Thadias’s
son. We had video game marathons and tried to one-up each other on the
funniest YouTube videos we could find. We watched movies and Cook loaded
us up on ice cream.
I
had him stand on the back of my chair and I’d race him around the
hallways. We talked horses and he showed me sketches he’d been doing of
the stables. Cameron had no expectations because he was a child. He
wanted nothing from me but a companion to play with.
I’d
been an only child and we both knew what it was like to come from the kind of
money that didn’t even seem real. He could make me laugh until I
cried. I’d make him laugh until he spewed soda out of his nose.
It
was great. It was a break from my life. My charmed and painfully
lonely life.
My
nightmares were escalating but I wouldn’t take sleeping medication no matter
how mild Theresa assured me it was. It was usually Bianca and Padme who
woke me. Si didn’t complain once about the black eye I’d given him the
night Padme called for more help.
I
often saw Hyde standing just inside my door. That I still considered two
men with one name was likely a sign of my mental deterioration. They were
careful not to touch me but they were always in the room as the others woke me
from the horror I faced when I closed my eyes in the dark.
When
the soft casts came off, the physical therapy became a demon I had to defeat.
I pushed the PT until one of my team went to Theresa about the safety of
the baby. She cut back my exercises and the amount of time I was allowed
to work out.
She
preferred I use the indoor pool and swim laps which wouldn’t impact my body as
harshly. So I swam. Lap after lap after lap, until I could barely
lift my arms. At least one of the Hyde brothers swam every single lap
with me. The other usually had to assist me from the pool.
The
days passed and I insulated myself as much as I could despite being surrounded
by people twenty-four hours a day. The fact that I was pregnant was not
acknowledged openly but it was obvious that everyone on the estate knew by the
way they watched out for me.
I
didn’t talk about it. I made purchases and piled the boxes up in the
connected room I planned to use as a nursery when the baby came. At the
beginning of September, I went to pull on my jeans and couldn’t snap
them. Overnight, I had a belly. I was four months along.
I
dropped the jeans and turned to the side facing the full length mirror.
Now I could see it. A rounding I didn’t think had been there
yesterday. My breasts were heavier. I called my mom and she slammed
into my room ten minutes later. I was wearing yoga pants and a bulky
t-shirt.
“Stuff
isn’t fitting. Now what?” My mom hugged me and said she’d take care
of everything. Then she spent a few minutes staring at my reflection with
tears in her eyes.
Three
days later I was sitting in the back garden reading in the shade. Hyde
was stationed behind me somewhere. Padme was sitting beside me working on
her iPad.
I
felt the strangest crawling feeling and I jumped up off the chair, totally
freaked out.
Book
on the ground, arms patting myself frantically, and my staff trying to help
without invading the distance I’d enforced. It happened again and I was
speechless. I realized what it was the second time and I went utterly
still.
Padme’s
eyes went from my face to my belly and back again. “You just felt the
baby for the first time.”
I
couldn’t answer, couldn’t think. It suddenly hit me that there was a baby in there; a small person that was depending on me to love and protect it.
Padme sent a quick text to my mom who came running with my father and the
Safoyas.
Hyde
stood behind me and I couldn’t bring myself to look at their faces. I
wasn’t sure what I’d see there.
Now
my pregnancy was going to be open. People would talk about it. I
wasn’t ashamed of the baby, I was ashamed of the
son. We had video game marathons and tried to one-up each other on the
funniest YouTube videos we could find. We watched movies and Cook loaded
us up on ice cream.
I
had him stand on the back of my chair and I’d race him around the
hallways. We talked horses and he showed me sketches he’d been doing of
the stables. Cameron had no expectations because he was a child. He
wanted nothing from me but a companion to play with.
I’d
been an only child and we both knew what it was like to come from the kind of
money that didn’t even seem real. He could make me laugh until I
cried. I’d make him laugh until he spewed soda out of his nose.
It
was great. It was a break from my life. My charmed and painfully
lonely life.
My
nightmares were escalating but I wouldn’t take sleeping medication no matter
how mild Theresa assured me it was. It was usually Bianca and Padme who
woke me. Si didn’t complain once about the black eye I’d given him the
night Padme called for more help.
I
often saw Hyde standing just inside my door. That I still considered two
men with one name was likely a sign of my mental deterioration. They were
careful not to touch me but they were always in the room as the others woke me
from the horror I faced when I closed my eyes in the dark.
When
the soft casts came off, the physical therapy became a demon I had to defeat.
I pushed the PT until one of my team went to Theresa about the safety of
the baby. She cut back my exercises and the amount of time I was allowed
to work out.
She
preferred I use the indoor pool and swim laps which wouldn’t impact my body as
harshly. So I swam. Lap after lap after lap, until I could barely
lift my arms. At least one of the Hyde brothers swam every single lap
with me. The other usually had to assist me from the pool.
The
days passed and I insulated myself as much as I could despite being surrounded
by people twenty-four hours a day. The fact that I was pregnant was not
acknowledged openly but it was obvious that everyone on the estate knew by the
way they watched out for me.
I
didn’t talk about it. I made purchases and piled the boxes up in the
connected room I planned to use as a nursery when the baby came. At the
beginning of September, I went to pull on my jeans and couldn’t snap
them. Overnight, I had a belly. I was four months along.
I
dropped the jeans and turned to the side facing the full length mirror.
Now I could see it. A rounding I didn’t think had been there
yesterday. My breasts were heavier. I called my mom and she slammed
into my room ten minutes later. I was wearing yoga pants and a bulky
t-shirt.
“Stuff
isn’t fitting. Now what?” My mom hugged me and said she’d take care
of everything. Then she spent a few minutes staring at my reflection with
tears in her eyes.
Three
days later I was sitting in the back garden reading in the shade. Hyde
was stationed behind me somewhere. Padme was sitting beside me working on
her iPad.
I
felt the strangest crawling feeling and I jumped up off the chair, totally
freaked out.
Book
on the ground, arms patting myself frantically, and my staff trying to help
without invading the distance I’d enforced. It happened again and I was
speechless. I realized what it was the second time and I went utterly
still.
Padme’s
eyes went from my face to my belly and back again. “You just felt the
baby for the first time.”
I
couldn’t answer, couldn’t think. It suddenly hit me that there was a baby in there; a small person that was depending on me to love and protect it.
Padme sent a quick text to my mom who came running with my father and the
Safoyas.
Hyde
stood behind me and I couldn’t bring myself to look at their faces. I
wasn’t sure what I’d see there.
Now
my pregnancy was going to be open. People would talk about it. I
wasn’t ashamed of the baby, I was ashamed of the
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