On the Brink by Henry M. Paulson Page A

he said.
    “I’m not going to do it,” I said, without going into the details. I was surprised at how well informed he was.
    “I think you’ll be sorry,” Zhou replied. “I am someone who’s spent my life in government. You are a public-spirited person, and I think there’s much you could accomplish in the world right now.”
    The lunch at the White House was an impressive gathering. Still, I felt the president was cool with me when I saw him, as was Vice President Dick Cheney, with whom I’d had a good relationship. Someone in the receiving line who was well plugged into the administration said to me, “Hank, you’d have been a great Treasury secretary. And you know there may not be a chance for another Republican for years. Do you know what you’re doing turning this down?”
    When the lunch was over, Wendy and I walked onto the White House grounds by the entrance to the Treasury. It was a gorgeous day, the magnolias and cherry blossoms in full bloom set dramatically against a crisp blue sky.
    I felt awful.
    I don’t hide my emotions well, and Wendy could see I was distressed. She said: “Pea”—which is what she likes to call me—“I hope you didn’t turn this down because of me. You know if it was really important to you, I would have agreed.”
    At the time, she thought that was a throwaway line.
    “No,” I said, “I didn’t.”
    Shortly after, I went down to the Yucatán for a Nature Conservancy meeting, and I was in agony wondering whether I’d made a mistake. Almost everyone I’d consulted had advised against it. They would say: “You’re the head of Goldman Sachs. You’re the man; why go to Washington? The president has just two and a half years left. Look how unpopular he is. The Republicans are about to lose Congress. What can you possibly get done?”
    And yet part of me knew I owed much to my country, and it troubled me to say no to the president when he was asking for help. My good friend John Bryan reminded me that “there are no dress rehearsals in life. Do you really want to be 75 and telling people ‘I could have been Treasury secretary’?”
    I called Rogers and said, “John, I can’t believe I’ve done this.”
    He said, “Well, you may get another chance. They may come back.”
    And they did. I was in Germany on business in May, when Josh called again, and I agreed to meet him in D.C. on my way out to the West Coast for a Microsoft conference. We talked in a private suite at the Willard Hotel about what could be accomplished in the remaining years of the administration. We talked about what it was like to work with the president and about pressing policy matters like the need for entitlement reforms, as well as other areas where he thought I might be helpful, such as with Iran and cracking down on terror financing.
    I turned to a number of people for advice. Jim Baker, the former secretary of Treasury and State, who had recommended me to the president and urged me to accept the position, said that I should ask to be the primary adviser and spokesman for all domestic and international economic issues. “That,” as he put it, “really covers everything.”
    I was still struggling to decide. My epiphany came while I was flying out to the Microsoft meeting. As I thought through my decision, I recognized that it was simply fear that was causing me such anxiety. Fear of failure, fear of the unknown: the uncertainty of working with a group of people I had never worked with before and managing people I had never managed before.
    Once I understood this, I pushed back hard against the fear. I wasn’t going to give in to that. I prayed for the humility to do something not out of a sense of ego, but out of the fundamental understanding that one’s job in life is to express the good that comes from God. I always believed you should run toward problems and challenges; it was what I told the kids in camp when I was a counselor, and I now told myself that again. Fear of failure is