“I’ve been trying to find her to…make it better. I miss her so much. I’d do anything to get her back. When I decided to stop looking for her a few weeks ago it was the hardest decision I ever made. And now I saw her − I know I saw her − and she’s here and I almost had her back and…” I trailed off. I must have sounded like a lunatic.
“I get it, Aria. You might not think I do, but I get it. I know what it’s like to miss someone who was a big part of your life. I know what it feels like…the guilt you hold inside when you know that part of what caused them to go away was because of something you did and you swear and you pray that if you just got one more chance, just one more chance with them, then you wouldn’t screw it up a second time. You’d make it right.”
Stunned at his insight, I just nodded against his chest, pressing my nose into his cotton grey shirt and inhaling his scent into my nose. He held me tighter, his hand running through my hair, his lips on my forehead, sending waves of calm through my body. But there was something that bothered me about what he had said.
I pulled back to look at him. “When you said all that, you sounded like you were talking from experience.”
His jaw flinched and a pained look came over his face. “Aria, I don’t ever want to lie to you about anything. But I’m not ready to talk about… her yet.”
Her. The way he said it sounded so pained. A deep abscess barely covered by a new knit of skin. Who she was? What had she meant to him? What did she still mean?
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I barely noticed when Clay began to sway, softly at first. He was humming under his breath. His feet began to shuffle and his humming grew louder until I recognised the melody of Jeff Buckley’s ‘Hallelujah’ in the bassy rumble of his voice.
“Clay, what are you doing?”
“Ah.” He looked down at me, a soft smile on his face. “What do you think I’m doing?”
“You’re dancing.”
“Am I?” He made a show of darting his face around in various angles as if to inspect our situation, all the while still humming and shifting both our weights from side to side. “Hmmm, I believe I am. And you appear to be dancing with me.”
We were dancing. In the middle of this sidewalk. His humming turned to singing. His hands brushed down the sides of my arms making me shiver and he caught my hands, turning me out as I stifled a giggle again, then spinning me back in. A man walking his dog walked around us and I caught a curious look on his face. I pressed my face into Clay’s cotton shirt. “Clay, we’re in public.”
He hummed into my hair. “That didn’t seem to bother you yesterday.”
The reminder of our fiery kiss in his car made my body heat again. I shivered. He chuckled before placing a kiss on my forehead. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”
With his arm still around me he began to walk us down the sidewalk. I clung onto him, my arm wrapping around his wide back and settling into his side to where I could feel the firmness of his V muscle. I sighed and leaned further into him, a cascade of thrills running through my arm when he squeezed my shoulder and smiled down at me. We fit so perfectly. A lightness seemed wrapped around me, and my heart floated on a warm bed. Was I…could I possibly be…happy?
I was. Happy. The world could break apart in this moment and I wouldn’t care. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt this way. But I knew I hadn’t felt this way since Salem left.
“Wanna play a game?” he asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I eyed him warily. “The last two times I played games that you suggested with you I was forced to go on a date with you and also give up my first kiss.”
He grinned. “Scared at what else I may take from you?”
I tried to ignore that lascivious look in his eye and the tremor his words caused down my spine. “I’m just saying, maybe I should have a go at suggesting games.”
He
“I get it, Aria. You might not think I do, but I get it. I know what it’s like to miss someone who was a big part of your life. I know what it feels like…the guilt you hold inside when you know that part of what caused them to go away was because of something you did and you swear and you pray that if you just got one more chance, just one more chance with them, then you wouldn’t screw it up a second time. You’d make it right.”
Stunned at his insight, I just nodded against his chest, pressing my nose into his cotton grey shirt and inhaling his scent into my nose. He held me tighter, his hand running through my hair, his lips on my forehead, sending waves of calm through my body. But there was something that bothered me about what he had said.
I pulled back to look at him. “When you said all that, you sounded like you were talking from experience.”
His jaw flinched and a pained look came over his face. “Aria, I don’t ever want to lie to you about anything. But I’m not ready to talk about… her yet.”
Her. The way he said it sounded so pained. A deep abscess barely covered by a new knit of skin. Who she was? What had she meant to him? What did she still mean?
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I barely noticed when Clay began to sway, softly at first. He was humming under his breath. His feet began to shuffle and his humming grew louder until I recognised the melody of Jeff Buckley’s ‘Hallelujah’ in the bassy rumble of his voice.
“Clay, what are you doing?”
“Ah.” He looked down at me, a soft smile on his face. “What do you think I’m doing?”
“You’re dancing.”
“Am I?” He made a show of darting his face around in various angles as if to inspect our situation, all the while still humming and shifting both our weights from side to side. “Hmmm, I believe I am. And you appear to be dancing with me.”
We were dancing. In the middle of this sidewalk. His humming turned to singing. His hands brushed down the sides of my arms making me shiver and he caught my hands, turning me out as I stifled a giggle again, then spinning me back in. A man walking his dog walked around us and I caught a curious look on his face. I pressed my face into Clay’s cotton shirt. “Clay, we’re in public.”
He hummed into my hair. “That didn’t seem to bother you yesterday.”
The reminder of our fiery kiss in his car made my body heat again. I shivered. He chuckled before placing a kiss on my forehead. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”
With his arm still around me he began to walk us down the sidewalk. I clung onto him, my arm wrapping around his wide back and settling into his side to where I could feel the firmness of his V muscle. I sighed and leaned further into him, a cascade of thrills running through my arm when he squeezed my shoulder and smiled down at me. We fit so perfectly. A lightness seemed wrapped around me, and my heart floated on a warm bed. Was I…could I possibly be…happy?
I was. Happy. The world could break apart in this moment and I wouldn’t care. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt this way. But I knew I hadn’t felt this way since Salem left.
“Wanna play a game?” he asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I eyed him warily. “The last two times I played games that you suggested with you I was forced to go on a date with you and also give up my first kiss.”
He grinned. “Scared at what else I may take from you?”
I tried to ignore that lascivious look in his eye and the tremor his words caused down my spine. “I’m just saying, maybe I should have a go at suggesting games.”
He
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