own use does not mean it belongs to you. It is a dealership spiff—a free gimme. And if the inside and outside of that car is not one hundred percent clean at all times, you will receive one ding on Max’s attendance sheet. If you get two dings, you’re a pedestrian for the next thirty days. That means everyone, sales managers included.
“Okay, now here’s the deal with the ups: from now on everyone has their own sales area on the lot. No more number system. The number system is a joke. Max will assign each of you an area on the lot. Your personal patch. You are to be outside on the lot at all times on that patch unless you got a mooch in the box or you are at your desk, working a deal or making call-backs. Any mooch that stops in your area to check out a car, that mooch automatically becomes your up. And there will be no skating other salesmen. That shit will not be tolerated.
“Here it is again. Listen up: if the mooch stops in your area by a car, then he’s your up. If he stops . If you are caught skating in someone else’s area, and a sale is made, you will lose that sale.
“Okay, that’s it. That’s all I’ve got. Any questions?”
TRUDY, A TALL and skinny saleswoman in a short skirt and tight blue top, had a question and held her hand up.
“Excuse me, Rhett,” she said, “I go to my second job twice a week at five o’clock. I have to be on time. Can I work something out?”
Rhett smiled. “No exceptions. Zero.”
Trudy rolled her eyes.
“Now, all of you, check the board to see what your new day off is. Last thing: we have a new bonus policy at Sherman Toyota. Here it is. This is the good news, so listen up, kiddies! Beginning this weekend, the salesman who delivers the most cars will get a five-hundred-dollar cash bonus. And from now on, any salesman who delivers three cars in one day gets a five-hundred-dollar cash bonus. And any salesman who delivers ten cars in one week from now on will receive a five-hundred-dollar cash bonus in addition to his commission. And from now on, the first sale of the weekend gets a five-hundred-dollar bonus. In cash. All cash bonuses are off the books.”
This information brought wide smiles from most of the sales force—all except Woody and Trudy.
Rhett went on. “This is the car business, my friends. You work for Rhett Butler now. If you give me my pound of flesh I’ll make you a lot of money. If you don’t, you’re history. It’s as simple as that. I know you think I’m an asshole. Everybody thinks I’m an asshole. I’m known all across L.A. as an asshole—a rich asshole. Play ball with me, I’ll make you a fat paycheck every two weeks. Any more questions?”
There was only one. It came from Fernando, the dealership’s only Spanish-speaking salesman. “Scuze me, Rhott. My dae hoff ez disa Sunday. Tomoro,” he said. “I got me some planz to go out of tonn. I steel got my dae hoff?”
“Meeting’s over,” Rhett barked. “Let’s go to work.”
AFTER EVERYONE HAD left the room only me and Woody remained in the chairs. He made a face. “See what I said: This sucks,” he said, “in plain fucking English. I got dinner with my sponsor twice a week. I go to two noon AA meetings. Now that’s all down the shitter. I move an average of twenty cars a month for this joint. I’ve been the top guy here for months. My weekends and nights are now history—that means I start going to late-night AA meetings. Until ten minutes ago I had a sweet deal.”
“I hear ya,” I said. “Mercury retrograde.”
“What? Mercury-fucking-what?”
“Forget it.”
“Look, screw this shit, JD. I’m outta here. I’m done. I’m going home.”
“What for?”
“To make some phone calls. I’ll have another gig in a couple days. No big deal. Effective immediately. Rhett Butler and his plaid sports jacket can suck my ten-inch dick.”
Woody unhooked his demo’s car keys from his key ring and handed them to me. Then he pulled his cell phone out of his
“Okay, now here’s the deal with the ups: from now on everyone has their own sales area on the lot. No more number system. The number system is a joke. Max will assign each of you an area on the lot. Your personal patch. You are to be outside on the lot at all times on that patch unless you got a mooch in the box or you are at your desk, working a deal or making call-backs. Any mooch that stops in your area to check out a car, that mooch automatically becomes your up. And there will be no skating other salesmen. That shit will not be tolerated.
“Here it is again. Listen up: if the mooch stops in your area by a car, then he’s your up. If he stops . If you are caught skating in someone else’s area, and a sale is made, you will lose that sale.
“Okay, that’s it. That’s all I’ve got. Any questions?”
TRUDY, A TALL and skinny saleswoman in a short skirt and tight blue top, had a question and held her hand up.
“Excuse me, Rhett,” she said, “I go to my second job twice a week at five o’clock. I have to be on time. Can I work something out?”
Rhett smiled. “No exceptions. Zero.”
Trudy rolled her eyes.
“Now, all of you, check the board to see what your new day off is. Last thing: we have a new bonus policy at Sherman Toyota. Here it is. This is the good news, so listen up, kiddies! Beginning this weekend, the salesman who delivers the most cars will get a five-hundred-dollar cash bonus. And from now on, any salesman who delivers three cars in one day gets a five-hundred-dollar cash bonus. And any salesman who delivers ten cars in one week from now on will receive a five-hundred-dollar cash bonus in addition to his commission. And from now on, the first sale of the weekend gets a five-hundred-dollar bonus. In cash. All cash bonuses are off the books.”
This information brought wide smiles from most of the sales force—all except Woody and Trudy.
Rhett went on. “This is the car business, my friends. You work for Rhett Butler now. If you give me my pound of flesh I’ll make you a lot of money. If you don’t, you’re history. It’s as simple as that. I know you think I’m an asshole. Everybody thinks I’m an asshole. I’m known all across L.A. as an asshole—a rich asshole. Play ball with me, I’ll make you a fat paycheck every two weeks. Any more questions?”
There was only one. It came from Fernando, the dealership’s only Spanish-speaking salesman. “Scuze me, Rhott. My dae hoff ez disa Sunday. Tomoro,” he said. “I got me some planz to go out of tonn. I steel got my dae hoff?”
“Meeting’s over,” Rhett barked. “Let’s go to work.”
AFTER EVERYONE HAD left the room only me and Woody remained in the chairs. He made a face. “See what I said: This sucks,” he said, “in plain fucking English. I got dinner with my sponsor twice a week. I go to two noon AA meetings. Now that’s all down the shitter. I move an average of twenty cars a month for this joint. I’ve been the top guy here for months. My weekends and nights are now history—that means I start going to late-night AA meetings. Until ten minutes ago I had a sweet deal.”
“I hear ya,” I said. “Mercury retrograde.”
“What? Mercury-fucking-what?”
“Forget it.”
“Look, screw this shit, JD. I’m outta here. I’m done. I’m going home.”
“What for?”
“To make some phone calls. I’ll have another gig in a couple days. No big deal. Effective immediately. Rhett Butler and his plaid sports jacket can suck my ten-inch dick.”
Woody unhooked his demo’s car keys from his key ring and handed them to me. Then he pulled his cell phone out of his
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