for once the thought doesn’t fill me with dread. Things are going well. Theuniverse has hit a delicate balance and I’m trying to keep it that way.
My eyes water from the relentless gust, so I rest my head against my arm. The sea wall is warm against my forehead. Without meaning to, I tune in to the conversation of a group of girls standing a few metres away. It’s pretty hard not to listen. They all have high, annoying voices and keep talking over the top of each other.
‘Mrs Briggs,’ says one girl. ‘What a bitch. I can’t believe I have her again this year.’
The name catches my attention, and then the voice. I know those voices.
The loudest is Beth Mahoney, but I also recognise Naomi Tran. That means the other two girls must be Ellen and Matilda.
I freeze right where I am, bent over the wall. If they look to their left, they’ll see me.
I never found out for sure that they emailed the fake photo of me doing things I’ve never done to a guy I’ve never met, to the entire year level. Mum reported it and all four got called separately to speak to the principal, but there was no evidence. I moved schools soon after.
They’re going to recognise me any second, and then I don’t know what they’ll do. Play nice, as if it never happened? Pick up the bitchy comments from where they left off? Part of me used to like the verbal wars, bothparties slashing away at each other, with the meanest words we could think of, but I’m not that person anymore.
I get a strange flash of memory, a snippet of Shyness rushing at me. Standing at the top of an Orphanville tower with Wolfboy next to me, looking out at the dark suburb and the starry sky overhead. Feeling as if I had my whole life ahead of me, glittering and mysterious. The opposite of what I’m feeling now.
I straighten up and walk away, expecting my name to be called out at any moment. My legs are shaky. Soon I’m a hundred metres up the path, and when I turn around, the mean girls are coloured specks in the distance.
I cut across the nature reserve to the main road, breathing in exhaust fumes from the cars. The photo was the final way of telling me I didn’t fit in at that school, and never would. That everyone else in my year level believed it so easily meant they already thought I was that kind of person anyway. And what had I done to deserve that? Grow up in a rough area? Did being from Plexus Commons automatically mean I was a slut?
But then following that was the night. The night in Shyness that seemed to be the start of everything working itself out. And maybe, if what Ortolan said is true, it was the same for Wolfboy.
He sounded endearingly hesitant in the voicemail. And Lupe leaving is a big deal. She’s one of his closest friends.And he said something about Paul. Paul was nice. I shake my head to clear it. No. No. No.
Cars whiz past me, and a guy leans out of a Valiant and whistles. I hold my head high, pretending I’m on the side of the road in America, or Spain, or Iceland, and I’m about to hitchhike somewhere really cool. You’d be amazed how I can make myself believe my own fantasies. The road wobbles and shimmers ahead.
nine
Diana waits for me at the
door of the shop, as if everything is normal. She’s covered from head to toe in flapping shreds of colour: mostly red, but with touches of yellow, blue and green. A peaked red hood covers her head. My stomach is jumping. I don’t know if Ortolan has really forgiven me for failing to show up on time last night.
‘Jet-ro!’ Diana hugs my legs, her face turned up to me. ‘Where will you live when the moon goes away?’
I pull a face to make her giggle. ‘I’ll live with you on a boat, Flopsy. We’ll be pirates.’
‘Silly!’ she says approvingly, and drags me up the stairs.
She lets go of my hand and squawks around Ortie’s bigwork table, flapping her arms up and down. Her cheeks are flushed.
‘What are you, Flopsy? Are you a superhero?’ But she is already too caught
My eyes water from the relentless gust, so I rest my head against my arm. The sea wall is warm against my forehead. Without meaning to, I tune in to the conversation of a group of girls standing a few metres away. It’s pretty hard not to listen. They all have high, annoying voices and keep talking over the top of each other.
‘Mrs Briggs,’ says one girl. ‘What a bitch. I can’t believe I have her again this year.’
The name catches my attention, and then the voice. I know those voices.
The loudest is Beth Mahoney, but I also recognise Naomi Tran. That means the other two girls must be Ellen and Matilda.
I freeze right where I am, bent over the wall. If they look to their left, they’ll see me.
I never found out for sure that they emailed the fake photo of me doing things I’ve never done to a guy I’ve never met, to the entire year level. Mum reported it and all four got called separately to speak to the principal, but there was no evidence. I moved schools soon after.
They’re going to recognise me any second, and then I don’t know what they’ll do. Play nice, as if it never happened? Pick up the bitchy comments from where they left off? Part of me used to like the verbal wars, bothparties slashing away at each other, with the meanest words we could think of, but I’m not that person anymore.
I get a strange flash of memory, a snippet of Shyness rushing at me. Standing at the top of an Orphanville tower with Wolfboy next to me, looking out at the dark suburb and the starry sky overhead. Feeling as if I had my whole life ahead of me, glittering and mysterious. The opposite of what I’m feeling now.
I straighten up and walk away, expecting my name to be called out at any moment. My legs are shaky. Soon I’m a hundred metres up the path, and when I turn around, the mean girls are coloured specks in the distance.
I cut across the nature reserve to the main road, breathing in exhaust fumes from the cars. The photo was the final way of telling me I didn’t fit in at that school, and never would. That everyone else in my year level believed it so easily meant they already thought I was that kind of person anyway. And what had I done to deserve that? Grow up in a rough area? Did being from Plexus Commons automatically mean I was a slut?
But then following that was the night. The night in Shyness that seemed to be the start of everything working itself out. And maybe, if what Ortolan said is true, it was the same for Wolfboy.
He sounded endearingly hesitant in the voicemail. And Lupe leaving is a big deal. She’s one of his closest friends.And he said something about Paul. Paul was nice. I shake my head to clear it. No. No. No.
Cars whiz past me, and a guy leans out of a Valiant and whistles. I hold my head high, pretending I’m on the side of the road in America, or Spain, or Iceland, and I’m about to hitchhike somewhere really cool. You’d be amazed how I can make myself believe my own fantasies. The road wobbles and shimmers ahead.
nine
Diana waits for me at the
door of the shop, as if everything is normal. She’s covered from head to toe in flapping shreds of colour: mostly red, but with touches of yellow, blue and green. A peaked red hood covers her head. My stomach is jumping. I don’t know if Ortolan has really forgiven me for failing to show up on time last night.
‘Jet-ro!’ Diana hugs my legs, her face turned up to me. ‘Where will you live when the moon goes away?’
I pull a face to make her giggle. ‘I’ll live with you on a boat, Flopsy. We’ll be pirates.’
‘Silly!’ she says approvingly, and drags me up the stairs.
She lets go of my hand and squawks around Ortie’s bigwork table, flapping her arms up and down. Her cheeks are flushed.
‘What are you, Flopsy? Are you a superhero?’ But she is already too caught
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