Her
voice is different, softer. “Is it the McFarland thing?”
The name causes
a new round of sobs to heave up from my gut.
“Did…did he
tell you you had to marry that fucktard ?” I can’t help it. When she says that word I
have to laugh. I’m laughing and crying at the same time. She grabs my shoulder,
eases my head up from the desk, turns me toward her, and pats my face. “ Fucktard ,” she says seriously.
“Stop.”
“ Fucktard .” Now I’m laughing as hysterically as I was crying
a minute ago. I’m so messed up. She grins and bounces back to the bed. “I knew
I could get you to snap out of it. Now, let’s talk about what’s going on.”
The laughing
winds down, but I still don’t face her. “What is there to say? And why should I
talk to you?”
She’s silent
for a moment. Then she says, “I’m not the person you think I am.”
“What’s that
supposed to mean?” I grab a tissue from the box and blow my nose.
“I mean, you
think of me as your annoying older sister, which I am, but I know a lot about
things that you don’t even understand.”
I swivel the
chair toward her. “Like what?”
“Like…” She
plucks at the blue-and-white quilt on my bed. “Like why you don’t want to get
married. To any guy.”
Shock freezes
me. She followed me. She must have. Why? How could I not have seen her? If Jana
overhead that whole conversation at the coffee house…she’d love to see me sent
off somewhere for rehab. But she couldn’t prove it, right? Maybe if I really
tried to act Parallel at the dinner tonight, maybe then if she told they
wouldn’t believe her—
“Chris?” She
stares expectantly. “Did you hear what I said?”
“Yeah.” I have
to watch how I answer. I have to choose every word with absolute care. She
might even be recording the conversation. “You don’t know anything about me,
Jana. Why don’t you just leave me alone?”
She laughs.
Laughs. I want to slap her.
“Chris,
seriously. You’re so tragic. And everything is so obvious to everyone but you.”
“What do you
mean?” Cold stabs my heart.
“I’ve known
what you are for years. You don’t have to pretend anymore.”
I turn away,
not sure how to respond. “You’re wrong.”
She jumps up,
grabs the chair and swings it toward her again. “You’re Perpendicular, Chris.
Perpendicular. You like girls.”
Then she starts
laughing.
Heavy footsteps
on the stairs. Warren jiggles the doorknob. “Why is the door locked?”
“We’re planning
a surprise!” Jana almost sounds hysterical. Christ. “Can’t tell you yet.”
He doesn’t
leave right away; I can almost feel his confusion through the door. Jana and I
have never been allies before, and in fact, we’re most often active enemy
combatants. Just what I need…more suspicion. I jump up, unlock the door, and
open it. “She’s just being a goof,” I say, waving toward my sister as if she’s
mental.
Warren studies
my face; I can’t hide from him, and he knows something is desperately wrong.
But I can’t tell him. I have to finish talking to Jana first, find out what she
knows or what she’s guessing, find out how to make sure she doesn’t tell
anyone. “You sure you’re okay?” he asks. “I am absolutely willing to call
McFarland and Lainie Goldman myself and tell them to
forget about tonight, no matter what David says.”
“ Lainie Goldman?” I say, too quickly. “Why is she coming?”
“Anything
political going on, she’s there. You know how she is. She wants a piece of
McFarland too. I bet she’s kicking herself that she doesn’t have a son to offer
up.” He grimaces. “Hey, don’t look so worried. She won’t muddy things up too
much.”
What I’m
thinking has nothing to do with McFarland. If Lainie Goldman is coming…”Is she bringing that girl with her?”
“Hmm?” Warren
frowns at me. “What girl?”
“Nobody. Somebody
from the Perp League. Some girl from California.”
He shakes his
head. “I
voice is different, softer. “Is it the McFarland thing?”
The name causes
a new round of sobs to heave up from my gut.
“Did…did he
tell you you had to marry that fucktard ?” I can’t help it. When she says that word I
have to laugh. I’m laughing and crying at the same time. She grabs my shoulder,
eases my head up from the desk, turns me toward her, and pats my face. “ Fucktard ,” she says seriously.
“Stop.”
“ Fucktard .” Now I’m laughing as hysterically as I was crying
a minute ago. I’m so messed up. She grins and bounces back to the bed. “I knew
I could get you to snap out of it. Now, let’s talk about what’s going on.”
The laughing
winds down, but I still don’t face her. “What is there to say? And why should I
talk to you?”
She’s silent
for a moment. Then she says, “I’m not the person you think I am.”
“What’s that
supposed to mean?” I grab a tissue from the box and blow my nose.
“I mean, you
think of me as your annoying older sister, which I am, but I know a lot about
things that you don’t even understand.”
I swivel the
chair toward her. “Like what?”
“Like…” She
plucks at the blue-and-white quilt on my bed. “Like why you don’t want to get
married. To any guy.”
Shock freezes
me. She followed me. She must have. Why? How could I not have seen her? If Jana
overhead that whole conversation at the coffee house…she’d love to see me sent
off somewhere for rehab. But she couldn’t prove it, right? Maybe if I really
tried to act Parallel at the dinner tonight, maybe then if she told they
wouldn’t believe her—
“Chris?” She
stares expectantly. “Did you hear what I said?”
“Yeah.” I have
to watch how I answer. I have to choose every word with absolute care. She
might even be recording the conversation. “You don’t know anything about me,
Jana. Why don’t you just leave me alone?”
She laughs.
Laughs. I want to slap her.
“Chris,
seriously. You’re so tragic. And everything is so obvious to everyone but you.”
“What do you
mean?” Cold stabs my heart.
“I’ve known
what you are for years. You don’t have to pretend anymore.”
I turn away,
not sure how to respond. “You’re wrong.”
She jumps up,
grabs the chair and swings it toward her again. “You’re Perpendicular, Chris.
Perpendicular. You like girls.”
Then she starts
laughing.
Heavy footsteps
on the stairs. Warren jiggles the doorknob. “Why is the door locked?”
“We’re planning
a surprise!” Jana almost sounds hysterical. Christ. “Can’t tell you yet.”
He doesn’t
leave right away; I can almost feel his confusion through the door. Jana and I
have never been allies before, and in fact, we’re most often active enemy
combatants. Just what I need…more suspicion. I jump up, unlock the door, and
open it. “She’s just being a goof,” I say, waving toward my sister as if she’s
mental.
Warren studies
my face; I can’t hide from him, and he knows something is desperately wrong.
But I can’t tell him. I have to finish talking to Jana first, find out what she
knows or what she’s guessing, find out how to make sure she doesn’t tell
anyone. “You sure you’re okay?” he asks. “I am absolutely willing to call
McFarland and Lainie Goldman myself and tell them to
forget about tonight, no matter what David says.”
“ Lainie Goldman?” I say, too quickly. “Why is she coming?”
“Anything
political going on, she’s there. You know how she is. She wants a piece of
McFarland too. I bet she’s kicking herself that she doesn’t have a son to offer
up.” He grimaces. “Hey, don’t look so worried. She won’t muddy things up too
much.”
What I’m
thinking has nothing to do with McFarland. If Lainie Goldman is coming…”Is she bringing that girl with her?”
“Hmm?” Warren
frowns at me. “What girl?”
“Nobody. Somebody
from the Perp League. Some girl from California.”
He shakes his
head. “I
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