coat of paint. But I’ll get it done.” She frowned. “Doesn’t look like my putt-putt course will open anytime soon, though.”
Jenna nodded. “So I’ve heard. I stopped at the hardware store when I got back yesterday, and Ben mentioned Tim Decker’s troubles. He seemed to think I had the inside track because we’re friends. Do the police have any leads?”
“Not according to Tim. I saw him a few minutes ago. He said the bearings are shot in his machine—whatever that means. But his second dozer should be free in a week, so he hopes to get back to my project then.”
Jenna offered the muffins to Rachel, but she thanked her and declined. She took another sip of her lemonade, then felt a silly flutter in her stomach as she beganhesitantly. “You remember my neighbor Jake Campbell, don’t you?”
“Sure. Nice guy.” Jenna’s blue eyes danced beneath her side-swept dark blond bangs as she amended her description. “Nice, tall, good-looking, muscular guy. Or am I thinking of someone else?”
Feeling her cheeks warm, Rachel said, “No, I think we’re talking about the same man.”
“Okay. What about him? Is something going on?”
“I don’t know,” she returned quietly. “Maybe. It’s just so hard to get past …”
Jenna nodded her understanding. “David.”
Rachel felt her throat tighten. “I still miss him, Jen. I can’t imagine ever not missing him.”
“I know. The two of you were good together. But now there’s Jake.”
“Yes.”
“And you feel guilty.”
Rachel nodded. “I like him. He makes me feel good just being around him. He’s fun and he’s smart … and caring about him feels so wrong and so right at the same time.”
Jenna squeezed Rachel’s hand and she squeezed back, relieved to finally be talking about her feelings for him.
“Can I say something without making you cry?” Jenna asked.
“Probably not,” Rachel returned, laughing a little and already seeing her friend through watery eyes. “But go ahead.”
Jenna spoke softly. “Anyone who knew you and David could see the love you had for each other. But, honey, he can’t come back to you. That’s not the way lifeworks.” Jenna sent her a sad smile as tears spilled over Rachel’s cheeks. “A love that big isn’t selfish. David adored you. He’d want you to be happy, wouldn’t he?” Drawing a trembling breath, Rachel nodded. But knowing that and acting on that knowledge were two very different things.
Later, wrapped in the variegated blue afghan her grandmother had crocheted, Rachel sat on her deck, curled in a redwood lounge chair, staring through a break in the trees above her driveway. Overhead in the inky blackness, a plane on a night flight blinked red and green, momentarily distracting her from God’s magnificent light show. She’d doused all the lights in her home except for the forty-watt bulb glowing in her over-the-range microwave, and the stars seemed to shimmer and gleam in stereo. It was a perfect night for soul searching … a perfect night to consider questions that had caromed around in her mind since her visit with Jenna.
“What do I do about this, God?’ she murmured. “I loved David with all my heart. You know that. But Jenna’s right. He wouldn’t want me to give up a chance at happiness. That’s the kind of man he was, and it’s what I would have wanted for him if our lives—our deaths—had been reversed.” She watched the plane disappear behind the trees—searched for God in the stars. “As for Jake … You saw him tonight, staining my picnic tables, then leaving and bringing back pizza. But I don’t know if he’s being a good neighbor, if he’s still in protective mode, or something else. And is this the right time for ‘something else'?”
Fireflies flitted in the air, their tiny beacons flashing in the darkness—but throwing no light at all on herconflicted thoughts. She shifted on the lounger, pulled her bare feet up under the afghan. “His broken
Jenna nodded. “So I’ve heard. I stopped at the hardware store when I got back yesterday, and Ben mentioned Tim Decker’s troubles. He seemed to think I had the inside track because we’re friends. Do the police have any leads?”
“Not according to Tim. I saw him a few minutes ago. He said the bearings are shot in his machine—whatever that means. But his second dozer should be free in a week, so he hopes to get back to my project then.”
Jenna offered the muffins to Rachel, but she thanked her and declined. She took another sip of her lemonade, then felt a silly flutter in her stomach as she beganhesitantly. “You remember my neighbor Jake Campbell, don’t you?”
“Sure. Nice guy.” Jenna’s blue eyes danced beneath her side-swept dark blond bangs as she amended her description. “Nice, tall, good-looking, muscular guy. Or am I thinking of someone else?”
Feeling her cheeks warm, Rachel said, “No, I think we’re talking about the same man.”
“Okay. What about him? Is something going on?”
“I don’t know,” she returned quietly. “Maybe. It’s just so hard to get past …”
Jenna nodded her understanding. “David.”
Rachel felt her throat tighten. “I still miss him, Jen. I can’t imagine ever not missing him.”
“I know. The two of you were good together. But now there’s Jake.”
“Yes.”
“And you feel guilty.”
Rachel nodded. “I like him. He makes me feel good just being around him. He’s fun and he’s smart … and caring about him feels so wrong and so right at the same time.”
Jenna squeezed Rachel’s hand and she squeezed back, relieved to finally be talking about her feelings for him.
“Can I say something without making you cry?” Jenna asked.
“Probably not,” Rachel returned, laughing a little and already seeing her friend through watery eyes. “But go ahead.”
Jenna spoke softly. “Anyone who knew you and David could see the love you had for each other. But, honey, he can’t come back to you. That’s not the way lifeworks.” Jenna sent her a sad smile as tears spilled over Rachel’s cheeks. “A love that big isn’t selfish. David adored you. He’d want you to be happy, wouldn’t he?” Drawing a trembling breath, Rachel nodded. But knowing that and acting on that knowledge were two very different things.
Later, wrapped in the variegated blue afghan her grandmother had crocheted, Rachel sat on her deck, curled in a redwood lounge chair, staring through a break in the trees above her driveway. Overhead in the inky blackness, a plane on a night flight blinked red and green, momentarily distracting her from God’s magnificent light show. She’d doused all the lights in her home except for the forty-watt bulb glowing in her over-the-range microwave, and the stars seemed to shimmer and gleam in stereo. It was a perfect night for soul searching … a perfect night to consider questions that had caromed around in her mind since her visit with Jenna.
“What do I do about this, God?’ she murmured. “I loved David with all my heart. You know that. But Jenna’s right. He wouldn’t want me to give up a chance at happiness. That’s the kind of man he was, and it’s what I would have wanted for him if our lives—our deaths—had been reversed.” She watched the plane disappear behind the trees—searched for God in the stars. “As for Jake … You saw him tonight, staining my picnic tables, then leaving and bringing back pizza. But I don’t know if he’s being a good neighbor, if he’s still in protective mode, or something else. And is this the right time for ‘something else'?”
Fireflies flitted in the air, their tiny beacons flashing in the darkness—but throwing no light at all on herconflicted thoughts. She shifted on the lounger, pulled her bare feet up under the afghan. “His broken
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