second small plane wreaked havoc on my heart rate. Those steps had an air of finality to them because I knew that when they closed the airplane door I had only two options left: 1. Arrive in Maine and meet Sarah or 2. Die in a plane crash. I couldn’t say which one sounded scarier as I nestled tightly into my vinyl seat beside a middle aged woman. She gave me a polite smile and a nod and returned to her thick book.
I’m sure I tried to smile back, but it must have been a sickly looking thing. Hi, I thought to my seatmate , my name is Jennifer. I might puke all over you during this flight, but don’t worry, I’m not airsick. I’m just having a nervous breakdown. Just hand me an oxygen mask and ignore the hysterics. I curled my lip and gave the voice in my head a small snort. The woman looked up inquisitively and I managed a weak smile as a blush exploded up my face. Let’s save the lunacy for when we’re alone , I admonished myself as I grabbed the Sky Mall magazine.
As the plane lurched into the air I pushed my elbows into the seat, bracing myself, not for the flight, but for the truth. I felt it waiting for me, patiently biding its time while I made the final leg of my journey. The earth fell away from the plane as it took to the air and I saw only glimpses of the patchwork world of fields and trees from my aisle seat until we bounded into the white nothingness of the clouds. I watched the wing tip fluctuate hypnotically in the wind until the drink cart came clanking up the aisle.
When the flight attendant finished handing the woman next to me a Diet Coke she asked me animatedly what I wanted. I stared at her for a split second, bewildered how she could look so happy about drink preferences. I whispered ‘Sprite’ and started drinking before the burning bubbles stopped jumping from the glass. I breathed hard, suppressing a cough and my seat companion took the moment to study me more carefully.
“Are you alone?” She asked.
I nodded my head too enthusiastically.
“Coming or going?” She asked.
“Going,” I said as casually as I could manage. “Do you live in Maine?” I asked out of courtesy.
“No, no. I am going for a girls weekend out. No kids, no husbands. Just a spa on the coast with my girlfriend.”
“Sounds great,” I said, not really caring. “Me, too,” I added, surprising myself. “I’m going for a girl’s vacation, too. With my aunt.” I smiled, feeling my fear push ever so slightly to the side. My aunt felt good to say offhandedly, as if I said all the time.
“What town?” she asked.
“Smithport,” I said as I gulped down another sip.
“Hmm, I’ve never heard of it,” she said, deepening the wide wrinkles around her mouth as she thought. She looked like a spa would do her good.
You’re not the only one , I thought wryly as I gave her a polite grin and shrugged my shoulders. An hour after our short lived conversation, the plane began its descent. I craned my neck to see the ground as we sunk beneath the solid clouds. More trees than I expected. The fuzzy texture of forest seldom gave way to the smooth carpet of open land. When the pilot made a wide turn our window tilted to the ground and I could see a river twisting languidly through the landscape.
The plane jostled momentarily and then steadied. The flight attendant said something but my ears were thundering with my own blood. Hugging myself tightly, I willed my stomach to stay where it belonged. I’m here. I’m here. I’m here.
With a jolt the plane wheels grabbed the asphalt and the engines shrieked in protest as we hurtled toward our terminal. I’m sure the people around me thought the landing terrified me from the way my white fingers cut into my palms. My seatmate smiled at me sympathetically, but I couldn’t reciprocate. Our plane stopped. Dying in a fiery crash was no longer an option. “Oh crap,” I breathed almost soundlessly as the seatbelt light blinked off with a loud chime.
CHAPTER 8
I
I’m sure I tried to smile back, but it must have been a sickly looking thing. Hi, I thought to my seatmate , my name is Jennifer. I might puke all over you during this flight, but don’t worry, I’m not airsick. I’m just having a nervous breakdown. Just hand me an oxygen mask and ignore the hysterics. I curled my lip and gave the voice in my head a small snort. The woman looked up inquisitively and I managed a weak smile as a blush exploded up my face. Let’s save the lunacy for when we’re alone , I admonished myself as I grabbed the Sky Mall magazine.
As the plane lurched into the air I pushed my elbows into the seat, bracing myself, not for the flight, but for the truth. I felt it waiting for me, patiently biding its time while I made the final leg of my journey. The earth fell away from the plane as it took to the air and I saw only glimpses of the patchwork world of fields and trees from my aisle seat until we bounded into the white nothingness of the clouds. I watched the wing tip fluctuate hypnotically in the wind until the drink cart came clanking up the aisle.
When the flight attendant finished handing the woman next to me a Diet Coke she asked me animatedly what I wanted. I stared at her for a split second, bewildered how she could look so happy about drink preferences. I whispered ‘Sprite’ and started drinking before the burning bubbles stopped jumping from the glass. I breathed hard, suppressing a cough and my seat companion took the moment to study me more carefully.
“Are you alone?” She asked.
I nodded my head too enthusiastically.
“Coming or going?” She asked.
“Going,” I said as casually as I could manage. “Do you live in Maine?” I asked out of courtesy.
“No, no. I am going for a girls weekend out. No kids, no husbands. Just a spa on the coast with my girlfriend.”
“Sounds great,” I said, not really caring. “Me, too,” I added, surprising myself. “I’m going for a girl’s vacation, too. With my aunt.” I smiled, feeling my fear push ever so slightly to the side. My aunt felt good to say offhandedly, as if I said all the time.
“What town?” she asked.
“Smithport,” I said as I gulped down another sip.
“Hmm, I’ve never heard of it,” she said, deepening the wide wrinkles around her mouth as she thought. She looked like a spa would do her good.
You’re not the only one , I thought wryly as I gave her a polite grin and shrugged my shoulders. An hour after our short lived conversation, the plane began its descent. I craned my neck to see the ground as we sunk beneath the solid clouds. More trees than I expected. The fuzzy texture of forest seldom gave way to the smooth carpet of open land. When the pilot made a wide turn our window tilted to the ground and I could see a river twisting languidly through the landscape.
The plane jostled momentarily and then steadied. The flight attendant said something but my ears were thundering with my own blood. Hugging myself tightly, I willed my stomach to stay where it belonged. I’m here. I’m here. I’m here.
With a jolt the plane wheels grabbed the asphalt and the engines shrieked in protest as we hurtled toward our terminal. I’m sure the people around me thought the landing terrified me from the way my white fingers cut into my palms. My seatmate smiled at me sympathetically, but I couldn’t reciprocate. Our plane stopped. Dying in a fiery crash was no longer an option. “Oh crap,” I breathed almost soundlessly as the seatbelt light blinked off with a loud chime.
CHAPTER 8
I
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