Rage by Kaylee Song Page B

things to do.
    Sean had done the same in this garden, potting complimentary herbs with each different type of plant, but he’d gone bigger with the whole idea.  This was an entire big garden bed for me.  The works.  Familiar but better.  He’d wanted it to tempt me to come home.  To stay.
    I sighed.  If I’d known what was going to happen, I would’ve said yes.  If it would have saved him, I would’ve been here with him, working on this. 
    I blinked and brushed my forehead with the back of my wrist.  Thinking about him would only put me right back down in that funk, and I needed a clear head.  I shook away the thoughts that kept trying to creep in and focused on what I was doing.
    It felt good to actually be doing something.
    “I should’ve never left.” The words escaped before I realized what I was saying, but they were out.  We were going to talk about it.
    “Why did you leave?”
    I shrugged.  Explained as honestly as I could.  “It was too much for me, losing my dad.”
    He nodded.  Toed the dirt, still not meeting my eyes.  “It was hard, but we could’ve gotten through it.”
    He was mulling aloud. 
    I knew what he were this was going before he said it.  Knowing didn’t take the sting out of it though.
    “You didn’t just leave your brother.  You left me.  Why?”
    I thought after all these years he’d let it go, but that was stupid.  Cullen was not that kind of man.  He was always the kind to hold a grudge.  To hold onto his anger.  To hide fear and pain and keep it close so he could use it to push himself.  He didn’t forget.
    To be fair, I hadn’t either.
    I knew exactly why I made the choice to go to Chicago.  I hadn’t lied.  It really did have a lot to do with my father’s death.  But there had been other reasons too…
    I looked at him and bit my lip.  He wanted to know.  He needed to know.  He wasn’t going to like it, though.  I told him anyway.  “Because I knew who you were, and I knew you were never going to change, Cullen.”
    “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
    I sighed, went back to the weeds.  We had still been in high school.  I was a freshman and he was a senior, but we were basically joined at the hip.  Whenever I wasn’t in class I was all wrapped up in him.  His arms always around me.  His body always touching mine.
    We had been shy as kids, but by then? Well, we hadn’t thought were we kids anymore.  And it had blossomed fast.  By that time, things were so intense, we couldn’t stand to let the other go.
    One day after school we were in the parking lot.  He’d just gotten his new bike running and he wanted to show it off.  It was an old junker, a piece of shit he’d spent months working on.  He was so proud of it.  He and Sean started bragging a little.
    Maybe they pissed Nick Flannigan off, strutting around like peacocks, or maybe Nick was just an ass.  Whatever it was, the jock rolled his eyes when he came out of the school and got on his Asian sports bike.  But before he took off he spat out, “Dumb shits.  That thing is a pile of junk.”
    The guys would have been pissed off enough at that, but Nick didn’t stop.  His eyes raked over me, his lip curling.  “Heh, is this one training to be a club whore like your mom?”
    Nick took off before Cullen could grab him, but he didn’t let it stop him.  Next thing I knew Cullen was on his “pile of junk” and racing after Flannigan, speeding through the parking lot to catch up. 
    Nick must’ve realized what was up because he gunned it, and the two of them took off down the long drive, taking corners way too fast.
    They were neck and neck on the last one, but it was too much speed and the two of them wiped out.  I remember screaming, their bikes sliding away while each of them lay in the road.
    Except Cullen stood up, and he walked toward Nick and pulled him up off his ass.  Nick staggered, but Cullen beat him anyways.  His fist flying into his face over