Dammit.
Crossing the room to the couch, I took hold of his shoulder and gave him a quick shake. “Dad?”
He didn’t wake. The snoring stopped momentarily, but then started again.
“Dad!” I said, louder, giving him another shake that felt harder than I’d have liked.
This time, he startled awake. “Huh, what?” He blinked at me and then rubbed his face. “Jesus, Gabi. What are you shouting at me for?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
His eyes widened and he sat up straight. “Ah, hell. What time is it?”
“Four-thirty. Don’t you start at three?”
“Damn. I fell asleep. I’ve got to go.”
I glanced back down at the beer cans. “Go? You’re still going to work?”
“Of course I am, Gabi,” he said, exasperated as though it was somehow my fault he’d fallen asleep. “Where else am I going to go?”
“But …” I hesitated. “Haven’t you been drinking?”
I looked pointedly at the empty cans, lifting my eyebrows and widening my eyes, hoping to get my point across without needing to say much more.
He shook his head. “I had a couple of beers with lunch hours ago. I don’t need you telling me I’ve been drinking. It’s not like I work regular hours like most people. If I don’t get a bit of down time, this job will run me into the ground.”
I held up both hands in defense. “Okay, okay. I was only asking.”
I held my tongue as he got up and went upstairs to change into his uniform. I was worried about him driving, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to say anything—he’d only make excuses and defend his choices. Perhaps what he was saying was right and he had only drunk a couple of beers hours ago? I doubted it, and I thought if I looked hard enough I’d find an empty bottle of vodka hidden somewhere in the house, but I didn’t intend on searching. He was the responsible adult, and I was the kid. Nothing I said would make any difference.
Wanting to help, I brewed a pot of coffee while he was getting changed and then put it in a thermos mug for him to take with him.
He reappeared within ten minutes.
I handed him the coffee, and gave him a smile, wanting to build bridges. I didn’t want him to go to work still angry with me. He smiled back and leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, a waft of mint overlaying the stale alcohol flowing over me.
“Thanks, sweetheart,” he said.
“No problem, Dad. Stay safe, okay?”
He threw me a wink as he turned away. “Always.”
Chapter Ten
Gabi – Present Day
I woke filled with the desperate need to pee. I’d been having one of those dreams where I was searching for a toilet, and I knew I wasn’t going to hold on much longer.
With an aching bladder, I swung my legs out of bed and hopped to my feet.
In a moment of complete disorientation, the floor rushed up and smashed me in the face.
I found myself in a crumpled heap, jarring my neck, my teeth cracking together. For a split second, confusion filled me, trying to work out what had happened to make me fall, and then it all came tumbling back over me. Of course, I had completely forgotten about the amputation.
I let out a scream of frustration and pounded my bunched fists on the floor. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
I hurt from the fall, and tears pooled in my eyes and then streamed down my cheeks. I didn’t like giving way to self-pity, but right at that moment I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be someone who couldn’t even get out of bed at night without falling on her face. My dad had slept through the whole thing, just as he always did, and I felt stupid, and helpless, and utterly alone.
This wasn’t the first time I’d forgotten and done exactly the same thing. It had happened more in the early days and I’d thought I’d gotten over it. But when I dreamed I had two legs, and then I still felt that leg when I woke, there never seemed to be enough time between waking and remembering to stop me falling down when I got out of bed.
I
Crossing the room to the couch, I took hold of his shoulder and gave him a quick shake. “Dad?”
He didn’t wake. The snoring stopped momentarily, but then started again.
“Dad!” I said, louder, giving him another shake that felt harder than I’d have liked.
This time, he startled awake. “Huh, what?” He blinked at me and then rubbed his face. “Jesus, Gabi. What are you shouting at me for?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
His eyes widened and he sat up straight. “Ah, hell. What time is it?”
“Four-thirty. Don’t you start at three?”
“Damn. I fell asleep. I’ve got to go.”
I glanced back down at the beer cans. “Go? You’re still going to work?”
“Of course I am, Gabi,” he said, exasperated as though it was somehow my fault he’d fallen asleep. “Where else am I going to go?”
“But …” I hesitated. “Haven’t you been drinking?”
I looked pointedly at the empty cans, lifting my eyebrows and widening my eyes, hoping to get my point across without needing to say much more.
He shook his head. “I had a couple of beers with lunch hours ago. I don’t need you telling me I’ve been drinking. It’s not like I work regular hours like most people. If I don’t get a bit of down time, this job will run me into the ground.”
I held up both hands in defense. “Okay, okay. I was only asking.”
I held my tongue as he got up and went upstairs to change into his uniform. I was worried about him driving, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to say anything—he’d only make excuses and defend his choices. Perhaps what he was saying was right and he had only drunk a couple of beers hours ago? I doubted it, and I thought if I looked hard enough I’d find an empty bottle of vodka hidden somewhere in the house, but I didn’t intend on searching. He was the responsible adult, and I was the kid. Nothing I said would make any difference.
Wanting to help, I brewed a pot of coffee while he was getting changed and then put it in a thermos mug for him to take with him.
He reappeared within ten minutes.
I handed him the coffee, and gave him a smile, wanting to build bridges. I didn’t want him to go to work still angry with me. He smiled back and leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, a waft of mint overlaying the stale alcohol flowing over me.
“Thanks, sweetheart,” he said.
“No problem, Dad. Stay safe, okay?”
He threw me a wink as he turned away. “Always.”
Chapter Ten
Gabi – Present Day
I woke filled with the desperate need to pee. I’d been having one of those dreams where I was searching for a toilet, and I knew I wasn’t going to hold on much longer.
With an aching bladder, I swung my legs out of bed and hopped to my feet.
In a moment of complete disorientation, the floor rushed up and smashed me in the face.
I found myself in a crumpled heap, jarring my neck, my teeth cracking together. For a split second, confusion filled me, trying to work out what had happened to make me fall, and then it all came tumbling back over me. Of course, I had completely forgotten about the amputation.
I let out a scream of frustration and pounded my bunched fists on the floor. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
I hurt from the fall, and tears pooled in my eyes and then streamed down my cheeks. I didn’t like giving way to self-pity, but right at that moment I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be someone who couldn’t even get out of bed at night without falling on her face. My dad had slept through the whole thing, just as he always did, and I felt stupid, and helpless, and utterly alone.
This wasn’t the first time I’d forgotten and done exactly the same thing. It had happened more in the early days and I’d thought I’d gotten over it. But when I dreamed I had two legs, and then I still felt that leg when I woke, there never seemed to be enough time between waking and remembering to stop me falling down when I got out of bed.
I
Similar Books
