happened. Every word incited me – their meaning lost in my fury. I wanted to burn the note, shred it, eradicate any trace of it.
For weeks after, storm clouds followed me. Brian's absence occupied my every waking moment. I was lost and helpless and empty without him. Sheer exhaustion finally overtook me.
#
Now, after all these years, I was hesitant to read it again. What purpose would be served in resurrecting painful memories? I was in a happy relationship with a nice guy. Things were going well. The pain and anguish had faded to little more than a slight twinge. But my curiosity to catch a glimpse of Brian in the words – to perhaps find the unanswered questions – was greater than my caution. I pulled out the note:
Dear Ed,
Please know that I write this with the sincere hope you understand. I pray the words find their way to your heart. I cannot continue pretending that my feelings for you don't run deep. In the time we spent together we have come to know each other intimately. You have come to see me as your friend and mentor – a role I was honored to take part in, but one, which given my feelings for you, I can no longer fulfill. I have fallen in love with you and while I sense you love me, it is of a different nature. I have no doubt you will one day understand how much it pains me that you do not feel the same for me and why I must move on.
One of my favorite quotes from the Bible is Ecclesiastes 3.1. “To every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” Some friends are for a lifetime and some are for but a season. Such is this with you and I. You are on your own path now. Someday you will fall in love and I hope you will recall me with kindness. Please know and understand that I will always do so with you. May God guide you. I know you are on the right path.
With love,
Brian
The letter seemed softer than I remembered. It was kind but unwavering in its truth. There was no malice or hatred in the words – no doubt or deception. It was undeniable. How I wished I could have loved him the same way he'd loved me. But ever the mentor, he knew it was not yet my time. What I saw as cowardice was actually an act of unselfishness.
It was more than coincidence that I met Brian in the first place. Fate, divine intervention, karma – call it what you will. He was exactly who I needed exactly when I needed him. His gift was precious and powerful. Our time together was measured in months, but it forever defined me.
I lingered a moment longer. I could see Brian's smile. I was grateful for having known him. I folded the note and put it back in the envelope. As tattered and worn as it was, it held something remarkable within – his final gift to me – love.
In that quiet of the moment, it came to me. As difficult and complicated as life can seem, it's only a matter of time and patience to gain a new perspective. I picked up the watch and slid the pin effortlessly into place. Sometimes, even the most difficult things can be simple.
51
BLENDED
I fumbled through all the pockets in my coat but couldn't find the keys. I turned the knob again hoping this time the door would open. On the other side, Walter scratched and whined. It would be hours before Joe, my partner, got home and the dog would have to go out well before then. I looked at the ugly gnome in the corner of the porch. How many times had I told myself to hide a key in that damn thing?
I took off my scarf and wrapped it around my hand. The only way in was to break a small side window,
For weeks after, storm clouds followed me. Brian's absence occupied my every waking moment. I was lost and helpless and empty without him. Sheer exhaustion finally overtook me.
#
Now, after all these years, I was hesitant to read it again. What purpose would be served in resurrecting painful memories? I was in a happy relationship with a nice guy. Things were going well. The pain and anguish had faded to little more than a slight twinge. But my curiosity to catch a glimpse of Brian in the words – to perhaps find the unanswered questions – was greater than my caution. I pulled out the note:
Dear Ed,
Please know that I write this with the sincere hope you understand. I pray the words find their way to your heart. I cannot continue pretending that my feelings for you don't run deep. In the time we spent together we have come to know each other intimately. You have come to see me as your friend and mentor – a role I was honored to take part in, but one, which given my feelings for you, I can no longer fulfill. I have fallen in love with you and while I sense you love me, it is of a different nature. I have no doubt you will one day understand how much it pains me that you do not feel the same for me and why I must move on.
One of my favorite quotes from the Bible is Ecclesiastes 3.1. “To every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” Some friends are for a lifetime and some are for but a season. Such is this with you and I. You are on your own path now. Someday you will fall in love and I hope you will recall me with kindness. Please know and understand that I will always do so with you. May God guide you. I know you are on the right path.
With love,
Brian
The letter seemed softer than I remembered. It was kind but unwavering in its truth. There was no malice or hatred in the words – no doubt or deception. It was undeniable. How I wished I could have loved him the same way he'd loved me. But ever the mentor, he knew it was not yet my time. What I saw as cowardice was actually an act of unselfishness.
It was more than coincidence that I met Brian in the first place. Fate, divine intervention, karma – call it what you will. He was exactly who I needed exactly when I needed him. His gift was precious and powerful. Our time together was measured in months, but it forever defined me.
I lingered a moment longer. I could see Brian's smile. I was grateful for having known him. I folded the note and put it back in the envelope. As tattered and worn as it was, it held something remarkable within – his final gift to me – love.
In that quiet of the moment, it came to me. As difficult and complicated as life can seem, it's only a matter of time and patience to gain a new perspective. I picked up the watch and slid the pin effortlessly into place. Sometimes, even the most difficult things can be simple.
51
BLENDED
I fumbled through all the pockets in my coat but couldn't find the keys. I turned the knob again hoping this time the door would open. On the other side, Walter scratched and whined. It would be hours before Joe, my partner, got home and the dog would have to go out well before then. I looked at the ugly gnome in the corner of the porch. How many times had I told myself to hide a key in that damn thing?
I took off my scarf and wrapped it around my hand. The only way in was to break a small side window,
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