cable (a pair of wires leading from the point near your house right back to the local exchange and thus a pair of wires essential for the provision of service for you) is lacking and that therefore it is a technical impossibility to install a telephone for you at …
This explanation is obscure partly because the sentence is too long, partly because the long parenthesis has thrown the grammar out of gear, and partly because the writer, with the best of intentions, says far more than is necessary even to make what is said here seem thoroughly polite and convincing. It might have run thus:
I am sorry to have to tell you that we have found that there is no spare pair of wires on the cable that would have to be used to connect your house with the exchange. I fear, therefore, that it is impossible to install a telephone for you.
(10) Explain technical terms in simple words. You will soon become so familiar with the technical terms of the law you are administering that you will feel that you have known them all your life, and may forget that to others they are unintelligible.
Of this fault I can find no English example to equal the American one already quoted:
The non-compensable evaluation heretofore assigned to you for your service-connected disability is confirmed and continued.
This means, I understand, that the veteran to whom it is addressed has been judged to be still not entitled to a disability pension.
I am indebted for the following example to a friend in the Board of Inland Revenue, who also supplies the comment:
I have pleasure in enclosing a cheque for £ …, a supplementary repayment for … This is accounted for by the fact that in calculating the untaxed interest assessable the interest on the loan from Mr X was treated as untaxed, whereas it should be regarded as received in full out of taxed sources—any liability thereon being fully satisfied. The treatment of this loan interest from the date of the first payment has been correct—i.e. tax charged at full standard rate on Mr X and treated in your hands as a liability fully satisfied before receipt.
‘The occasion was the issue of an unexpected cheque,’ writes my friend. ‘It is a difficult matter to explain, and an honest attempt has been made. The major fault is one of over-explanation in technical language. The writer could have said:
The interest you received from Mr X on the money you lent him was included as part of your income to be taxed. This was wrong. Mr X had already paid tax on this interest, and you are not liable to pay it again. You have been repaid all the tax due to you.
With this the recipient would have been satisfied. “Treated in your hands as a liability” is an odd way of describing an asset, and the loan was of course
to
Mr X, not from him. “Interest-on-the-loan” is treated confusingly as a composite noun.’
(11) Do not use what have been called the ‘dry meaningless
formulae’ of commercialese. Not all of them need warning against: officials do not write
your esteemed favour to hand
or address their correspondents as
your good self
. But some of these formulae do occasionally appear.
Same
is used as a pronoun, *
enclosed please find
is written instead of
I enclose
, and foolish
begs
are common. The use of
beg
in commercialese is presumably to be accounted for by a false analogy with the reasonable use of
I beg
as a polite way of introducing a contradiction,
I beg to differ
meaning ‘I beg your leave to differ’. But there is no reason why one should apologise, however faintly, for acknowledging a letter or remaining an obedient servant.
Avoid, too, that ugly and unnecessary symbol
and/or
when writing letters. It is fit only for forms and lists and specifications and things of that sort. It can always be dispensed with. Instead of writing (say) ‘soldiers and/or sailors’ we can write ‘soldiers or sailors or both’.
Note
.
And/or
is not fit even for ‘specifications and things of that sort’ unless used
This explanation is obscure partly because the sentence is too long, partly because the long parenthesis has thrown the grammar out of gear, and partly because the writer, with the best of intentions, says far more than is necessary even to make what is said here seem thoroughly polite and convincing. It might have run thus:
I am sorry to have to tell you that we have found that there is no spare pair of wires on the cable that would have to be used to connect your house with the exchange. I fear, therefore, that it is impossible to install a telephone for you.
(10) Explain technical terms in simple words. You will soon become so familiar with the technical terms of the law you are administering that you will feel that you have known them all your life, and may forget that to others they are unintelligible.
Of this fault I can find no English example to equal the American one already quoted:
The non-compensable evaluation heretofore assigned to you for your service-connected disability is confirmed and continued.
This means, I understand, that the veteran to whom it is addressed has been judged to be still not entitled to a disability pension.
I am indebted for the following example to a friend in the Board of Inland Revenue, who also supplies the comment:
I have pleasure in enclosing a cheque for £ …, a supplementary repayment for … This is accounted for by the fact that in calculating the untaxed interest assessable the interest on the loan from Mr X was treated as untaxed, whereas it should be regarded as received in full out of taxed sources—any liability thereon being fully satisfied. The treatment of this loan interest from the date of the first payment has been correct—i.e. tax charged at full standard rate on Mr X and treated in your hands as a liability fully satisfied before receipt.
‘The occasion was the issue of an unexpected cheque,’ writes my friend. ‘It is a difficult matter to explain, and an honest attempt has been made. The major fault is one of over-explanation in technical language. The writer could have said:
The interest you received from Mr X on the money you lent him was included as part of your income to be taxed. This was wrong. Mr X had already paid tax on this interest, and you are not liable to pay it again. You have been repaid all the tax due to you.
With this the recipient would have been satisfied. “Treated in your hands as a liability” is an odd way of describing an asset, and the loan was of course
to
Mr X, not from him. “Interest-on-the-loan” is treated confusingly as a composite noun.’
(11) Do not use what have been called the ‘dry meaningless
formulae’ of commercialese. Not all of them need warning against: officials do not write
your esteemed favour to hand
or address their correspondents as
your good self
. But some of these formulae do occasionally appear.
Same
is used as a pronoun, *
enclosed please find
is written instead of
I enclose
, and foolish
begs
are common. The use of
beg
in commercialese is presumably to be accounted for by a false analogy with the reasonable use of
I beg
as a polite way of introducing a contradiction,
I beg to differ
meaning ‘I beg your leave to differ’. But there is no reason why one should apologise, however faintly, for acknowledging a letter or remaining an obedient servant.
Avoid, too, that ugly and unnecessary symbol
and/or
when writing letters. It is fit only for forms and lists and specifications and things of that sort. It can always be dispensed with. Instead of writing (say) ‘soldiers and/or sailors’ we can write ‘soldiers or sailors or both’.
Note
.
And/or
is not fit even for ‘specifications and things of that sort’ unless used
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