other test recipes. Baking I can do, but I’ve never pressed myself as a cook. I’ve always wanted to try Lima Bean casserole. I saw it in a cookbook once, and I think that’ll be divine before I rush off to my shift.”
“It’ll be something,” he said, trying not to let his tone or expression give him away. Lima beans, dear God. He was still not sure whether the Mel he was talking to was the real Mel or the new, not-so-improved Mel, or if he even knew which was the real one.
Chapter Thirteen
“Is it the 15 th yet?” Ray asked, his voice pleading and frustrated.
Gregory chuckled on the other end. “You’ve been married, so to speak, for eight days. That’s not even the length of most people’s honeymoons! Seriously, what could she have done in a week to ruin everything? A throne and a multibillion-dollar inheritance are serious acquisitions to consider forfeiting so you can jump ship so soon. What’s going on?”
Ray sighed and glanced at his budding collection of ruined shirts. Last night, dinner had ended up in his lap and almost burned him. The stench of lima beans mixed with cream cheese in that horrid casserole was still clinging to his hair.
This morning, even though she had ended up creating amazing cherry turnovers, she’d somehow managed to get glops of it in his hair and the collar of his shirt when she kissed him at the breakfast table. While he was glad for that first bit of physical affection since the wedding night they couldn’t remember, he was eating through the Perry Ellis Collection like no one’s business.
“She’s flipped.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means,” he said, “that I was first attracted by an amazing, hot, smart woman, and now I have to deal with this crazy Betty Crocker wannabe. Every time I do anything at home, there she is in the kitchen creating random messes and ruining my clothes. I’m wearing more of the food than I’m actually eating.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Is that all you have to say?”
“Well is that it? She’s messed up your clothes?”
“No, that’s not it. I know this is a business arrangement, and most of the time she makes that clear.”
“Most of the time?”
“Well, since the baking bonanza started, she’s been saccharine sweet and a very perfect housewife. She actually kissed me for the first time in a week.”
“I see,” Gregory said, his tone measured and deliberate.
“Again, what is that supposed to mean? You’re my friend; you’re not a shrink. So tell me what any of this means?”
“And has anything else happened?”
“Not really. It was like she went to work one day as one person and came back as a completely different, and very annoying, person.”
“Oh, I get it.”
“You get it? Because I sure don’t. She has also somehow acquired the worst wardrobe I’ve ever seen. Today she was wearing a plaid skirt-shorts thing.”
“Gaucho pants.”
“How do you know all this?”
“I read the internet and have five sisters, not just the one like you,” Gregory said. “So, after going to work, she had a personality 180 and became a walking fashion disaster. I don’t mean to underestimate your intelligence…”
“You really don’t have to put it like that. We’ve been friends for too long.”
“True, I’ll just chalk up your acting like an idiot to being royalty, something to do with primarily living in a fantasy bubble.”
“Meaning?”
“Clearly, she’s had a long conversation with one of her friends. They’ve decided how everything is going to work out.”
“I don’t think I understand.”
“It’s a plot, Ray. She’s trying to drive you off by playing out every terrible girlfriend cliché she can. The too-happy homemaker, letting her looks go…she’s going to rev all that up and make you crazy so she can get out of the contract early. The deal, as you well know, is that if you dump her first, you still owe her the house.”
“Well, yes.”
“So she’s driving you
“It’ll be something,” he said, trying not to let his tone or expression give him away. Lima beans, dear God. He was still not sure whether the Mel he was talking to was the real Mel or the new, not-so-improved Mel, or if he even knew which was the real one.
Chapter Thirteen
“Is it the 15 th yet?” Ray asked, his voice pleading and frustrated.
Gregory chuckled on the other end. “You’ve been married, so to speak, for eight days. That’s not even the length of most people’s honeymoons! Seriously, what could she have done in a week to ruin everything? A throne and a multibillion-dollar inheritance are serious acquisitions to consider forfeiting so you can jump ship so soon. What’s going on?”
Ray sighed and glanced at his budding collection of ruined shirts. Last night, dinner had ended up in his lap and almost burned him. The stench of lima beans mixed with cream cheese in that horrid casserole was still clinging to his hair.
This morning, even though she had ended up creating amazing cherry turnovers, she’d somehow managed to get glops of it in his hair and the collar of his shirt when she kissed him at the breakfast table. While he was glad for that first bit of physical affection since the wedding night they couldn’t remember, he was eating through the Perry Ellis Collection like no one’s business.
“She’s flipped.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means,” he said, “that I was first attracted by an amazing, hot, smart woman, and now I have to deal with this crazy Betty Crocker wannabe. Every time I do anything at home, there she is in the kitchen creating random messes and ruining my clothes. I’m wearing more of the food than I’m actually eating.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Is that all you have to say?”
“Well is that it? She’s messed up your clothes?”
“No, that’s not it. I know this is a business arrangement, and most of the time she makes that clear.”
“Most of the time?”
“Well, since the baking bonanza started, she’s been saccharine sweet and a very perfect housewife. She actually kissed me for the first time in a week.”
“I see,” Gregory said, his tone measured and deliberate.
“Again, what is that supposed to mean? You’re my friend; you’re not a shrink. So tell me what any of this means?”
“And has anything else happened?”
“Not really. It was like she went to work one day as one person and came back as a completely different, and very annoying, person.”
“Oh, I get it.”
“You get it? Because I sure don’t. She has also somehow acquired the worst wardrobe I’ve ever seen. Today she was wearing a plaid skirt-shorts thing.”
“Gaucho pants.”
“How do you know all this?”
“I read the internet and have five sisters, not just the one like you,” Gregory said. “So, after going to work, she had a personality 180 and became a walking fashion disaster. I don’t mean to underestimate your intelligence…”
“You really don’t have to put it like that. We’ve been friends for too long.”
“True, I’ll just chalk up your acting like an idiot to being royalty, something to do with primarily living in a fantasy bubble.”
“Meaning?”
“Clearly, she’s had a long conversation with one of her friends. They’ve decided how everything is going to work out.”
“I don’t think I understand.”
“It’s a plot, Ray. She’s trying to drive you off by playing out every terrible girlfriend cliché she can. The too-happy homemaker, letting her looks go…she’s going to rev all that up and make you crazy so she can get out of the contract early. The deal, as you well know, is that if you dump her first, you still owe her the house.”
“Well, yes.”
“So she’s driving you
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