stuff from the hospital inside my house and then helps me get situated on the couch.
“Seriously Mal, I can stay.” Her eyes are full of concern.
“No, Jes. I need to be alone for now.” She just nods knowing better than to push the issue.
On her way out she stops and says, “I almost forgot, there were some flowers delivered here a few days ago. I brought them in when I came to get your stuff. Call me if you need anything…anytime.”
“I will and thanks for everything. I love you.” I give her a weak smile.
“Love you too, hun.”
I manage to doze off for a few hours after she leaves. I’m sure the pain pills help to knock me out. My empty stomach wakes me up in the middle of the night. The hunger pains and growling almost overshadowed the other emptiness I was feeling…almost. I haven’t eaten in days and I know I need to at least get something in my stomach. A bowl of Cap ‘n’ Crunch sounds like it’ll do the trick.
Tightly wrapping my blanket around me, I slide my feet into my slippers and head to the kitchen. I can’t shake the coldness my body is feeling. It goes beyond skin deep. The bouquet of flowers is starting to wilt, and there’s some petals laying on the countertop around the vase. I hesitantly grab the card that’s highly perched making sure to not be overseen. The envelope isn’t sealed and I slowly pull the card out.
Mallory-
So much has happened these past few months. There’s so much we need to talk about. I was supposed to be home in two weeks, now it won’t be for over a month. I hope you will let me explain everything when I get back. –Seth
I grab the vase of once beautiful roses and chunk it at the far wall. The loud crash of glass makes me flinch and I watch as the water that was in the vase cascades down the wall. The broken pieces that are spread out in a mess all over my dining room floor represent exactly how I feel right now. Pretty damn ironic.
“Fucking asshole! How dare you send me flowers!” I slide myself down the wall, mimicking the water that’s still trickling its way down, and let the sobs overtake me. I welcome the feeling as I curl up on my cool kitchen floor to mourn my loss — for something I never truly had. I cry and cry for the baby girl that I’ll never get to hold. I cry until I’m all cried out and sleep takes over.
“Mallory. Mallory, wake up.” I’m being shaken. I want to stay asleep…where reality doesn’t surround me. But I can’t. I slowly open my eyes up to a frantic Jesika.
“I’m awake. I’m awake. What’s your problem?” I slowly push myself up to a sitting position and take in where I fell asleep. As I look around my kitchen area I see the broken vase on the ground across the room and I remember crying myself to sleep last night.
“What happened? Are you okay?” Jesika is worried sick about me and I know just how she feels. I was once in her place as the concerned friend.
“I guess I just lost it last night,” I admit, but try to keep from going into detail.
She grabs my hand and I can see the tears in her eyes. “You can shut yourself down from anyone you want, but not me. Do not shut me out. Let me be here for you the way you were there for me. I love you and I’m going to do whatever you need me to do.”
“I was fine. I was fine until I read the note on the flowers. It was from Seth and something in me just snapped. It was like everything from the last few months took over. I threw the flowers and then cried myself to sleep. I will never shut you out, Jes. I just deal with things my own way. I’ll bounce back…eventually.” I can’t hold back the sobs any longer. “I was just so happy that I was going to be a mom, and to have that yanked away from me is just really hard to deal with,” I choke out.
“Well, we’ll get through this together,” Jesika says as she cradles me in her arms.
It’s been a few weeks now since I left the hospital. I haven’t been back to work yet. I’m not sure I
“Seriously Mal, I can stay.” Her eyes are full of concern.
“No, Jes. I need to be alone for now.” She just nods knowing better than to push the issue.
On her way out she stops and says, “I almost forgot, there were some flowers delivered here a few days ago. I brought them in when I came to get your stuff. Call me if you need anything…anytime.”
“I will and thanks for everything. I love you.” I give her a weak smile.
“Love you too, hun.”
I manage to doze off for a few hours after she leaves. I’m sure the pain pills help to knock me out. My empty stomach wakes me up in the middle of the night. The hunger pains and growling almost overshadowed the other emptiness I was feeling…almost. I haven’t eaten in days and I know I need to at least get something in my stomach. A bowl of Cap ‘n’ Crunch sounds like it’ll do the trick.
Tightly wrapping my blanket around me, I slide my feet into my slippers and head to the kitchen. I can’t shake the coldness my body is feeling. It goes beyond skin deep. The bouquet of flowers is starting to wilt, and there’s some petals laying on the countertop around the vase. I hesitantly grab the card that’s highly perched making sure to not be overseen. The envelope isn’t sealed and I slowly pull the card out.
Mallory-
So much has happened these past few months. There’s so much we need to talk about. I was supposed to be home in two weeks, now it won’t be for over a month. I hope you will let me explain everything when I get back. –Seth
I grab the vase of once beautiful roses and chunk it at the far wall. The loud crash of glass makes me flinch and I watch as the water that was in the vase cascades down the wall. The broken pieces that are spread out in a mess all over my dining room floor represent exactly how I feel right now. Pretty damn ironic.
“Fucking asshole! How dare you send me flowers!” I slide myself down the wall, mimicking the water that’s still trickling its way down, and let the sobs overtake me. I welcome the feeling as I curl up on my cool kitchen floor to mourn my loss — for something I never truly had. I cry and cry for the baby girl that I’ll never get to hold. I cry until I’m all cried out and sleep takes over.
“Mallory. Mallory, wake up.” I’m being shaken. I want to stay asleep…where reality doesn’t surround me. But I can’t. I slowly open my eyes up to a frantic Jesika.
“I’m awake. I’m awake. What’s your problem?” I slowly push myself up to a sitting position and take in where I fell asleep. As I look around my kitchen area I see the broken vase on the ground across the room and I remember crying myself to sleep last night.
“What happened? Are you okay?” Jesika is worried sick about me and I know just how she feels. I was once in her place as the concerned friend.
“I guess I just lost it last night,” I admit, but try to keep from going into detail.
She grabs my hand and I can see the tears in her eyes. “You can shut yourself down from anyone you want, but not me. Do not shut me out. Let me be here for you the way you were there for me. I love you and I’m going to do whatever you need me to do.”
“I was fine. I was fine until I read the note on the flowers. It was from Seth and something in me just snapped. It was like everything from the last few months took over. I threw the flowers and then cried myself to sleep. I will never shut you out, Jes. I just deal with things my own way. I’ll bounce back…eventually.” I can’t hold back the sobs any longer. “I was just so happy that I was going to be a mom, and to have that yanked away from me is just really hard to deal with,” I choke out.
“Well, we’ll get through this together,” Jesika says as she cradles me in her arms.
It’s been a few weeks now since I left the hospital. I haven’t been back to work yet. I’m not sure I
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