you’ve also got to think about premises. For your business. Let’s forget about starting big and waiting for the banks, and just start. All you need is something very modest, a big garage even would do for now, which you could fit out as a lab. I expect you could contract out any kind of bottling and labelling. The thing to do at this stage is get the biggest mortgage available on the house, and keep your capital for the business. You’ll find that harder to raise money for, and you’ll get a bigger tax concession on a personal mortgage than anything. Anyway, I’ll put in any money I can rake up. I’ve been meaning to sell a few shares anyway, they’re just beginning to recover nicely. Only I’ll leave it as long as I can.’
‘Mother, you really are full of surprises,’ said Julian looking at her in genuine admiration, ‘first cash-flow forecasting for the farm, then capital investment programme for Morell Pharmaceuticals, all in one evening. You will be financial director, won’t you? And my factory manager as well?’
‘Until I get a better offer,’ said Letitia. ‘Of course I will, Julian, I’ve always loved the idea of money and business andmaking more. It excites me. Only it’s something I’ve never had much of a chance to do anything about in the wilds of Wiltshire. I’ve often tried to suggest improvements and investment on the farm, but James and your father would never listen to me.’
‘Well, I’ll listen. Gratefully. And as often as I can. And now while we’re in such communicative mood, Mother, and I’ve sat so politely while you put me just ever so gently in my place, will you tell me something? Something I’ve always wanted to know?’
‘I can’t imagine what,’ said Letitia, just a trifle too lightly.
‘Yes, you can. The twins.’
‘What about the twins?’
‘Well, I don’t know, I just know there was more to that than you’ve ever admitted. Some mystery. Something strange.’
‘Nonsense. Nothing of the sort. They were born . . . prematurely. They died. Nothing more to tell than that.’ But her eyes shadowed, and her jaw tightened; Julian watching her felt the emotion struggling in her.
‘Mother, please tell me, If it’s something that concerns me in some way, I have a right to know what it is. And I can find out anyway. I think James has some idea about it.’
‘Why?’ said Letitia sharply.
‘Oh, the odd thing he’s said. One night, when we were talking, just after I got home. About how there seemed to be a mystery about it all. How various people still gossiped about it. About all of us. He clammed up after that, wouldn’t say any more. But I shall just pester him if you won’t tell me.’
Letitia looked at him for a long time. Then she sighed and stood up.
‘Where are you going?’
‘To pour myself a stiff drink,’ she said. ‘And one for you. I will tell you. If only to stop you worrying James with it. I had no idea that gossip was still going on. Of course he would never ask me, he’s much too shy. You do have a right to know, I suppose. And it does concern you. You, but not James. So I would much rather you didn’t talk to him about it. Will you promise me that, Julian?’
‘Of course.’ He watched her as she sat down again. ‘I’m very intrigued now, Mother,’ he said, as lightly as he could, knowing, sensing what he was to hear was hugely important for both of them. ‘I can’t imagine what you’re going to tell me.’
‘No,’ she said, ‘no you couldn’t possibly.’
He listened, as she told him, in complete silence; afterwards he sat for a long time, just holding her hand and watching the fire, marvelling at her courage and at the human capacity for love and its power to keep silent.
Chapter Two
London, 1948–51
JULIAN AND LETITIA Morell settled into life in London with a kind of joyous relief, falling hungrily on its pleasures and feeling they were both for the first time in their proper habitat. They bought a pretty
‘Mother, you really are full of surprises,’ said Julian looking at her in genuine admiration, ‘first cash-flow forecasting for the farm, then capital investment programme for Morell Pharmaceuticals, all in one evening. You will be financial director, won’t you? And my factory manager as well?’
‘Until I get a better offer,’ said Letitia. ‘Of course I will, Julian, I’ve always loved the idea of money and business andmaking more. It excites me. Only it’s something I’ve never had much of a chance to do anything about in the wilds of Wiltshire. I’ve often tried to suggest improvements and investment on the farm, but James and your father would never listen to me.’
‘Well, I’ll listen. Gratefully. And as often as I can. And now while we’re in such communicative mood, Mother, and I’ve sat so politely while you put me just ever so gently in my place, will you tell me something? Something I’ve always wanted to know?’
‘I can’t imagine what,’ said Letitia, just a trifle too lightly.
‘Yes, you can. The twins.’
‘What about the twins?’
‘Well, I don’t know, I just know there was more to that than you’ve ever admitted. Some mystery. Something strange.’
‘Nonsense. Nothing of the sort. They were born . . . prematurely. They died. Nothing more to tell than that.’ But her eyes shadowed, and her jaw tightened; Julian watching her felt the emotion struggling in her.
‘Mother, please tell me, If it’s something that concerns me in some way, I have a right to know what it is. And I can find out anyway. I think James has some idea about it.’
‘Why?’ said Letitia sharply.
‘Oh, the odd thing he’s said. One night, when we were talking, just after I got home. About how there seemed to be a mystery about it all. How various people still gossiped about it. About all of us. He clammed up after that, wouldn’t say any more. But I shall just pester him if you won’t tell me.’
Letitia looked at him for a long time. Then she sighed and stood up.
‘Where are you going?’
‘To pour myself a stiff drink,’ she said. ‘And one for you. I will tell you. If only to stop you worrying James with it. I had no idea that gossip was still going on. Of course he would never ask me, he’s much too shy. You do have a right to know, I suppose. And it does concern you. You, but not James. So I would much rather you didn’t talk to him about it. Will you promise me that, Julian?’
‘Of course.’ He watched her as she sat down again. ‘I’m very intrigued now, Mother,’ he said, as lightly as he could, knowing, sensing what he was to hear was hugely important for both of them. ‘I can’t imagine what you’re going to tell me.’
‘No,’ she said, ‘no you couldn’t possibly.’
He listened, as she told him, in complete silence; afterwards he sat for a long time, just holding her hand and watching the fire, marvelling at her courage and at the human capacity for love and its power to keep silent.
Chapter Two
London, 1948–51
JULIAN AND LETITIA Morell settled into life in London with a kind of joyous relief, falling hungrily on its pleasures and feeling they were both for the first time in their proper habitat. They bought a pretty
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