I
liked Nora, Jesus wept, I never liked no one me
whole life and she was me shot at the other life but
I was afraid if I didn’t get release soon, I’d go
after her. Then I zoned, and I was outside the
hospital, I could see meself, walking along the
corridors, it was night and the dimmers were on
and all I could see was that beautiful white neck,
I’m not even sure if I knew who it was it belonged
to anymore and a tiny part of me was saying,
“This is a good thing, going to see the poor girl,
give her a bit of company.” And then …
It gets all fuzzy here and next thing I was back in
my car, the darkness lifting, and I was thinking of a
nice place I might bring Nora for dinner.
I BEGAN TO SEE NORA REGULARLY, IT
STARTED SLOW, BUT in jig time we were
seeing each other about three times a week. I liked
her a lot and thing is, she made me feel good about
me own self and I don’t want to go on about it, but
her neck … just waiting … after Lucia, I was …
what’s the word, sated, she was my swan … didn’t
know exactly what I was doing … that’s the best
bit.
How rare is that?
The last thing I’d planned on was getting involved
but it snuck up on me. The lovemaking was real
fine and one evening, exhausted, she asked me, her
head lying on my chest, “You like me, huh?” I
smiled, said, “Well, you’re not the worst.”
Then, of course, the woman’s question, the one that
guys hate: “So Shea, where are we going with
this?” I had her neck in me sights but no hurry …
right? I said, “Let’s see how it goes.” Wrong
answer. She was up, getting dressed, said,
“Fucking guys, all the same, you call me when you
know what you want.” And was gone. I muttered
the mantra of men all over the planet: “What’d I
do?”
Course I knew, I’d behaved like an arsehole …
sorry, asshole.
I figured I’d give her a few days to cool off and
then we’d be back on track.
Whatever track that was.
I was still riding the desk, desperate to get back on
the streets. I knew Kebar was out there, doing his
gig, and I missed it, and him. Whatever else, he
was never boring. I was getting a cup of the burnt
grains that pass for coffee with cops, adding lots of
cream to kill the taste, when one of the old guys
approached me, these were the beat cops, grizzled,
bitter, but the very best if you needed backup, I’d
been thinking of Kebar’s sister a lot, something
about her really twisted me heart and I was sorry,
well, a bit that I’d done such a number but like I’ve
said, sometimes it got away from me, and I’d
begun buying comics, books, videos, getting a
whole care package together, make it look like I
was … concerned, I couldn’t believe she had
lived, and too, I wanted another look at her.
The guy asked, “Got a minute?” For these vets, you
betcha. He said, “Let’s take it over here.”
We went to an office that was crammed with files,
looked like they’d never been opened, he indicated
my coffee, said, “That will rot your guts.” I put it
down on the table, said, “You don’t use it?” He
laughed, went, “Gallons of it.”
He took out a pack of Luckies, a battered Zippo,
fired up, coughed, said, “No smoking here, I’m
hoping they’ll pension me off.”
He offered the pack and I said, “Don’t smoke.”
He gave a tiny smile, said, “Stick around, you
will.”
I waited for whatever it was on his mind and he
finally said, “You and Kebar, you were doing
pretty good out there.” I said, “Just lucky I think.”
Shook his head, said,
“Luck has fuck all to do with it, you get a
partnership, they sometimes jell and make us all
look good.” I asked, “You’re telling me I should go
back with him?” He crushed the butt on the floor,
said,
“Kid, my days of telling anyone anything are long
gone, but I figure you know about his sister?”
I said I did and how much I liked her. He took a
deep breath, then told me
liked Nora, Jesus wept, I never liked no one me
whole life and she was me shot at the other life but
I was afraid if I didn’t get release soon, I’d go
after her. Then I zoned, and I was outside the
hospital, I could see meself, walking along the
corridors, it was night and the dimmers were on
and all I could see was that beautiful white neck,
I’m not even sure if I knew who it was it belonged
to anymore and a tiny part of me was saying,
“This is a good thing, going to see the poor girl,
give her a bit of company.” And then …
It gets all fuzzy here and next thing I was back in
my car, the darkness lifting, and I was thinking of a
nice place I might bring Nora for dinner.
I BEGAN TO SEE NORA REGULARLY, IT
STARTED SLOW, BUT in jig time we were
seeing each other about three times a week. I liked
her a lot and thing is, she made me feel good about
me own self and I don’t want to go on about it, but
her neck … just waiting … after Lucia, I was …
what’s the word, sated, she was my swan … didn’t
know exactly what I was doing … that’s the best
bit.
How rare is that?
The last thing I’d planned on was getting involved
but it snuck up on me. The lovemaking was real
fine and one evening, exhausted, she asked me, her
head lying on my chest, “You like me, huh?” I
smiled, said, “Well, you’re not the worst.”
Then, of course, the woman’s question, the one that
guys hate: “So Shea, where are we going with
this?” I had her neck in me sights but no hurry …
right? I said, “Let’s see how it goes.” Wrong
answer. She was up, getting dressed, said,
“Fucking guys, all the same, you call me when you
know what you want.” And was gone. I muttered
the mantra of men all over the planet: “What’d I
do?”
Course I knew, I’d behaved like an arsehole …
sorry, asshole.
I figured I’d give her a few days to cool off and
then we’d be back on track.
Whatever track that was.
I was still riding the desk, desperate to get back on
the streets. I knew Kebar was out there, doing his
gig, and I missed it, and him. Whatever else, he
was never boring. I was getting a cup of the burnt
grains that pass for coffee with cops, adding lots of
cream to kill the taste, when one of the old guys
approached me, these were the beat cops, grizzled,
bitter, but the very best if you needed backup, I’d
been thinking of Kebar’s sister a lot, something
about her really twisted me heart and I was sorry,
well, a bit that I’d done such a number but like I’ve
said, sometimes it got away from me, and I’d
begun buying comics, books, videos, getting a
whole care package together, make it look like I
was … concerned, I couldn’t believe she had
lived, and too, I wanted another look at her.
The guy asked, “Got a minute?” For these vets, you
betcha. He said, “Let’s take it over here.”
We went to an office that was crammed with files,
looked like they’d never been opened, he indicated
my coffee, said, “That will rot your guts.” I put it
down on the table, said, “You don’t use it?” He
laughed, went, “Gallons of it.”
He took out a pack of Luckies, a battered Zippo,
fired up, coughed, said, “No smoking here, I’m
hoping they’ll pension me off.”
He offered the pack and I said, “Don’t smoke.”
He gave a tiny smile, said, “Stick around, you
will.”
I waited for whatever it was on his mind and he
finally said, “You and Kebar, you were doing
pretty good out there.” I said, “Just lucky I think.”
Shook his head, said,
“Luck has fuck all to do with it, you get a
partnership, they sometimes jell and make us all
look good.” I asked, “You’re telling me I should go
back with him?” He crushed the butt on the floor,
said,
“Kid, my days of telling anyone anything are long
gone, but I figure you know about his sister?”
I said I did and how much I liked her. He took a
deep breath, then told me
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