know. She couldn’t do it. She was a misfit.
But near the end of her sophomore year, she had gone to a social gathering on campus hosted by Youth For Christ. She was feeling backwards as usual because no one was talking to her or asking her to dance, until Levi strolled up, asked her very simply, and she had taken his arm. He talked to her the entire time they were dancing, asking her important questions about herself he actually seemed interested in knowing the answers to, and then he asked if she wanted to get some punch and sit for awhile. She had agreed, and he kept talking to her, drawing out bits and pieces one by one as if he didn’t have anything he’d rather do.
He was a senior that year, and he was planning to attend seminary after he graduated--at a Bible college there in Chicago. They had both grown up in Illinois. She had spent most of her childhood near Decatur, and his most recent home had been just outside of Chicago, but his family had moved around a lot. His dad had been a church planter and traveling evangelist all over the state.
He asked her to dance two more times before the night was over and then walked her back to her dorm and asked if she wanted to go out with him sometime. Levi had done everything to initiate and keep their relationship progressing forward, and she had done nothing but gone along with it. He didn’t have to talk her into going out with him each week. He didn’t have to talk her into letting him kiss her for the first time. He didn’t have to talk her into marrying him when he proposed a year and a half later. He was perfect in every way. Just what she needed and wanted. He loved her, and she loved him back.
He had taken care of her for twenty-five years, twenty-seven including their courtship time, and now he was gone. Who was going to take care of her? She needed someone to take care of her. She had given no thought to possibly getting remarried. She knew it was a possibility down the road, and meeting someone new she could share the remainder of her years with wasn’t something she had ruled out by any means, but she wasn’t thinking about it this soon. Levi had been gone for three months. This was way too soon for her to be going there, wasn’t it? I shouldn’t have let Andrew do this. What am I doing?
Andrew brought a chair over to the bed and sat down. Sarah lifted her eyes, and he gave her a look that told her she was safe with him. Safe from humiliation. Safe from not knowing her way around the city. Safe from any kind of unscrupulous behavior on his part. Her feelings of panic subsided, and so did the fog around her. She wanted to be fully present now, not lost in despair.
“What did we talk about on our walk today, Sarah?”
She didn’t have to think about it, but she took her time and answered honestly. “How could Levi leave me alone like this? How could God take him away from me?”
“Are you angry, Sarah?”
“Yes.”
She held back the tears, but she didn’t know how long she could do so until Andrew’s soft-spoken words came again.
“I was angry too, Sarah. I still am sometimes.”
His admission gave her the courage to say something she had been thinking today. Something coming here without Levi had brought to the surface. “I can’t live without him, Andrew. I can’t!”
The tears came this time, and he let her cry. She didn’t feel embarrassed, but she wondered if this was normal. Was she completely losing it? Did she need counseling? Medication? Was she clinically depressed or in the middle of a normal grieving process?
Andrew got her talking again. He had a gentle way about him that made her want to answer his questions. “What else did we talk about?”
She turned her thoughts from what she had lost to her life at the moment. “Why did God want me to come here this week? What am I doing here?”
“Maybe for this,” he said.
“Why are you
But near the end of her sophomore year, she had gone to a social gathering on campus hosted by Youth For Christ. She was feeling backwards as usual because no one was talking to her or asking her to dance, until Levi strolled up, asked her very simply, and she had taken his arm. He talked to her the entire time they were dancing, asking her important questions about herself he actually seemed interested in knowing the answers to, and then he asked if she wanted to get some punch and sit for awhile. She had agreed, and he kept talking to her, drawing out bits and pieces one by one as if he didn’t have anything he’d rather do.
He was a senior that year, and he was planning to attend seminary after he graduated--at a Bible college there in Chicago. They had both grown up in Illinois. She had spent most of her childhood near Decatur, and his most recent home had been just outside of Chicago, but his family had moved around a lot. His dad had been a church planter and traveling evangelist all over the state.
He asked her to dance two more times before the night was over and then walked her back to her dorm and asked if she wanted to go out with him sometime. Levi had done everything to initiate and keep their relationship progressing forward, and she had done nothing but gone along with it. He didn’t have to talk her into going out with him each week. He didn’t have to talk her into letting him kiss her for the first time. He didn’t have to talk her into marrying him when he proposed a year and a half later. He was perfect in every way. Just what she needed and wanted. He loved her, and she loved him back.
He had taken care of her for twenty-five years, twenty-seven including their courtship time, and now he was gone. Who was going to take care of her? She needed someone to take care of her. She had given no thought to possibly getting remarried. She knew it was a possibility down the road, and meeting someone new she could share the remainder of her years with wasn’t something she had ruled out by any means, but she wasn’t thinking about it this soon. Levi had been gone for three months. This was way too soon for her to be going there, wasn’t it? I shouldn’t have let Andrew do this. What am I doing?
Andrew brought a chair over to the bed and sat down. Sarah lifted her eyes, and he gave her a look that told her she was safe with him. Safe from humiliation. Safe from not knowing her way around the city. Safe from any kind of unscrupulous behavior on his part. Her feelings of panic subsided, and so did the fog around her. She wanted to be fully present now, not lost in despair.
“What did we talk about on our walk today, Sarah?”
She didn’t have to think about it, but she took her time and answered honestly. “How could Levi leave me alone like this? How could God take him away from me?”
“Are you angry, Sarah?”
“Yes.”
She held back the tears, but she didn’t know how long she could do so until Andrew’s soft-spoken words came again.
“I was angry too, Sarah. I still am sometimes.”
His admission gave her the courage to say something she had been thinking today. Something coming here without Levi had brought to the surface. “I can’t live without him, Andrew. I can’t!”
The tears came this time, and he let her cry. She didn’t feel embarrassed, but she wondered if this was normal. Was she completely losing it? Did she need counseling? Medication? Was she clinically depressed or in the middle of a normal grieving process?
Andrew got her talking again. He had a gentle way about him that made her want to answer his questions. “What else did we talk about?”
She turned her thoughts from what she had lost to her life at the moment. “Why did God want me to come here this week? What am I doing here?”
“Maybe for this,” he said.
“Why are you
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