tea-time.
Adolf Hitler enters first, he is limping slightly, due to chilblains acquired on the long voyage, allied to his verrucas and athlete’s foot. He speaks.
HITLER : Someone get us a bleeding armchair, me Admirals [14] are killing me.
GOERING : And some sarnies, my belly’s emptier than a Führer’s promise. (Laughter from the officer ranks.)
HITLER : (Adjusting his hearing aid.) What was that?
GOERING : I said, praise the fatherland, my Führer. (Further laughter.)
HITLER : You fat bastard.
Now before we go any further with this particular drama, it might be well worth identifying the principal players, explaining a little bit about them and a few things that are not generally known about the German language.
Firstly Hitler. Well, we all know about him, don’t we? Sold his soul to the devil at an early age, the rest is history.
Hermann Goering. One of Hitler’s original henchmen, drinking buddy from their old bierkeller bird-pulling days. In charge of something or other pretty big, it might have been the airforce. What is known is that although he was a fat bastard, a really fat bastard, he was also a fop who used to change his clothes as many as five times a day. He probably sweated a lot and this was before the invention of underarm deodorants.
Heinrich Himmler. He was the little sod with the pince-nez specs who masterminded the extermination camps. Described as looking “like a school teacher”. Sexual pervert and sadist. He’d have fitted in quite nicely at any of our public schools really.
Joseph Goebbels. Well, we all know him, he was the “poison dwarf”, in charge of propaganda, looked like Himmler only shorter.
Albert Speer. He was the architect who was designing the new Germany. Didn’t seem to have much in the way of imagination, as the new Germany was going to look just like Old Rome. Curiously enough, Prince Charles’ designs for a “new London” mirror almost exactly Speer’s vision of the new Berlin. I wonder if perhaps they are related. [15]
Regarding the German language, what most people don’t realize is that it, like other languages, has regional accents. If we were to equate the German language with the English language and consider the way it was spoken by the players listed above, we would find: that Hitler spoke the German equivalent of broad Cockney; Goering, Yorkshire; Himmler, Eton and Albert Speer, Dublin!
Well, they speak English in Dublin (and for the most part better than we do).
So, if there’s anyone left who hasn’t been offended and is still prepared to read on, we rejoin the action back in the big hangar. Armchairs have been brought and sandwiches and Viktor Schauberger (who nobody knows anything about, but who a great deal of costly personal research on my part has revealed spoke very much like a Welshman) is getting down to business.
SCHAUBERGER : Indeed to goodness, yacky-dah and leaks, isn’t it?
HITLER : What’s this Zurich [16] on about?
HIMMLER : If I might interpret for you, my Führer, he is trying to explain the major breakthrough that he and his colleagues have precipitated, using the advanced technology supplied by our off-world allies.
HITLER : Our bleeding
what
?
HIMMLER : The chaps from outer space, my Führer.
HITLER : Foreigners? I hate bleeding foreigners.
GOERING : That’s reet good, coming from an Austrian. (Laughter.)
SCHAUBERGER : “Reet good’s” Geordie, isn’t it? Like “away the lads”.
GOERING : Well, I’ll go to the foot of our stairs. How’s that?
SCHAUBERGER : More like it.
HITLER : Can we get this over with? I want to get me Aryans [17] off and rub some lard on me Yiddishers. [18]
HIMMLER : I will explain everything, my Führer. As you may or may not know, Mr Schauberger here has been working on the
Flügelrad
project.
HITLER : Yeah. Yeah. Disc-shaped aircraft, they’ve got as much chance of getting in the air as the allies have of winning the bloody war. (No laughter.)
HIMMLER :
Adolf Hitler enters first, he is limping slightly, due to chilblains acquired on the long voyage, allied to his verrucas and athlete’s foot. He speaks.
HITLER : Someone get us a bleeding armchair, me Admirals [14] are killing me.
GOERING : And some sarnies, my belly’s emptier than a Führer’s promise. (Laughter from the officer ranks.)
HITLER : (Adjusting his hearing aid.) What was that?
GOERING : I said, praise the fatherland, my Führer. (Further laughter.)
HITLER : You fat bastard.
Now before we go any further with this particular drama, it might be well worth identifying the principal players, explaining a little bit about them and a few things that are not generally known about the German language.
Firstly Hitler. Well, we all know about him, don’t we? Sold his soul to the devil at an early age, the rest is history.
Hermann Goering. One of Hitler’s original henchmen, drinking buddy from their old bierkeller bird-pulling days. In charge of something or other pretty big, it might have been the airforce. What is known is that although he was a fat bastard, a really fat bastard, he was also a fop who used to change his clothes as many as five times a day. He probably sweated a lot and this was before the invention of underarm deodorants.
Heinrich Himmler. He was the little sod with the pince-nez specs who masterminded the extermination camps. Described as looking “like a school teacher”. Sexual pervert and sadist. He’d have fitted in quite nicely at any of our public schools really.
Joseph Goebbels. Well, we all know him, he was the “poison dwarf”, in charge of propaganda, looked like Himmler only shorter.
Albert Speer. He was the architect who was designing the new Germany. Didn’t seem to have much in the way of imagination, as the new Germany was going to look just like Old Rome. Curiously enough, Prince Charles’ designs for a “new London” mirror almost exactly Speer’s vision of the new Berlin. I wonder if perhaps they are related. [15]
Regarding the German language, what most people don’t realize is that it, like other languages, has regional accents. If we were to equate the German language with the English language and consider the way it was spoken by the players listed above, we would find: that Hitler spoke the German equivalent of broad Cockney; Goering, Yorkshire; Himmler, Eton and Albert Speer, Dublin!
Well, they speak English in Dublin (and for the most part better than we do).
So, if there’s anyone left who hasn’t been offended and is still prepared to read on, we rejoin the action back in the big hangar. Armchairs have been brought and sandwiches and Viktor Schauberger (who nobody knows anything about, but who a great deal of costly personal research on my part has revealed spoke very much like a Welshman) is getting down to business.
SCHAUBERGER : Indeed to goodness, yacky-dah and leaks, isn’t it?
HITLER : What’s this Zurich [16] on about?
HIMMLER : If I might interpret for you, my Führer, he is trying to explain the major breakthrough that he and his colleagues have precipitated, using the advanced technology supplied by our off-world allies.
HITLER : Our bleeding
what
?
HIMMLER : The chaps from outer space, my Führer.
HITLER : Foreigners? I hate bleeding foreigners.
GOERING : That’s reet good, coming from an Austrian. (Laughter.)
SCHAUBERGER : “Reet good’s” Geordie, isn’t it? Like “away the lads”.
GOERING : Well, I’ll go to the foot of our stairs. How’s that?
SCHAUBERGER : More like it.
HITLER : Can we get this over with? I want to get me Aryans [17] off and rub some lard on me Yiddishers. [18]
HIMMLER : I will explain everything, my Führer. As you may or may not know, Mr Schauberger here has been working on the
Flügelrad
project.
HITLER : Yeah. Yeah. Disc-shaped aircraft, they’ve got as much chance of getting in the air as the allies have of winning the bloody war. (No laughter.)
HIMMLER :
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