Phase (Phoebe Reede: The Untold Story #1) by Michelle Irwin Page B

goodbye. Beth, on the other hand, had to be prised off me as I climbed into the car.
    I’d already checked my travel pack, crammed full of my clothes and everything I might need on the trip, and just had a small bag that contained my passport, ticket, prepaid credit cards, affidavit from Mum and Dad about me being a minor travelling overseas alone, and medicine that I’d need during the trip. To my embarrassment, Mum had added a packet of condoms to the top of that bag just before we got out of the car. “Just in case,” she’d said before moving on to the next topic to avoid an awkward conversation, for which I was thankful.
    “I can’t believe we’re going to miss your birthday,” Mum said. It was the umpteenth time she’d said it, but I figured it was still playing on her mind that it would be the first birthday ever that she wouldn’t be with me to celebrate.
    “It’s okay. We can video chat. You won’t even notice I’m missing.”
    “But it’s your eighteenth.”
    I leant against her side and held her around her waist. “I know. But that’s why it’s better I’m away. Could you imagine what the boys at Emmanuel Racing would arrange for me? I’d probably be drunk for a week afterward. Maybe two.”
    “I don’t think you being away for your birthday will stop that happening. They’ll find a way to take you out and get you pissed. Or at least as much as they dare without incurring your dad’s wrath.”
    I snorted. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I’m only postponing the inevitable.”
    “Exactly.”
    A moment of silence passed between us.
    “We’ve just never been apart on your birthday before,” Mum added, wringing her hands together. “Never.”
    “You’ll still do that favour for me, won’t you?” I asked, partly to change the subject and partly because I’d asked her to make sure Emmanuel’s eighteenth wasn’t ignored just because I wasn’t there. Usually, I insisted we have a separate cake for him and wrote him a card the same as I did for the rest of my siblings.
    She nodded.
    “Promise?”
    “Of course, sweetheart. I know how much it means to you for your brother to get a chance to celebrate too.”
    A stillness fell over both of us after the mention of Emmanuel. Just like always, I imagined I felt his presence near me. Comforting me and giving me strength as I prepared for the journey ahead.
    I’d even taken the time to go visit his grave the day before to speak to him. It was the first time I’d been in a few years. As a kid, I’d headed to see him regularly with Mum. As I’d grown older, I’d asked Mum if I could stop going.
    By thirteen, I was insistent that I stay away. At first, she hadn’t understood, especially when I hadn’t been able to explain my reasoning well enough. The fact was it was weird for me to visit there; to think of the remains of a days-old baby underneath the dirt; to look at the tiny, life-sized cherub on the top of the grave, because that wasn’t who Emmanuel was to me.
    In my mind, he’d grown with me, supporting me along the way. Late at night, and in times when I was completely alone, I could almost swear I felt his hand holding mine. Maybe it was the fact that part of him was still alive and well inside of me—and working constantly to keep me alive.
    If it weren’t for his kidneys, I would have been the one under the dirt, and I would never forget that.
    The tears that I’d finally managed to stow just an hour earlier flowed in earnest again. Each excited thought sent a wave of guilt through me. Nikki still wasn’t entirely in the clear, after all. Mum and Dad would still have to deal with three other children as well as caring for her. My trip was just adding extra pressure. Pressure they didn’t need.
    It was selfish of me to even consider going. And yet, it would be impossible to stay, ticking away inside like a time bomb that might explode at any time.
    Mum wrapped her arms around me and let me cry against her shoulder. She