Off to War by Deborah Ellis Page A

a heart, we put a few things in the bear to remind him of us, so he could squeeze the bear and think of us. We also made sure he had lots of photos of us.
    Then we said goodbye, and I got on a plane and went back to Nebraska. I’d gotten a diary as a present that Christmas, so I wrote in that a lot. It helped. It was an outlet for what I was thinking and feeling.
    Dad wasn’t allowed to phone us from where he was. He could send emails sometimes, but they were pretty generic. Everything was very confidential about where he was and whathe was doing, so there’s a lot that he couldn’t write about. We weren’t even allowed to know where he was stationed. That made it harder for me. I couldn’t just look on a map and say, “Okay, Dad is there.” It made him seem even farther away.
    I didn’t tell a lot of my friends that Dad was in Iraq the first time he went over. I didn’t really know how to tell them. The second time he went, I was in middle school, and middle school is a very small world. Word got around fast that my dad was over there.
    I found it really hard both times Dad was gone. I’d break down and cry, right in the middle of school! I didn’t have very good control over my emotions, but I was so scared that something bad would happen to him, and I was so angry with the government for sending him over there. I’d be sitting in math class or whatever, then my head would start turning toward the war, and I’d start to cry. I couldn’t help it.
    Sometimes I’d leave class when I felt the crying coming on, or I wouldn’t go back after recess. I’d cry in the bathrooms. My friends would come out to look for me, then sit with me and try to comfort me. They’d get into trouble for being out of class. I’d speak up for them but they’d still get into trouble.
    I think when your parents are regular army or regular air force or navy, there are a lot of kids around whose parents are deployed. Teachers of these kids know how hard it can be because they’re used to dealing with it. Kids of National Guard parents, we’re often on our own. We might be the only kid in the whole town who has a parent overseas. Our teachers don’t really know what to do with us because they’re not used to it. People join the National Guard expecting to serve in the state of Michigan or the state of wherever. They don’t expect to serve in Iraq. Anyway, my father didn’t expect it.
    My father’s been back from his second tour for about three months now. I think he stayed on the base in Iraq most of thetime, repairing tires and working on the planes. He always heard a lot of bombs, but they were never right on top of him. He did see a lot of harsh stuff, though. He saw people being hurt, and people dying.
    He came back really jumpy. He’s not looking forward to the Fourth of July because he hates fireworks now. I mean, that’s what fireworks are, right? Explosions! With so many servicemen and women coming back from Iraq, spooked by those sounds, you’d think people back home here would have a heart and cancel all fireworks. But no, they won’t do that! People don’t like to do without anything, even if that would make someone feel better.
    Dad’s not technically on active duty, but he could still get sent back. The military is calling for volunteers, but no one in the mechanic shop wants to go over there. My dad says it wouldn’t bother him a whole lot to go back. He didn’t like being there, and he’s against the war, but he says they need mechanics so that the planes will fly safely. An unsafe plane could mean that people get killed. He’s a really good mechanic who likes his job, even though he doesn’t appreciate the war.
    My uncle died in Iraq. He was driving in a tank and he got killed by a roadside bomb, I think in a different part of the country from where my dad was. That’s one of the