and her parents.
That evening I sought out Uncle Munchaun and gave him my mother’s jewels to distribute to my sisters.
“Like that, eh?” He hefted the hide-wrapped packet of jewelry. “Did you not keep some by you?”
“A few pieces. I doubt jewelry will be required where I intend to go from here.”
“Send me word when you can, Rill. I shall miss you.”
“And I you, Uncle. You’ll keep watch over my sisters?”
“Have I not always done so?”
“Better than most.” I could not say more or weaken my resolution, so I fled down the steps from the second story.
3.18.43
T HE NEXT DAY , I had dutifully started yet another kettle of restorative soup in the small kitchen when I saw the Masterharper and the Masterhealer making their way across the Great Court for their interview with Tolocamp. I caught Sim’s attention and told him to take two others and wait for me outside the dispensary. I had a task to be done.
I changed from my dress into garb suitable for what I hoped to be allowed to do, and stuffed a few last personal things in my belt pouch. I caught a glimpse of myself in the little mirror on my wall. It took me a moment: my hair had been my one vanity. I picked up the scissors and ruthlessly, before my resolution faltered, I cut off my long braids and stuffed them into the darkest corner of the press. No one would think to search my room for some time to come. My shorn hair suited my new role in life.
With a leather thong, I tied back what was left of my thick black hair. Then I left the room that had been my refuge since my eighteenth summer and made my way down the spiral stairs to my father’s first-story apartment.
There was a convenient alcove on the inner wall just beyond the main door to his quarters. I had no sooner taken up my position when the drums announced the happy tidings that Orlith
Anella also had the poor taste to recount to us Tolocamp’s injunctions to his bailiff and my brothers that there was to be no disposition of Fort Hold’s stores to the indigent. All must be reserved for the needs of Fort Hold’s dependents. This was a critical time, and Fort must stand firm, as an example to the rest of the continent. For instance, Anella relished reporting, Tolocamp was certain that the Healer and Harper would be applying to the Hold for substantial aid of food and medicine. He had received a formal request for an interview with Master Capiam and Master Tirone the next morning.
That, for me, was the final straw. I had now come to the end of patience, courtesy, and filial loyalty. I could no longer endure that woman’s presence or remain a dependent of a man whose cowardice and parsimony made a disgrace of my Bloodline. I would no longer remain in a dishonored Hold.
On the grounds that I had a confectionary recipe that I wished to prepare for the evening meal, I excused myself. I went down to the kitchens, and on to the dispensary. There I distilled fellis in the largest kettle and brewed an equally large batch of the tussilago syrup. While these were simmering, I rifled the overstuffed shelves, taking a generous portion of every herb, root, stalk, leaf, blossom, and tuber that might possibly be of use to the Healer Hall. These I packaged, tying them securely and leaving them in a shadowy corner of the inner storeroom against the unlikely chance that Anella might inspect the facility. I decanted the fellis and tussilago into padded demijohns and added to these surreptitious stores a pack containing clothing necessities for myself. Then I made the sticky sweet for the evening meal, enough to surfeit Anella and her parents.
That evening I sought out Uncle Munchaun and gave him my mother’s jewels to distribute to my sisters.
“Like that, eh?” He hefted the hide-wrapped packet of jewelry. “Did you not keep some by you?”
“A few pieces. I doubt jewelry will be required where I intend to go from here.”
“Send me word when you can, Rill. I shall miss you.”
“And I you, Uncle. You’ll keep watch over my sisters?”
“Have I not always done so?”
“Better than most.” I could not say more or weaken my resolution, so I fled down the steps from the second story.
3.18.43
T HE NEXT DAY , I had dutifully started yet another kettle of restorative soup in the small kitchen when I saw the Masterharper and the Masterhealer making their way across the Great Court for their interview with Tolocamp. I caught Sim’s attention and told him to take two others and wait for me outside the dispensary. I had a task to be done.
I changed from my dress into garb suitable for what I hoped to be allowed to do, and stuffed a few last personal things in my belt pouch. I caught a glimpse of myself in the little mirror on my wall. It took me a moment: my hair had been my one vanity. I picked up the scissors and ruthlessly, before my resolution faltered, I cut off my long braids and stuffed them into the darkest corner of the press. No one would think to search my room for some time to come. My shorn hair suited my new role in life.
With a leather thong, I tied back what was left of my thick black hair. Then I left the room that had been my refuge since my eighteenth summer and made my way down the spiral stairs to my father’s first-story apartment.
There was a convenient alcove on the inner wall just beyond the main door to his quarters. I had no sooner taken up my position when the drums announced the happy tidings that Orlith
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