Refugee Road (Freedom Fighters Series Book 1) by Nikki Landis Page B
Authors: Nikki Landis
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arms around me, and covered my mouth with his hand. Frightened, I dare not move.
“Shhh,” he whispered so quiet I barely heard him.
I nodded and he released his hand from my mouth but kept me close against him. I could feel his heart beating quickly as I pressed against his chest, the wild thumping seeming to echo in his chest and transfer to mine. His forehead was creased with concern, as we listened in the dark, waiting for the sound of planes. It must have been a long time because I fell back to sleep and awakened to the sound of deep breathing.
Darren was asleep next to me, one arm thrown around my waist, hugging me close. I lay there quietly, thinking of his proposal. Part of me considered it for a few brief seconds and then I thought of Alec. I didn’t really want to be alone. The idea of love was enticing, to spend my last days happy with my lover, but that was not my path. I could feel it. I knew deep inside that it wasn’t meant to be.
My mission was revenge, clearly premeditated, clearly violent. Practically a suicide mission. The chances of survival were slim but maybe, just maybe, I could take a few of the bastards with me when I died. Vengeance meant more to me than any other emotion. It dominated my thoughts. Took refuge in my heart. I needed it. Craved it. Lived for it.
Eventually, I would have to tell Darren. For now, in this moment, it didn’t matter. I would let him down easy in time. I could never be with him. Or marry him. I wasn’t going to marry anyone. It wasn’t in the plan for me, cruelly ripped out of my destiny by the militia whose bombs had taken the last of my humanity, the last part of me that truly cared and loved.
That girl from my past was gone. The girl that danced all night with Alec in the moonlight. The girl who enjoyed her first kiss. Her first dance. She didn’t exist anymore with her high ideals and girly innocence.
As I lay there, I knew I would have to tell Alec the same thing. I had made a mistake letting him, both of them, kiss me. Neither of them had a claim on me. And neither of them could compete with the vengeance that consumed my heart with a raging inferno, burning high enough to reach the heavens. My feelings, whatever they were, for either man were secondary. Love was the last thing I wanted. Or needed. It was the last thing I would pursue.
Darren knew the real me now but it wasn’t enough. Not enough to change my mind or alter the course I was headed on. It wasn’t enough to erase the pain. The anger. The hate. He would never be able to fill the gaping hole that night left behind, never be able to repair the damage. He certainly claimed that he could. He had been trying for a long time. But he couldn’t. And that was that.
There was an ugliness inside me now. Since that day it had been growing and festering. I was only dreaming if I thought Alec could be the one to repair it. If either of them could heal me, could control the lust for blood and revenge, it was Alec. Out of the two, I had no doubt who the victor would be. If any section of my heart still remained intact then it certainly belonged to Alec. But he was in love with a vision, a specter of my past. Not me.
Darren would hate me if I ever told him that. If I admitted that my love had already been given long ago, to a man who had claimed me one night many years before Darren and I ever met. I must not elude to it. He would react impulsively and I had no room for his drama, no matter what it would entail. I had to lock my heart away from them both. My mind resolute, my heart closed off from further pain and agony, my thoughts drifted again.
Darren and his group are the ones that found me that morning in the early dawn. The sounds of my crying and screaming had brought them running. He found me soaked in so much blood they didn’t think I was going to survive. I was holding Lydia, her organs spilling out of her body and onto my lap without my notice. I had been moaning and rocking her against
“Shhh,” he whispered so quiet I barely heard him.
I nodded and he released his hand from my mouth but kept me close against him. I could feel his heart beating quickly as I pressed against his chest, the wild thumping seeming to echo in his chest and transfer to mine. His forehead was creased with concern, as we listened in the dark, waiting for the sound of planes. It must have been a long time because I fell back to sleep and awakened to the sound of deep breathing.
Darren was asleep next to me, one arm thrown around my waist, hugging me close. I lay there quietly, thinking of his proposal. Part of me considered it for a few brief seconds and then I thought of Alec. I didn’t really want to be alone. The idea of love was enticing, to spend my last days happy with my lover, but that was not my path. I could feel it. I knew deep inside that it wasn’t meant to be.
My mission was revenge, clearly premeditated, clearly violent. Practically a suicide mission. The chances of survival were slim but maybe, just maybe, I could take a few of the bastards with me when I died. Vengeance meant more to me than any other emotion. It dominated my thoughts. Took refuge in my heart. I needed it. Craved it. Lived for it.
Eventually, I would have to tell Darren. For now, in this moment, it didn’t matter. I would let him down easy in time. I could never be with him. Or marry him. I wasn’t going to marry anyone. It wasn’t in the plan for me, cruelly ripped out of my destiny by the militia whose bombs had taken the last of my humanity, the last part of me that truly cared and loved.
That girl from my past was gone. The girl that danced all night with Alec in the moonlight. The girl who enjoyed her first kiss. Her first dance. She didn’t exist anymore with her high ideals and girly innocence.
As I lay there, I knew I would have to tell Alec the same thing. I had made a mistake letting him, both of them, kiss me. Neither of them had a claim on me. And neither of them could compete with the vengeance that consumed my heart with a raging inferno, burning high enough to reach the heavens. My feelings, whatever they were, for either man were secondary. Love was the last thing I wanted. Or needed. It was the last thing I would pursue.
Darren knew the real me now but it wasn’t enough. Not enough to change my mind or alter the course I was headed on. It wasn’t enough to erase the pain. The anger. The hate. He would never be able to fill the gaping hole that night left behind, never be able to repair the damage. He certainly claimed that he could. He had been trying for a long time. But he couldn’t. And that was that.
There was an ugliness inside me now. Since that day it had been growing and festering. I was only dreaming if I thought Alec could be the one to repair it. If either of them could heal me, could control the lust for blood and revenge, it was Alec. Out of the two, I had no doubt who the victor would be. If any section of my heart still remained intact then it certainly belonged to Alec. But he was in love with a vision, a specter of my past. Not me.
Darren would hate me if I ever told him that. If I admitted that my love had already been given long ago, to a man who had claimed me one night many years before Darren and I ever met. I must not elude to it. He would react impulsively and I had no room for his drama, no matter what it would entail. I had to lock my heart away from them both. My mind resolute, my heart closed off from further pain and agony, my thoughts drifted again.
Darren and his group are the ones that found me that morning in the early dawn. The sounds of my crying and screaming had brought them running. He found me soaked in so much blood they didn’t think I was going to survive. I was holding Lydia, her organs spilling out of her body and onto my lap without my notice. I had been moaning and rocking her against
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