Anna sighed, “just because you were homecoming queen in nineteen eighty-whatever, doesn’t mean I want to be like that.”
“What’s wrong with being homecoming queen? It was fun. And you might not care now, but when you’re seventeen I bet you will.”
“I doubt it. I don’t care about being popular. Popular girls are—” She stopped.
“What? They’re what?” Anna shrugged and went back to her drawing. Laurie sensed that she’d been on the edge of saying something
important. “Anna?”
“They’re not who I want to be.”
How could any normal girl not want to be popular and well-liked and join all kinds of clubs and activities? High school had
been the most fun years of Laurie’s life. She couldn’t imagine a young girl having that kind of opportunity and turning it
down. But then, as Anna had pointed out, she was not Laurie, and never had been.
“What do you want to be? How can I help?”
“That’s just the thing, Mom. You can’t help. If you do, you’ll just take over and make me do stuff I don’t want to do.”
Laurie blinked at the sudden needle of pain that pricked her heart. “When did I ever do that?”
“You always do it. You pushed me to be in the choir at church even though I can’t really sing. You talked me into being a
counselor last year at Camp Victory when all I wanted to do was go swimming and canoeing and stuff.”
“Being a counselor is a great way to learn leadership, Anna. You aren’t going to do that falling out of a canoe.”
“Mom, you just don’t get it. What if I don’t want to be a leader? What if I just want to be a kid and fall out of a stupid
canoe if I feel like it? At least it would be my own decision.”
How could a fourteen-year-old make the kinds of decisions that would set her on the right track for the future? Anna didn’t
have the tools yet. That’s what parents were for, wasn’t it? To guide their children in the way they should go, as the Bible
said.
Frankly, it hurt that Anna could lie here and coldheartedly reject the things that Laurie had been trying to teach her. Leadership
and the ability to get along with others were fine qualities. Necessary qualities. As she’d proven herself.
“Mom? Do you hear what I’m saying?”
“I hear you,” she said around the hurt. “We should talk about this some more.”
“That always means you still want me to agree with you.”
“For heaven’s sake, Anna, what’s wrong with agreeing with me?” she exploded, then lowered her voice. “You’re saying that learning
to be a leader and having everyone like you are bad things.”
“I’m not saying that, Mom,” Anna said with exaggerated patience. “I’m saying that you need to let me decide what I want to
do and how I want to handle things. I’m fourteen.”
And that was it, wasn’t it? Fourteen. No longer a child, and adulthood a long way off.
“You can trust me,” Anna persisted.
“Of course I can,” Laurie said automatically. And she did. But sometimes you needed more than trust to hang on to.
She kissed Anna good night and heard the scratch and swoop of the pen begin again as she closed the door behind her.
Then she went into her bedroom and dropped to her knees next to the bed.
Help me with Anna, Lord. We talked, but I still don’t know what’s bothering her. It can’t be just math. Please give Anna an
open heart and give me the ability to listen. Is she right, Lord? Do I talk and push too much? You’ve helped me to be a good
mother, Lord, and you’ve given me good kids. Help me now that Anna’s getting more independent. Give me wisdom.
And trust, Lord. Give me trust.
To group: Budz
From: JohnnysGrrl
Here comes 5-0. Be EZ. Stay cool.
SUSQUANNY COUNTY SHERIFF’S OFFICE
CASE NUMBER: 07-201
REPORTING OFFICER: N. Tremore, badge #78512
DATE: November 12, 2007
TIME: 21:46
SUMMARY: Investigating officers Tremore and Schwartz followed up on information given by Harim Saur, employee at
“What’s wrong with being homecoming queen? It was fun. And you might not care now, but when you’re seventeen I bet you will.”
“I doubt it. I don’t care about being popular. Popular girls are—” She stopped.
“What? They’re what?” Anna shrugged and went back to her drawing. Laurie sensed that she’d been on the edge of saying something
important. “Anna?”
“They’re not who I want to be.”
How could any normal girl not want to be popular and well-liked and join all kinds of clubs and activities? High school had
been the most fun years of Laurie’s life. She couldn’t imagine a young girl having that kind of opportunity and turning it
down. But then, as Anna had pointed out, she was not Laurie, and never had been.
“What do you want to be? How can I help?”
“That’s just the thing, Mom. You can’t help. If you do, you’ll just take over and make me do stuff I don’t want to do.”
Laurie blinked at the sudden needle of pain that pricked her heart. “When did I ever do that?”
“You always do it. You pushed me to be in the choir at church even though I can’t really sing. You talked me into being a
counselor last year at Camp Victory when all I wanted to do was go swimming and canoeing and stuff.”
“Being a counselor is a great way to learn leadership, Anna. You aren’t going to do that falling out of a canoe.”
“Mom, you just don’t get it. What if I don’t want to be a leader? What if I just want to be a kid and fall out of a stupid
canoe if I feel like it? At least it would be my own decision.”
How could a fourteen-year-old make the kinds of decisions that would set her on the right track for the future? Anna didn’t
have the tools yet. That’s what parents were for, wasn’t it? To guide their children in the way they should go, as the Bible
said.
Frankly, it hurt that Anna could lie here and coldheartedly reject the things that Laurie had been trying to teach her. Leadership
and the ability to get along with others were fine qualities. Necessary qualities. As she’d proven herself.
“Mom? Do you hear what I’m saying?”
“I hear you,” she said around the hurt. “We should talk about this some more.”
“That always means you still want me to agree with you.”
“For heaven’s sake, Anna, what’s wrong with agreeing with me?” she exploded, then lowered her voice. “You’re saying that learning
to be a leader and having everyone like you are bad things.”
“I’m not saying that, Mom,” Anna said with exaggerated patience. “I’m saying that you need to let me decide what I want to
do and how I want to handle things. I’m fourteen.”
And that was it, wasn’t it? Fourteen. No longer a child, and adulthood a long way off.
“You can trust me,” Anna persisted.
“Of course I can,” Laurie said automatically. And she did. But sometimes you needed more than trust to hang on to.
She kissed Anna good night and heard the scratch and swoop of the pen begin again as she closed the door behind her.
Then she went into her bedroom and dropped to her knees next to the bed.
Help me with Anna, Lord. We talked, but I still don’t know what’s bothering her. It can’t be just math. Please give Anna an
open heart and give me the ability to listen. Is she right, Lord? Do I talk and push too much? You’ve helped me to be a good
mother, Lord, and you’ve given me good kids. Help me now that Anna’s getting more independent. Give me wisdom.
And trust, Lord. Give me trust.
To group: Budz
From: JohnnysGrrl
Here comes 5-0. Be EZ. Stay cool.
SUSQUANNY COUNTY SHERIFF’S OFFICE
CASE NUMBER: 07-201
REPORTING OFFICER: N. Tremore, badge #78512
DATE: November 12, 2007
TIME: 21:46
SUMMARY: Investigating officers Tremore and Schwartz followed up on information given by Harim Saur, employee at
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