never seen tattoos planned out like that, it’s not just a front piece or a sleeve, it’s a whole upper-body piece. The birds—oh my God, even if my name wasn’t Rook, I would fall in love with them. And the final painting at Sturgis was like the greatest gift I could ever ask for. I told him that this was the best summer of my life, and I wasn’t kidding. I learned a lot about myself this summer.” I stop and smile because he’s smiling now.
“What else made you happy, Rook?”
“Modeling with Ronin in costume,” I say, blushing. “He was that sexy Elvis and wow. And actually, Billy was a pretty hot cowboy, too.” I shrug. “I loved it. I probably shouldn’t have loved it, I should probably be embarrassed about what I did for money, about having Spencer paint up my body like that, not to mention the photographs and the rally show. But I’m not embarrassed about it. I’ll never forget this summer. I’ll never regret being Spencer’s canvas, and I’ll never regret becoming a model for Antoine Chaput.”
Ford stands up and turns the cameras off again and then sits back down.
“That’s it?”
“That’s it for the questions I want on film. But I have a few more for you, Rook.”
I gulp some air. “Ford, let’s not, OK? Let’s just leave it here.”
“No,” he says firmly. “I have a few questions for you and since the Biker Channel wants me to have two roles in the full season I want to get this out in the open.”
“What two roles?”
“Well, I’m still producer, but they want me interacting with you guys like I did in the pilot. So I’m a character now as well.”
“Oh.” I’m pretty sure this is bad for me. And I’m also pretty sure Ronin does not know this yet.
“So my first question is, why did you run with me all summer? Was it because you loved the exercise or because you did it with me? And no lies, Rook, I’m not interested in lies.”
“Ford, please. Please don’t ruin this for me. I love Ronin, I like you too, and I’m not sure what those feelings are, but I love Ronin. Don’t mess it up.”
“Why would I go out of my way to make you happy only to do something later to cause you pain?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. You’re playing with me, you’re messing with my head, you’re—”
“I’m not, Rook. I’m not playing with you at all. Every intention is sincere, I promise.”
“But I’m seeing Ronin, I can’t—”
“I can’t either. Do you know why I brought that woman here tonight?”
I swear my heart stops for a moment. “Why?”
“Because I wanted you to see me and maybe accept me for who I really am. I’m not a good guy, Rook. I’m not even close to a good guy. I want you to succeed, I want you to be happy, and that happiness will never come from me. I just want you to know that what I am doing, these little things—like reading to you, the exercise, bringing you breakfast, talking—it’s the only way I know how to care.”
A lump starts forming in my throat, my face goes hot, and I can feel tears. Actual tears starting to form. I have to breathe deeply for several seconds to shut down my body’s visceral reaction to his words.
“And,” he continues, “I want you to know that I care about you . I care enough about you to leave this conversation here in this apartment when you walk out that door and go back to Ronin. I want you to make your dreams come true and I’ll do whatever it takes to help you. That is the only way I know to express… love. But I will never kiss you.”
I look up and meet his gaze.
“I will never do anything physical to ruin what you have with Ronin. I would just like you to talk to me. Be honest when I ask for it, trust me, and be my friend. Is that too much?”
A little laugh comes out at Ford’s question. “Of course not. I’d love to be your friend, Ford.”
He pulls his hands back and smiles. “Good. Then we’re done here. Just send Ronin in, I won’t keep him long.”
“I thought
“What else made you happy, Rook?”
“Modeling with Ronin in costume,” I say, blushing. “He was that sexy Elvis and wow. And actually, Billy was a pretty hot cowboy, too.” I shrug. “I loved it. I probably shouldn’t have loved it, I should probably be embarrassed about what I did for money, about having Spencer paint up my body like that, not to mention the photographs and the rally show. But I’m not embarrassed about it. I’ll never forget this summer. I’ll never regret being Spencer’s canvas, and I’ll never regret becoming a model for Antoine Chaput.”
Ford stands up and turns the cameras off again and then sits back down.
“That’s it?”
“That’s it for the questions I want on film. But I have a few more for you, Rook.”
I gulp some air. “Ford, let’s not, OK? Let’s just leave it here.”
“No,” he says firmly. “I have a few questions for you and since the Biker Channel wants me to have two roles in the full season I want to get this out in the open.”
“What two roles?”
“Well, I’m still producer, but they want me interacting with you guys like I did in the pilot. So I’m a character now as well.”
“Oh.” I’m pretty sure this is bad for me. And I’m also pretty sure Ronin does not know this yet.
“So my first question is, why did you run with me all summer? Was it because you loved the exercise or because you did it with me? And no lies, Rook, I’m not interested in lies.”
“Ford, please. Please don’t ruin this for me. I love Ronin, I like you too, and I’m not sure what those feelings are, but I love Ronin. Don’t mess it up.”
“Why would I go out of my way to make you happy only to do something later to cause you pain?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. You’re playing with me, you’re messing with my head, you’re—”
“I’m not, Rook. I’m not playing with you at all. Every intention is sincere, I promise.”
“But I’m seeing Ronin, I can’t—”
“I can’t either. Do you know why I brought that woman here tonight?”
I swear my heart stops for a moment. “Why?”
“Because I wanted you to see me and maybe accept me for who I really am. I’m not a good guy, Rook. I’m not even close to a good guy. I want you to succeed, I want you to be happy, and that happiness will never come from me. I just want you to know that what I am doing, these little things—like reading to you, the exercise, bringing you breakfast, talking—it’s the only way I know how to care.”
A lump starts forming in my throat, my face goes hot, and I can feel tears. Actual tears starting to form. I have to breathe deeply for several seconds to shut down my body’s visceral reaction to his words.
“And,” he continues, “I want you to know that I care about you . I care enough about you to leave this conversation here in this apartment when you walk out that door and go back to Ronin. I want you to make your dreams come true and I’ll do whatever it takes to help you. That is the only way I know to express… love. But I will never kiss you.”
I look up and meet his gaze.
“I will never do anything physical to ruin what you have with Ronin. I would just like you to talk to me. Be honest when I ask for it, trust me, and be my friend. Is that too much?”
A little laugh comes out at Ford’s question. “Of course not. I’d love to be your friend, Ford.”
He pulls his hands back and smiles. “Good. Then we’re done here. Just send Ronin in, I won’t keep him long.”
“I thought
Similar Books
