wouldn’t be so damn defensive. Chill out, will you? You know Dean and I just watch out for you. We’re not trying to run your life over here.”
“Yeah, watch out for me. Neither one of you wants me with anyone else.” I started walking again, Carter trailing behind at a slower pace.
“Is that what you think?” He took hold of my arm. “You think we’re friends with you just so we can own you? Go to bed with you? What, Kate. You think we’re just waiting in the wings for you to change your mind about one of us?”
My eyes rolled to the ground and I swallowed, wondering how my nice day out with Carter had turned into this. The song lyrics “You’re so vain” popped up briefly, waving their accusation around in my face. I gently pulled my arm from his grasp. “No. That’s not what I meant.”
“I think it is, but you don’t have to say it. We already know. But we overlook it. All the time. Because you’re our best friend and we’d rather have you this way than not have you at all. But sitting around watching you run off every guy you meet without ever giving them a chance...it’s exhausting. You don’t need to fight us off all the time, you know. You do all the work for us.” He slammed his trash into the garbage can and started to walk away, swinging back around to face me. I stood still as stone, waiting. He was a volcano ready to explode.
“Even if we were waiting on you to choose one of us someday, can you really blame us? Can you even see why this stupid thing with Campbell is infuriating for me? You finally show interest in someone, and it just so happens to be some college professor playboy.” He shook his head and rubbed his hand across his forehead. “Your dad may have run out on you and left you to clean up the mess, but it’s no excuse to shut everyone out. And if you are going to finally let someone in, for the love of God, please don’t deliberately choose someone you know will burn you. Because that’s exactly what you’re in for if you mess around with this Campbell guy.”
People started staring, slowing down as they passed us. I exhaled, lifelessly raising my hands in the air. I had no idea what to say to all that. Apparently, Carter had been holding a lot in, and it was only fair to let him speak his piece.
“But you know that already, don’t you?” He spoke softly now, looking at me once more before he sailed past me, leaving me in the squalls of market traffic, letting it swallow me up in its endless rhythm.
***
The week dragged on, my fallout with Carter leaving me listless and empty. Dean came over a few times to try and cheer me up, but he wouldn’t say much, just gave me a hug and told me that we’d kiss and make up at some point.
“They were things that needed to be said, Kate. Just let him be for a while. He’s crazy about you, you have to remember that. Neither one of us can stay mad at you for very long.”
“Thanks for coming, Dean. Good luck with your show tonight. And tell Crystal ‘hi’ for me.”
“Sure thing, babe.”
On Monday I missed Ryan’s entire lecture, zoning in and out as he spoke, trying to make sense of everything that had happened with Carter. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the way he’d blown up over something that was nonexistent. I wasn’t involved with Ryan, I wasn’t planning on getting involved with Ryan, and I definitely had no interest in pursuing a relationship at all, let alone with my professor. Didn’t Carter know me at all? Hadn’t I made myself clear?
The truth began to gnaw away at me, the silence in my mind revealing my most inner realities—that I did like Ryan. I did let him flirt with me, and on some level, I enjoyed it. But so what? I wasn’t going to let it go anywhere. Certainly not after what I’d heard about him, even if I couldn’t believe everything I heard. And knowing he was dating the redhead? And likely romancing another blonde? Forget it. I wasn’t that girl, no matter how much he raised
“Yeah, watch out for me. Neither one of you wants me with anyone else.” I started walking again, Carter trailing behind at a slower pace.
“Is that what you think?” He took hold of my arm. “You think we’re friends with you just so we can own you? Go to bed with you? What, Kate. You think we’re just waiting in the wings for you to change your mind about one of us?”
My eyes rolled to the ground and I swallowed, wondering how my nice day out with Carter had turned into this. The song lyrics “You’re so vain” popped up briefly, waving their accusation around in my face. I gently pulled my arm from his grasp. “No. That’s not what I meant.”
“I think it is, but you don’t have to say it. We already know. But we overlook it. All the time. Because you’re our best friend and we’d rather have you this way than not have you at all. But sitting around watching you run off every guy you meet without ever giving them a chance...it’s exhausting. You don’t need to fight us off all the time, you know. You do all the work for us.” He slammed his trash into the garbage can and started to walk away, swinging back around to face me. I stood still as stone, waiting. He was a volcano ready to explode.
“Even if we were waiting on you to choose one of us someday, can you really blame us? Can you even see why this stupid thing with Campbell is infuriating for me? You finally show interest in someone, and it just so happens to be some college professor playboy.” He shook his head and rubbed his hand across his forehead. “Your dad may have run out on you and left you to clean up the mess, but it’s no excuse to shut everyone out. And if you are going to finally let someone in, for the love of God, please don’t deliberately choose someone you know will burn you. Because that’s exactly what you’re in for if you mess around with this Campbell guy.”
People started staring, slowing down as they passed us. I exhaled, lifelessly raising my hands in the air. I had no idea what to say to all that. Apparently, Carter had been holding a lot in, and it was only fair to let him speak his piece.
“But you know that already, don’t you?” He spoke softly now, looking at me once more before he sailed past me, leaving me in the squalls of market traffic, letting it swallow me up in its endless rhythm.
***
The week dragged on, my fallout with Carter leaving me listless and empty. Dean came over a few times to try and cheer me up, but he wouldn’t say much, just gave me a hug and told me that we’d kiss and make up at some point.
“They were things that needed to be said, Kate. Just let him be for a while. He’s crazy about you, you have to remember that. Neither one of us can stay mad at you for very long.”
“Thanks for coming, Dean. Good luck with your show tonight. And tell Crystal ‘hi’ for me.”
“Sure thing, babe.”
On Monday I missed Ryan’s entire lecture, zoning in and out as he spoke, trying to make sense of everything that had happened with Carter. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the way he’d blown up over something that was nonexistent. I wasn’t involved with Ryan, I wasn’t planning on getting involved with Ryan, and I definitely had no interest in pursuing a relationship at all, let alone with my professor. Didn’t Carter know me at all? Hadn’t I made myself clear?
The truth began to gnaw away at me, the silence in my mind revealing my most inner realities—that I did like Ryan. I did let him flirt with me, and on some level, I enjoyed it. But so what? I wasn’t going to let it go anywhere. Certainly not after what I’d heard about him, even if I couldn’t believe everything I heard. And knowing he was dating the redhead? And likely romancing another blonde? Forget it. I wasn’t that girl, no matter how much he raised
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