“I guess I still do,” he stiffens when he starts talking about the past again, “when my friends would talk about you, I got jealous. I wanted you for myself and I needed them to know you were mine. So one day when they were teasing me about how I could have any girl, except for the one sleeping in the room next to me, I made up the story. I told them that you snuck into my room one night when I was sleeping, crawled under the covers, took off your clothes, and seduced me,” Puck says, explaining for the first time how the rumors about me began.
“But, why?” I ask with tears in my eyes. I’ve waited so long to hear this.
“I couldn’t help it,” Puck continues, “it’s just the way boys are. Maybe that was my fantasy and I wanted to pretend it came true,” he shrugs, “by the time I saw the damage being done, it was too late.”
“Didn’t you realize how much that would hurt me? I was so young.”
“No. I figured they would high five me and forget about it,” he looks down at his lap.
“Unfortunately, they didn’t,” I reply sadly, “no one forgot about it.”
“I know. And I can apologize a million times but it won’t change a thing.”
“No. It won’t,” I say, looking up at him again, “I wish you would have spoken up back then. It would have changed everything.”
“Of course it would, and I should have,” he admits, “but that would have made me the liar. My reputation would have been ruined. As stupid as it was, I was too afraid to risk that.”
“Do you have any idea what I went through?” I ask, upset again, “I spent years being laughed at, called a slut, made fun of,” I close my eyes to stop myself and take a breath, “not only was I a slut, but I fucked my step brother . Do you know what that sounds like? What it feels like? You got to leave. I was left there to defend myself. To try to explain that you were the liar - but who would believe that? Puck? The guy who gets all the girls? Why would he have to make that up?”
I feel a tear roll down my cheek. I’m dredging up old feelings. Talking about the past is never a good idea, but I need this. I need to face my demon so I can move on. I don’t want to carry around this hate anymore - especially with these new feelings surfacing. I don’t want to be confused anymore.
“I never had a boyfriend. I never trusted anyone. Any time a guy wanted to date me, I would just assume it was because he was trying to get laid,” I say out loud for the first time, “it was an awful way to spend my teenage years. I was well into college before I really recovered from it.”
Puck reaches his hand to my cheek and wipes my tears with his thumb. He looks at me, his face full of regret, “I never meant for any of it to happen. I just hope now you understand. It doesn’t make things right - I know that - but I’m not a kid anymore. I’m not that person. I grew up - but I still want you.”
He leans in and kisses me softly on the lips. He doesn’t push me, doesn’t try for more. There are so many unspoken words passing between us. The passion we shared earlier is still hanging over us, but the feelings from our past are also. I can sense that Puck is as relieved as I am to get everything out in the open so we can try to move forward. How can I hate him after seeing how truly sorry he has been all this time?
“Well, this has been a fun meeting,” Puck jokes to lighten the mood.
I let out a chuckle. I’m still upset, but not at all the same as I was. I feel like we’ve reached a new level in our relationship, but I’m still unsure where we stand. It’s all still so confusing.
“How about we call it a night?” Puck suggests, “I have an early practice and this is going to be a busy week for both of us.”
I lean over and kiss him on the cheek, “I think that’s a good idea. I have a lot to think about.”
We both pick up our clothing and begin to put everything back on. I feel crushed, as I’m sure Puck does
“But, why?” I ask with tears in my eyes. I’ve waited so long to hear this.
“I couldn’t help it,” Puck continues, “it’s just the way boys are. Maybe that was my fantasy and I wanted to pretend it came true,” he shrugs, “by the time I saw the damage being done, it was too late.”
“Didn’t you realize how much that would hurt me? I was so young.”
“No. I figured they would high five me and forget about it,” he looks down at his lap.
“Unfortunately, they didn’t,” I reply sadly, “no one forgot about it.”
“I know. And I can apologize a million times but it won’t change a thing.”
“No. It won’t,” I say, looking up at him again, “I wish you would have spoken up back then. It would have changed everything.”
“Of course it would, and I should have,” he admits, “but that would have made me the liar. My reputation would have been ruined. As stupid as it was, I was too afraid to risk that.”
“Do you have any idea what I went through?” I ask, upset again, “I spent years being laughed at, called a slut, made fun of,” I close my eyes to stop myself and take a breath, “not only was I a slut, but I fucked my step brother . Do you know what that sounds like? What it feels like? You got to leave. I was left there to defend myself. To try to explain that you were the liar - but who would believe that? Puck? The guy who gets all the girls? Why would he have to make that up?”
I feel a tear roll down my cheek. I’m dredging up old feelings. Talking about the past is never a good idea, but I need this. I need to face my demon so I can move on. I don’t want to carry around this hate anymore - especially with these new feelings surfacing. I don’t want to be confused anymore.
“I never had a boyfriend. I never trusted anyone. Any time a guy wanted to date me, I would just assume it was because he was trying to get laid,” I say out loud for the first time, “it was an awful way to spend my teenage years. I was well into college before I really recovered from it.”
Puck reaches his hand to my cheek and wipes my tears with his thumb. He looks at me, his face full of regret, “I never meant for any of it to happen. I just hope now you understand. It doesn’t make things right - I know that - but I’m not a kid anymore. I’m not that person. I grew up - but I still want you.”
He leans in and kisses me softly on the lips. He doesn’t push me, doesn’t try for more. There are so many unspoken words passing between us. The passion we shared earlier is still hanging over us, but the feelings from our past are also. I can sense that Puck is as relieved as I am to get everything out in the open so we can try to move forward. How can I hate him after seeing how truly sorry he has been all this time?
“Well, this has been a fun meeting,” Puck jokes to lighten the mood.
I let out a chuckle. I’m still upset, but not at all the same as I was. I feel like we’ve reached a new level in our relationship, but I’m still unsure where we stand. It’s all still so confusing.
“How about we call it a night?” Puck suggests, “I have an early practice and this is going to be a busy week for both of us.”
I lean over and kiss him on the cheek, “I think that’s a good idea. I have a lot to think about.”
We both pick up our clothing and begin to put everything back on. I feel crushed, as I’m sure Puck does
Similar Books
