Mom and Dad always had the underlying fear that I was so depressed I would hurt myself, but I could never do something like that to them. I’d rather live in complete misery for eternity than cause them any more pain than I already had.
“Okay, son. But if you need anything, cal .”
“Yeah, Dad. I wil .”
I made my way through the hal to my apartment. I hung up the phone and slowly turned the key in my lock.
I knew it’d be al over once I walked through the door.
I swung it open and stepped inside. The barrier broke and the emotions came crashing down, bringing me to my knees.
I gasped as the sorrow took over—sorrow both for the loss of the baby girl I had so desperately wanted and for the guilt over the one that made me sick to think about.
October 1999
“I’m late.”
I was so freaked out by the look on Melanie’s face it took me a minute to comprehend what she was saying. Her intense green eyes were filled with so much fear and anxiety that I had started to think of every horrible thing that could have happened to her in the last two hours, so this took me by surprise.
“You mean, like late late?” I asked, moving my hands from her arms to her face, forcing her to make eye contact with me.
All she did was nod and try to look down.
“Hey, it’s okay, baby. We’ll be okay, no matter what.” I gathered her back up in my arms, trying to ease some of her anxiety. It was hard to do with my own anxiety building in the pit of my stomach.
“No matter what?” she asked as she looked back up at me. So much emotion swirled behind her eyes it made me dizzy.
“No matter what,” I smiled softly at her and nodded. “So, what do we need to do? I mean, have you taken a test or anything?” I didn’t know if she was telling me this was a sure thing or not.
“No, not yet. I’ve kind of been ignoring the signs, but I couldn’t exactly do that anymore after I puked up my lunch because Erin was eating a piece of pizza.” She laughed, shaking her head. I glanced at Erin’s car in front of Melanie’s house, and realized my baby sister would already know all about what was happening.
“Erin knows?”
“Yeah, she figured it out before I did.”
“So, it sounds like we need to take a trip to the store?” I didn’t want to start freaking out before I knew if I actually had something to freak out about.
“Yeah, I think we do.” She squeezed my hand, clearly seeking comfort from me.
I felt shocked, but I knew I needed to be strong for Melanie. She was the one who still had to finish high school, and I couldn’t imagine the amount of pressure something like this would put on her.
I mean, I always wanted to be a dad, and after I had found Melanie, there was no other woman I could even imagine having a child with. But right now, it was just so soon.
At the same time, there was some unknown feeling growing within me. A slight smile tugged at the corner of my mouth as I imagined my Melanie with her stomach swollen with our child. There’d never be anything more beautiful than that.
The front door opened, and Erin walked toward us, tentative.
“Hey, big brother.” Her words were soft and filled with emotion.
I couldn’t help but reach for her and pull her into a hug.
“Thank you for taking care of her.” I knew it was hard on Melanie with me being so far away, and it took some stress off me knowing Erin was spending time with Melanie.
I came down almost every weekend, but it was difficult at times, keeping up with school and making the almost two-hour trip from Boulder to Colorado Springs every Friday, but Melanie was more than worth it.
It was hard not seeing her every day, but it was only for the year. Once she graduated in May, she would join me at The University of Colorado, and we’d be together again. For the time being, though, I spent every extra minute either studying, going to class or on the phone with Melanie.
It looked like we were going to need Erin even more.
“Anything
“Okay, son. But if you need anything, cal .”
“Yeah, Dad. I wil .”
I made my way through the hal to my apartment. I hung up the phone and slowly turned the key in my lock.
I knew it’d be al over once I walked through the door.
I swung it open and stepped inside. The barrier broke and the emotions came crashing down, bringing me to my knees.
I gasped as the sorrow took over—sorrow both for the loss of the baby girl I had so desperately wanted and for the guilt over the one that made me sick to think about.
October 1999
“I’m late.”
I was so freaked out by the look on Melanie’s face it took me a minute to comprehend what she was saying. Her intense green eyes were filled with so much fear and anxiety that I had started to think of every horrible thing that could have happened to her in the last two hours, so this took me by surprise.
“You mean, like late late?” I asked, moving my hands from her arms to her face, forcing her to make eye contact with me.
All she did was nod and try to look down.
“Hey, it’s okay, baby. We’ll be okay, no matter what.” I gathered her back up in my arms, trying to ease some of her anxiety. It was hard to do with my own anxiety building in the pit of my stomach.
“No matter what?” she asked as she looked back up at me. So much emotion swirled behind her eyes it made me dizzy.
“No matter what,” I smiled softly at her and nodded. “So, what do we need to do? I mean, have you taken a test or anything?” I didn’t know if she was telling me this was a sure thing or not.
“No, not yet. I’ve kind of been ignoring the signs, but I couldn’t exactly do that anymore after I puked up my lunch because Erin was eating a piece of pizza.” She laughed, shaking her head. I glanced at Erin’s car in front of Melanie’s house, and realized my baby sister would already know all about what was happening.
“Erin knows?”
“Yeah, she figured it out before I did.”
“So, it sounds like we need to take a trip to the store?” I didn’t want to start freaking out before I knew if I actually had something to freak out about.
“Yeah, I think we do.” She squeezed my hand, clearly seeking comfort from me.
I felt shocked, but I knew I needed to be strong for Melanie. She was the one who still had to finish high school, and I couldn’t imagine the amount of pressure something like this would put on her.
I mean, I always wanted to be a dad, and after I had found Melanie, there was no other woman I could even imagine having a child with. But right now, it was just so soon.
At the same time, there was some unknown feeling growing within me. A slight smile tugged at the corner of my mouth as I imagined my Melanie with her stomach swollen with our child. There’d never be anything more beautiful than that.
The front door opened, and Erin walked toward us, tentative.
“Hey, big brother.” Her words were soft and filled with emotion.
I couldn’t help but reach for her and pull her into a hug.
“Thank you for taking care of her.” I knew it was hard on Melanie with me being so far away, and it took some stress off me knowing Erin was spending time with Melanie.
I came down almost every weekend, but it was difficult at times, keeping up with school and making the almost two-hour trip from Boulder to Colorado Springs every Friday, but Melanie was more than worth it.
It was hard not seeing her every day, but it was only for the year. Once she graduated in May, she would join me at The University of Colorado, and we’d be together again. For the time being, though, I spent every extra minute either studying, going to class or on the phone with Melanie.
It looked like we were going to need Erin even more.
“Anything
Similar Books
