looked down to read the note. Her eyes widened.
“Is this the guy that left this morning?”
I nodded my head. It was all I could do while I tried to pull myself together.
“So that’s what he meant ,” she whispered.
“Wait … what?”
Her head flew up to look at me , her eyes wide. She obviously hadn’t meant for me to hear her say that. I stared at her until she broke. She told me all about their conversation as he left.
“JENNY!”
“What I’m sorry. He seemed genuine about his feelings for you. I thought it would be good for you to find someone to ‘consume you and make you forget,’” she said, raising the note pointing to the last line of his note.
I sagged back against my chair. What the hell was I going to do?
Everyone is pushing me to date, but no one understands that I FUCKING can’t! Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. Even if I could, I wouldn’t because , thanks to Alex, all men make me think of the pain, fear, and hell I have been through over the years. I can’t handle it. There are times when I feel like waking up is more of an effort than it’s worth.
“Are you going to call him? I think that’s a cell phone , so you could totally text him.”
She was jumping up and down like it was some high school crush or something. I couldn’t do that to him or to myself. I shook my head and busied myself at my desk , unable to control the sadness that overtook me. For the first time, I felt completely alone. I truly was fighting this on my own, and boy was I losing the battle.
Jenny left my office shortly afterward and I went about my work. I tried to push thoughts of Jason out of my mind, but every time I looked at my table I thought about him , and then about the kiss. I needed to get out of my office, but if I did that then I would have to go home. Home was the last place I wanted to be. I didn’t go anywhere I couldn’t take Cara and I didn’t go unless there was a crowd.
I decided to head outside to our own private dog park for the dogs that come through the office. There was a cat palace (indoor and outdoor) for the cats as well. Cara immediately took off to play with the few other dogs being let out for exercise. I sat on one of the benches, pulled my knees up, and held them there against my chest. I watched Cara running around playing. Her life started off so horribly and now she is happy as a clam. Sighing, I wished my life could be like that.
Wishing never got me anywhere. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was younger, but that didn’t happen. Whatever I wanted in life was within my grasp, but then Alex walked into my room and everything changed. No one noticed, no one asked questions. I gave up hope that someone would start the conversation and fell back into myself. I blocked out my brothers and dad more than my sisters and my mom. My mom had tried to get me to go to my Aunt’s that night, but I wanted to spend time with Eli. It was true that one decision could affect the rest of your life. I learned that quickly. Mine had never been the same since that day, and I didn’t foresee it getting better any time soon.
My mind eventually wandered to Jason. He was right with what he said in the note.
‘To finding the ones who consume us and make us forget.’
I thought about him a lot and it got my mind off the terror my life was. It gave me a ray of sunshine in my otherwise storm of a life. However, I had to wonder what I made him forget. Part of me wanted to ask, but that would be asking him to do something I was just not ready to do myself. Not like I was going to talk to him again anyway.
My mind kept whirling around what the hell to do. Alex was going to find me eventually. I couldn’t hide out anywhere. It never worked; I tried that many years ago. I was never sure how he found me, but he did. It made it hard to find a place away from him, though I needed to find a new
“Is this the guy that left this morning?”
I nodded my head. It was all I could do while I tried to pull myself together.
“So that’s what he meant ,” she whispered.
“Wait … what?”
Her head flew up to look at me , her eyes wide. She obviously hadn’t meant for me to hear her say that. I stared at her until she broke. She told me all about their conversation as he left.
“JENNY!”
“What I’m sorry. He seemed genuine about his feelings for you. I thought it would be good for you to find someone to ‘consume you and make you forget,’” she said, raising the note pointing to the last line of his note.
I sagged back against my chair. What the hell was I going to do?
Everyone is pushing me to date, but no one understands that I FUCKING can’t! Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. Even if I could, I wouldn’t because , thanks to Alex, all men make me think of the pain, fear, and hell I have been through over the years. I can’t handle it. There are times when I feel like waking up is more of an effort than it’s worth.
“Are you going to call him? I think that’s a cell phone , so you could totally text him.”
She was jumping up and down like it was some high school crush or something. I couldn’t do that to him or to myself. I shook my head and busied myself at my desk , unable to control the sadness that overtook me. For the first time, I felt completely alone. I truly was fighting this on my own, and boy was I losing the battle.
Jenny left my office shortly afterward and I went about my work. I tried to push thoughts of Jason out of my mind, but every time I looked at my table I thought about him , and then about the kiss. I needed to get out of my office, but if I did that then I would have to go home. Home was the last place I wanted to be. I didn’t go anywhere I couldn’t take Cara and I didn’t go unless there was a crowd.
I decided to head outside to our own private dog park for the dogs that come through the office. There was a cat palace (indoor and outdoor) for the cats as well. Cara immediately took off to play with the few other dogs being let out for exercise. I sat on one of the benches, pulled my knees up, and held them there against my chest. I watched Cara running around playing. Her life started off so horribly and now she is happy as a clam. Sighing, I wished my life could be like that.
Wishing never got me anywhere. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was younger, but that didn’t happen. Whatever I wanted in life was within my grasp, but then Alex walked into my room and everything changed. No one noticed, no one asked questions. I gave up hope that someone would start the conversation and fell back into myself. I blocked out my brothers and dad more than my sisters and my mom. My mom had tried to get me to go to my Aunt’s that night, but I wanted to spend time with Eli. It was true that one decision could affect the rest of your life. I learned that quickly. Mine had never been the same since that day, and I didn’t foresee it getting better any time soon.
My mind eventually wandered to Jason. He was right with what he said in the note.
‘To finding the ones who consume us and make us forget.’
I thought about him a lot and it got my mind off the terror my life was. It gave me a ray of sunshine in my otherwise storm of a life. However, I had to wonder what I made him forget. Part of me wanted to ask, but that would be asking him to do something I was just not ready to do myself. Not like I was going to talk to him again anyway.
My mind kept whirling around what the hell to do. Alex was going to find me eventually. I couldn’t hide out anywhere. It never worked; I tried that many years ago. I was never sure how he found me, but he did. It made it hard to find a place away from him, though I needed to find a new
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