Perfect Princess by Meg Cabot Page A

instead of Grandmère, the Deer God were my mentor in all things royal.
    But that probably wouldn’t work out, because Fat Louie is really more of an indoor cat, and I don’t know how long he’d last outside, due to his weight problem and addiction to Tender Vittles, which I don’t think you can get in the woods.

    Mia’s Random Act of Princess:
    Be like Mononoke: Keep your local parks and nature preserves pollution- and litter-free. Your animal friends will thank you. Probably not by rushing to your rescue if you find yourself imperiled in the woods or anything, but you never know.
    PRINCESS AURORA,
AKA SLEEPING BEAUTY
    Princess Aurora got into trouble for something that wasn’t even her fault: Her parents “forgot” to invite the wicked angel to her christening (kind of like my mom “forgot” to invite her parents to her wedding to Mr. Gianini—thankfully Grandmère remembered for her). The evil fairy was pretty peeved about the whole thing, and so laid a curse on poor Princess Aurora, saying that on her sixteenth birthday she would prick her finger on a spinning wheel and die (fairy curses were way harsh back then).
    Well, this other fairy tried to soften the blow by amending the curse so that instead of dying, Princess Aurora would just sleep for a hundred years, but as you can imagine, her parents were not comforted. They banished all the spinning wheels from the kingdom—which begs the question, what did they wear for the next sixteen years? Because without spinning wheels, nobody was making any clothes. It wasn’t like they could just mosey on over to the Gap.
    Well, anyway, Princess Aurora managed to find a spindle in spite of the ban, and of course she touched it and slipped into a coma, and if you go by the Disney version, so did everybody else in the castle, and if you go by the original version, everybody else just died. Aurora slept for a hundred years, until this prince came along and laid a big wet one on her kisser. Which of course can only make you question the prince’s motivation: I mean, do YOU kiss every sleeping person YOU happen upon? But maybe he was lured into it by her tempting cherry lips or something.
    Anyway, Aurora woke up, and so did the rest of the castle, and she and the prince turned out to have a lot in common, or something, because they got married and lived happily ever after.
    The moral of the story is, not surprisingly, DON’T TOUCH SPINDLES!
    Mia’s Random Act of Princess:
    Be like Aurora: Embrace, don’t alienate, your relations. You never know when they might put a curse on your offspring! Instead, just PRETEND to like them. You won’t be sorry, even if they don’t turn out to be evil fairies.

VII.
    A Note from
Her Royal Highness Princess Mia
    Let’s face it: there are a lot of princesses out there. It can get confusing sometimes, trying to figure out who is really a princess versus who just acts like one. Hopefully, this little chart will help clear things up.
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Gwyneth Paltrow
Looks like a princess, dresses like a princess, has possibly played princesses in movies, and has even dated a prince, but Gwyneth is not, as of this writing, technically a princess.
Britney Spears
Frequently referred to as a pop princess, Britney did briefly exchange e-mails with Prince William, but that does not make her a princess.
Christina Aguilera
Ditto, minus the Prince William part.
Barbie
A lot of people think Barbie is a princess, but the truth is, Barbie only DRESSES like a princess. She is not actually the ruler of Mattel any more than she is actually a flight attendant, Olympic figure skater, veterinarian, nurse, schoolteacher, lawyer, doctor, space-shuttle pilot, dog groomer, or cheerleader. Although she does have some of the best princess clothes I have ever seen.

 
 
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Dubbed Princess Alice by the press, the daughter of President Theodore Roosevelt was not, in fact, a