you want to come on my big black cock."
I couldn't say that. I wanted to say that. But…
"I can't."
"That's ok, because I paid for you to get me off. Not you."
I swallowed back the humiliation, suddenly as pissed off as I was turned on. More determined now to just get him off and be done with it. But he held off, which ensured that it really did feel like work. I bounced up and down milking him, until finally he grabbed me hard by the hips and let out a bellow of pleasure.
I got to see his face tighten at the same time I felt him twitch with release, flooding the rubber inside me. Gripping me like a sex toy until he was done. It was a few minutes before we could both catch our breath, but when we did, he said, "Thanks. Worth every penny."
I smiled, not knowing what else to say. I wasn't exactly up on my prostitution etiquette. Was I supposed to compliment him or something? I shyly rolled off him, slipping under the sheets of the bed.
Meanwhile, he sat up and reached for his wallet. "Here's a little extra for the cock-sucking," he said, dropping another bill on the bedside table.
Then, he got up and dressed and left without another word.
Chapter Five
When Ben came back into the room, I was all but hiding beneath the sheet, wearing nothing but lace thigh high stockings.
He looked edgy, a little pale as he sat at the end of the bed. "You okay?"
I was not okay. I was…indescribable. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. I was ashamed. I was aroused. Mostly that. I'd been fucked perfunctorily, which is just what I wanted. I'd been treated like a toy. A commodity. A little fucking whore. And I wish I knew what was in my wiring that made me love it so goddamned much.
But that was the psychological pleasure. The deep-seated fantasy, the reality of which now announced itself on the bedside table in two crisp bills. My body was still screaming for satisfaction. Trembling with it, actually. "I'm okay. Just really turned on…"
I wasn't sure what I was going to see in Ben's eyes. In spite of the fact that he'd engineered this, I expected to see disgust or judgement. Instead I saw relief. "You're okay…" He breathed out a long breath. "I felt like a caged lion over there, pacing in front of the door, listening."
"Could you hear—"
"Everything. The bed thumping the wall. Everything. Yeah."
I swallowed. "Did it freak you out?"
Ben's eyes slid away again and my stomach did a somersault. I was pretty sure that this was where everything about this night was going to go really badly. So I braced myself.
Ben swallowed, and flattened his palms on his knees. "Don't think this is weird, okay? But it actually excited me a lot. I dunno if it was the adrenaline of being jealous, or the fear I was going to have to bust things up, or the knowledge that you were actually doing it. But I'm kind of going out of my mind right now with wanting to take you and…I dunno. Plant my flag. I want to make you mine so badly that I'm afraid to look at you for fear I'm going to just snap."
Thank God . I almost melted into the sheets as a surge of some very strong and strange emotion flooded me. I hadn't realized, until just this moment, how much I needed Ben to be okay with all this. Even though possessive talk from guys usually sent me running for the hills, I felt more honestly earned than by any guy I'd ever been with. And the realization forced me to be way more honest than I might otherwise have been. "You can look at me, Ben. You can snap if you want to. Because I couldn't stop thinking about you and wishing you were there in the room the whole time."
He blew out another shaky breath and met my eyes. "Can I see?"
"You can do anything you want," I said, meaning it more than the words could convey. So I let him peel back the sheet from my body.
How strange it was that even though this was the first time he'd ever seen me completely undressed, I wasn't self-conscious. Everything in his body language said that he adored my breasts, my hips,
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