content to be in your own skin, that's all. And I think I'm going to throw up. Again.”
He slid off the bench and headed for the bathroom. I listened to make sure he was going to make it, then I took one more look around. I started shutting off lights and checking windows. I'd wanted to ask Charlie a question. I'd wanted to ask him—"Do you think we really know each other? Any of us?”
I left one light on, the little lamp on the piano, so my parents would have something warm to come home to.
chapter 5
S o, the very next afternoon, here's Caulder, squinting up against the sunlight at Smitty's curtained windows and telling me, “I think it's worth another try.”
It was actually funny to me at that point. “Sure,” I said. “We had such a great time last night.”
“Ginny,” Caulder said, “I'm serious. I've been thinking a lot about that stuff you said the other night, when Smitty walked out on us at his house. I was thinking—he walked out on us again at the university, didn't he? I mean, we don't know why he did it, but he did do it, and I believe there had to have been a reason. Maybe we could figure it out if we gave it another try. It might really turn out to be important.”
So on Friday night, while everybody else went to a Dave Gruisin concert in the city, Caulder and I went to Smitty's for math; on the way out, we mentioned to Mrs. Tibbs that we were going to the movies again, and said we'd love to take Smitty along.
She didn't argue at all. It struck me that Mrs. Tibbs might actually be seeing this as an advantage; when Smitty was with us, she could do whatever it was she did without feeling guilty. So, one minute, Smitty was standing in his front hall; the next, he had his coat onand was climbing into the back seat of the car. No one had asked his opinion.
We kept a close eye on him this time. Even after we were sitting down, Smitty carefully between us, we were uneasy.
The movie was East of Eden —John Steinbeck and James Dean. That—and the fact that my mother thought this was a great classic—was the sum total of what I knew about it—which was enough, I could have guessed it wasn't going to be real funny.
What an understatement.
East of Eden turned out to be a sort of Dust Bowl Cain and Abel story—set in the rural American Midwest about sixty years ago. The Abel brother was good and virtuous and hardworking, and everybody loved him. The Cain was misunderstood, and therefore resentful, envious, and violent. One perfect—the other not able to please anybody, including himself. You didn't really get to side with anybody because you had to grieve for all. Fun. A real fun experience.
About two-thirds of the way through, there was an accident, and the Abel brother was killed. That was when Smitty decided to leave. We couldn't do anything but follow him, trying to keep up—out of the building, down the hill—Caulder all the time saying, “Wait up. Will you wait up?”
But Smitty was gone. He was disappearing into the shadows at the foot of the parking lot when Caulder finally came to a stop, puffing. I had started slowly across the lot toward the car, watching them from above.
“Smitty,” Caulder yelled.
Smitty didn't stop.
“Fine,” Caulder called. “What am I going to tell your mother?” But he might as well have been calling to the moon.
“Okay,” he finally shouted. “So, you're upset. So, you're mad at us. We get the message, okay? “
Smitty Tibbs stopped. Stopped dead in his tracks.
He was suspended in the shadows. Still. Completely silent. Then, all at once, he turned and started back up the lot toward the car, as if he'd suddenly remembered where he was going. Caulder glanced back at me, but I could only shrug.
Then Caulder headed for the car himself. I was nearly there, so I stopped and waited for them. I saw Smitty clearly as he toiled on up the slope and passed through the brightness below the streetlights.
I saw him very clearly, in fact.
“Come on,”
He slid off the bench and headed for the bathroom. I listened to make sure he was going to make it, then I took one more look around. I started shutting off lights and checking windows. I'd wanted to ask Charlie a question. I'd wanted to ask him—"Do you think we really know each other? Any of us?”
I left one light on, the little lamp on the piano, so my parents would have something warm to come home to.
chapter 5
S o, the very next afternoon, here's Caulder, squinting up against the sunlight at Smitty's curtained windows and telling me, “I think it's worth another try.”
It was actually funny to me at that point. “Sure,” I said. “We had such a great time last night.”
“Ginny,” Caulder said, “I'm serious. I've been thinking a lot about that stuff you said the other night, when Smitty walked out on us at his house. I was thinking—he walked out on us again at the university, didn't he? I mean, we don't know why he did it, but he did do it, and I believe there had to have been a reason. Maybe we could figure it out if we gave it another try. It might really turn out to be important.”
So on Friday night, while everybody else went to a Dave Gruisin concert in the city, Caulder and I went to Smitty's for math; on the way out, we mentioned to Mrs. Tibbs that we were going to the movies again, and said we'd love to take Smitty along.
She didn't argue at all. It struck me that Mrs. Tibbs might actually be seeing this as an advantage; when Smitty was with us, she could do whatever it was she did without feeling guilty. So, one minute, Smitty was standing in his front hall; the next, he had his coat onand was climbing into the back seat of the car. No one had asked his opinion.
We kept a close eye on him this time. Even after we were sitting down, Smitty carefully between us, we were uneasy.
The movie was East of Eden —John Steinbeck and James Dean. That—and the fact that my mother thought this was a great classic—was the sum total of what I knew about it—which was enough, I could have guessed it wasn't going to be real funny.
What an understatement.
East of Eden turned out to be a sort of Dust Bowl Cain and Abel story—set in the rural American Midwest about sixty years ago. The Abel brother was good and virtuous and hardworking, and everybody loved him. The Cain was misunderstood, and therefore resentful, envious, and violent. One perfect—the other not able to please anybody, including himself. You didn't really get to side with anybody because you had to grieve for all. Fun. A real fun experience.
About two-thirds of the way through, there was an accident, and the Abel brother was killed. That was when Smitty decided to leave. We couldn't do anything but follow him, trying to keep up—out of the building, down the hill—Caulder all the time saying, “Wait up. Will you wait up?”
But Smitty was gone. He was disappearing into the shadows at the foot of the parking lot when Caulder finally came to a stop, puffing. I had started slowly across the lot toward the car, watching them from above.
“Smitty,” Caulder yelled.
Smitty didn't stop.
“Fine,” Caulder called. “What am I going to tell your mother?” But he might as well have been calling to the moon.
“Okay,” he finally shouted. “So, you're upset. So, you're mad at us. We get the message, okay? “
Smitty Tibbs stopped. Stopped dead in his tracks.
He was suspended in the shadows. Still. Completely silent. Then, all at once, he turned and started back up the lot toward the car, as if he'd suddenly remembered where he was going. Caulder glanced back at me, but I could only shrug.
Then Caulder headed for the car himself. I was nearly there, so I stopped and waited for them. I saw Smitty clearly as he toiled on up the slope and passed through the brightness below the streetlights.
I saw him very clearly, in fact.
“Come on,”
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