Plain Fear: Forgiven: A Novel by Leanna Ellis Page A

I’m going out there to help.”
    Andi narrowed her eyes. “You told me neighbors help neighbors. So let ’em.”
    “I need to be there.”
    She crossed her arms over her stomach, pushing her breasts higher. “It’s more than that, isn’t it?”
    He felt his heels sinking deeper into his decision.
    She stepped back. “How long will you be gone?”
    “Not long.” He looked over at a barbell lying deserted on a mat, the way he’d abandoned the truth. His own reluctance to share his hopes and plans brought back a memory. He’d stood at the end of Jacob’s bed as his brother had packed his own bag so many years ago.
    “New Orleans isn’t so far,” Jacob had offered as a consolation.
    At fourteen, Samuel had resented Jacob’s ability to take off for parts unknown. Sounding even younger with his voice cracking, Samuel asked, “How do you know?”
    “Because I’ve read all about it.” Jacob slapped a hand against Samuel’s chest, then grinned. “Don’t worry. I’ll come back.”
    He had, yet he hadn’t. The Jacob who had returned to his family months later had been different. And their lives had never been the same.
    He sensed similar emotions now. Whatever awaited him in Pennsylvania would change him irrevocably. From the look in Andi’s eyes, she understood that too.
    She drew a deep breath as if fortifying herself. She’d told him of breakups she’d experienced in the past. She wasn’t the type to give her heart easily, and she protected it with a vengeance. He could see her rebuilding the walls even now, protecting herself. “You’ll forget all about me. Hey, maybe I’ll forget about you too.”
    “Never.” He reached for her, and she tried to tug loose, but he was stronger and pulled her close. Still, she remained stiff and unresponsive in his arms. He tipped her head back and stared deeply into her eyes, seeing the green spiked with bits of gold and brown all swirled together. “I love you, Andi.”
    It was the first time he’d used those words, and he meant them. He loved her. But words held little meaning for her. She’d told him enough about her past, her parents, and ex-lovers for him to understand actions spoke much louder than even he could shout. He regretted the words even now. Not that he didn’t believe them or feel them in the very beat of his heart, but because those were the last words her father said when he left Andi and her mom—for good.
    Her wounded gaze skittered away, and her mouth tensed. So he kissed her as hard and as long as he knew how, trying to express all the things he couldn’t say. When she began to soften beneath him, he pulled away. “I can’t promise you anything, Andi. Not now. Not yet. I don’t know what my future holds. But I want…I hope—”
    She touched his lips with her fingers. Tears glimmered in her eyes, but she blinked them away and backed out of his arms. “Shut up. Just go.”

Chapter Ten
    The sky remained a dark gray, clouds blocking out the stars and moon, and the air felt still, as if it held its breath—waiting.
    Andi too was in wait mode. Waiting to hear from Samuel. Waiting to find out if he’d ever return. And she hated waiting.
    As a girl, she’d watched her mother waiting on the couch, arms and legs tangled in knots of worry, as she waited for her latest boyfriend to come home. But first, she’d waited on Andi’s father hand and foot, fetching a bottle of beer out of the fridge when he snapped his fat fingers, washing his stinking clothes, which he never bothered to put in the clothes bin, and playing the little wife every chance she got. Vicki Mitchell waited on her man when he went to work, on the rare occasion he did. And she waited on him when he went out with the boys for a beer and came home smelling of whiskey and cheap perfume. Then Vicki waited for him to come home one last time, after he tossed over his shoulder, “Love you, baby.” But he never darkened her door again, and Andi had known he never