they’ve got no new mates…or maybe it’s just me…So, were you hoping to find anyone particular?’
‘No, not really, just browsing.’
‘Liar.’
‘Not at all.’
‘Of course you were. Was she there?’
‘No, she wasn’t, sod it. But next time I’m going to leave my profile just in case.’
‘Well, don’t get your hopes up,’ Natasha said. ‘Even if she looks at the site it doesn’t mean she’ll contact you.
‘Of course she will. I’m an old boyfriend.’
‘If she does it could be even worse.’
‘Why’s that?’
‘Because it’ll mean she’s as desperate as you and that’s not the sort of woman you need.’
‘What do you mean, desperate? Who says anyone’s desperate?’
‘Look, there’re two types of people who go on that site. People who are bored and a bit curious about what happened to old classmates they can hardly remember ‘Yes.’
‘And people like you who haven’t got a girlfriend and have got the hots in your mind for some chick who was a teenager twenty years ago. Actually, I think everyone’s a mix of the two, really, it just depends on the degree. Even I was sort of hoping one particular boy might get in touch. I used to really tease and annoy him, but that was actually because I fancied him big-time. He was a bit weird and took a lot of crap but it turned out he could play the guitar and then he started going out with an older girl from the local tech and we all realized he’d just been too cool for school and didn’t give a shit whether we had a go at him or not. I often think I’d like to meet him just to tell him that I’m not actually an idiot.’
‘But he’s not on the site?’
‘Not when I looked. He was just about the only one who wasn’t as well. Like I said, too cool for school.’
‘He’s probably dead from a heroin overdose.’
‘So, come on, admit it, this is sexual.’
‘It’s not sexual.’
‘I thought you told me everything was sexual.’
‘All right, then, it’s a bit sexual.’
‘There you go, and if she gets in contact with you, from her point of view that would be sexual too.’
‘I’d like to think so.’
‘Rekindling the fire and all that.’
‘It might be nice.’
‘Two lonely, needy people flailing about in cyberspace.’
‘I’m not needy and I certainly don’t flail about.’
‘Ten to one she’s in an unhappy marriage, she shags you and the next thing you know you’ve got an enormous, insanely jealous husband hammering on your door, and don’t forget, you’re only little. You don’t need it. If you want sex on the internet look up some porn.
‘It’s all very well for you to be all smug, Natasha. You’ve got a boyfriend.’
‘No, I haven’t. Lance is history. He’s an arsehole.’
‘You’ve dumped him again? ’
‘He dumped me. Literally. Last night.’
‘But last night he was reaching out to you to cook his dinner.’
‘Yeah, well, I couldn’t get any steak, so we ate at the pub and they were having a karaoke night and I was brilliant and he was shit. You should never try and do Elvis unless you can really do it. It’s just embarrassing.’
‘You split up because he did a shit Elvis impression?’
‘Basically. I wanted to stay and of course he wanted to go because everybody had booed his ‘All Shook Up’, so we had a huge row outside the pub which was basically about him resenting my success and the fact that I’ve got my life together and he hasn’t and then when we were going home on his bike he just suddenly stopped in the middle of bloody Hackney and told me to get off.’
‘He just dumped you?’
‘Yeah, he said everything wasn’t all about me and that the world didn’t revolve around me and that he was sick of it and then he just drove off.’
‘In that case, forget Friends Reunited. Will you marry me?’
They both laughed and Newson wondered if he would ever in his life be capable of speaking to a girl about anything pertaining to his desire for her
‘No, not really, just browsing.’
‘Liar.’
‘Not at all.’
‘Of course you were. Was she there?’
‘No, she wasn’t, sod it. But next time I’m going to leave my profile just in case.’
‘Well, don’t get your hopes up,’ Natasha said. ‘Even if she looks at the site it doesn’t mean she’ll contact you.
‘Of course she will. I’m an old boyfriend.’
‘If she does it could be even worse.’
‘Why’s that?’
‘Because it’ll mean she’s as desperate as you and that’s not the sort of woman you need.’
‘What do you mean, desperate? Who says anyone’s desperate?’
‘Look, there’re two types of people who go on that site. People who are bored and a bit curious about what happened to old classmates they can hardly remember ‘Yes.’
‘And people like you who haven’t got a girlfriend and have got the hots in your mind for some chick who was a teenager twenty years ago. Actually, I think everyone’s a mix of the two, really, it just depends on the degree. Even I was sort of hoping one particular boy might get in touch. I used to really tease and annoy him, but that was actually because I fancied him big-time. He was a bit weird and took a lot of crap but it turned out he could play the guitar and then he started going out with an older girl from the local tech and we all realized he’d just been too cool for school and didn’t give a shit whether we had a go at him or not. I often think I’d like to meet him just to tell him that I’m not actually an idiot.’
‘But he’s not on the site?’
‘Not when I looked. He was just about the only one who wasn’t as well. Like I said, too cool for school.’
‘He’s probably dead from a heroin overdose.’
‘So, come on, admit it, this is sexual.’
‘It’s not sexual.’
‘I thought you told me everything was sexual.’
‘All right, then, it’s a bit sexual.’
‘There you go, and if she gets in contact with you, from her point of view that would be sexual too.’
‘I’d like to think so.’
‘Rekindling the fire and all that.’
‘It might be nice.’
‘Two lonely, needy people flailing about in cyberspace.’
‘I’m not needy and I certainly don’t flail about.’
‘Ten to one she’s in an unhappy marriage, she shags you and the next thing you know you’ve got an enormous, insanely jealous husband hammering on your door, and don’t forget, you’re only little. You don’t need it. If you want sex on the internet look up some porn.
‘It’s all very well for you to be all smug, Natasha. You’ve got a boyfriend.’
‘No, I haven’t. Lance is history. He’s an arsehole.’
‘You’ve dumped him again? ’
‘He dumped me. Literally. Last night.’
‘But last night he was reaching out to you to cook his dinner.’
‘Yeah, well, I couldn’t get any steak, so we ate at the pub and they were having a karaoke night and I was brilliant and he was shit. You should never try and do Elvis unless you can really do it. It’s just embarrassing.’
‘You split up because he did a shit Elvis impression?’
‘Basically. I wanted to stay and of course he wanted to go because everybody had booed his ‘All Shook Up’, so we had a huge row outside the pub which was basically about him resenting my success and the fact that I’ve got my life together and he hasn’t and then when we were going home on his bike he just suddenly stopped in the middle of bloody Hackney and told me to get off.’
‘He just dumped you?’
‘Yeah, he said everything wasn’t all about me and that the world didn’t revolve around me and that he was sick of it and then he just drove off.’
‘In that case, forget Friends Reunited. Will you marry me?’
They both laughed and Newson wondered if he would ever in his life be capable of speaking to a girl about anything pertaining to his desire for her
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