until I just couldn’t drive anymore—found a hotel and collapsed for about six hours. This was my routine every day for a week until I instinctively made my way back to Milwaukee.
It was late and the streets looked abandoned. I parked Karma in her old spot and grabbed what few belongings I had acquired over my week’s journey. The air was stagnant and muggy, and the cricket chirps were amplified by the stillness. The familiarity of my loft embraced me. Everything was just how I’d left it. I’d thought my return would be to move everything to Chicago … with Quinn. Instead, I found myself doubting if I would ever move back, if I would ever see Quinn again.
The next morning I realized I had two choices: waste more precious time grieving a love that wasn’t meant to be or move on. I was familiar with the former, so I chose the latter. A long run followed by yoga and meditation brought out the strong and peaceful Addy I hadn’t seen in the mirror for quite some time. The dull ache in my heart was still there; it was a constant reminder of how much I’d lost, but also how much I’d loved.
“ Surprise! ” I yelled out as I walked into the Café.
“ Well, I was when I saw your car out back this morning. ” Jake smiled as he walked toward me.
“ Missed Karma, didn’t you? ”
He hugged me leaving my feet dangling in the air. “ Karma? No. You? Definitely. ”
I rubbed his head. “ Chrome-dome no more? I like it. Copper blond reminds me of my dad. ”
He set me down and ran his fingers through his short stubbly hair. “ Less menacing. ”
“ Since when do you want to be less menacing? ”
“ Since I started getting more satisfaction from the kitchen and less from the fighting ring. ”
“ Mmm, I’m glad to hear that. I’m starving. Why don’t you show me your latest masterpiece? ”
“ Absolutely. Have a seat and I’ll be right back. ”
Jake returned with a plate of lemon-blueberry pancakes topped with maple cinnamon syrup.
“ These look amazing, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t run far enough this morning to eat all of them. ”
“ You look thin, too thin. Don’t get me wrong, you’re beautiful, but thinner than I remember. ”
I smirked and nodded my head while I shoved in a large bite. “ Fair enough, ” I murmured with a full mouth.
I had unintentionally lost weight since Quinn’s accident. All my focus and attention had been on him. When Mac and I left for a year after the fire I lost a lot of weight. Some people eat when they’re stressed or grieving, but not me. I couldn’t think about food until someone forced it down me.
“ I’ve had too much on my mind to think about food. ” A painful smile etched my face.
Jake leaned back in his chair, lacing his fingers behind his head. “ A chef who hasn’t had time to think about food, huh? Sounds troubling. ”
“ You could say that. ”
“ I take it you’re not here just to check up on me. ” He winked and flashed his boyish grin.
Savoring the delicious lemony sweetness in my mouth, I contemplated how to answer. “ I left Quinn … or he left me. I’m not sure, but we’re no longer together. ”
Just as quick as I gained back my appetite, saying those words aloud robbed me of it again. I knew we were over, but that was the first time I acknowledged it since I’d left New York. I could barely swallow the bite I had in my mouth.
Jake looked at me with wide eyes and a slack mouth. The silence between us confirmed it.
“ Hey, I’m going to go shower. I’ll take the rest of the pancakes with me and bring the plate down later. If that’s ok? ”
“ Addy, I don’t know what to say. ”
“ I just didn’t want them to go to waste, so I thought— ”
“ I’m not talking about that. ”
I stood up and rested my hand on his shoulder. “ I know you’re not. You don’t have to say anything. There’s really nothing to say. I’ll see you later. ”
Jake nodded but said nothing. I didn’t want his pity,
It was late and the streets looked abandoned. I parked Karma in her old spot and grabbed what few belongings I had acquired over my week’s journey. The air was stagnant and muggy, and the cricket chirps were amplified by the stillness. The familiarity of my loft embraced me. Everything was just how I’d left it. I’d thought my return would be to move everything to Chicago … with Quinn. Instead, I found myself doubting if I would ever move back, if I would ever see Quinn again.
The next morning I realized I had two choices: waste more precious time grieving a love that wasn’t meant to be or move on. I was familiar with the former, so I chose the latter. A long run followed by yoga and meditation brought out the strong and peaceful Addy I hadn’t seen in the mirror for quite some time. The dull ache in my heart was still there; it was a constant reminder of how much I’d lost, but also how much I’d loved.
“ Surprise! ” I yelled out as I walked into the Café.
“ Well, I was when I saw your car out back this morning. ” Jake smiled as he walked toward me.
“ Missed Karma, didn’t you? ”
He hugged me leaving my feet dangling in the air. “ Karma? No. You? Definitely. ”
I rubbed his head. “ Chrome-dome no more? I like it. Copper blond reminds me of my dad. ”
He set me down and ran his fingers through his short stubbly hair. “ Less menacing. ”
“ Since when do you want to be less menacing? ”
“ Since I started getting more satisfaction from the kitchen and less from the fighting ring. ”
“ Mmm, I’m glad to hear that. I’m starving. Why don’t you show me your latest masterpiece? ”
“ Absolutely. Have a seat and I’ll be right back. ”
Jake returned with a plate of lemon-blueberry pancakes topped with maple cinnamon syrup.
“ These look amazing, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t run far enough this morning to eat all of them. ”
“ You look thin, too thin. Don’t get me wrong, you’re beautiful, but thinner than I remember. ”
I smirked and nodded my head while I shoved in a large bite. “ Fair enough, ” I murmured with a full mouth.
I had unintentionally lost weight since Quinn’s accident. All my focus and attention had been on him. When Mac and I left for a year after the fire I lost a lot of weight. Some people eat when they’re stressed or grieving, but not me. I couldn’t think about food until someone forced it down me.
“ I’ve had too much on my mind to think about food. ” A painful smile etched my face.
Jake leaned back in his chair, lacing his fingers behind his head. “ A chef who hasn’t had time to think about food, huh? Sounds troubling. ”
“ You could say that. ”
“ I take it you’re not here just to check up on me. ” He winked and flashed his boyish grin.
Savoring the delicious lemony sweetness in my mouth, I contemplated how to answer. “ I left Quinn … or he left me. I’m not sure, but we’re no longer together. ”
Just as quick as I gained back my appetite, saying those words aloud robbed me of it again. I knew we were over, but that was the first time I acknowledged it since I’d left New York. I could barely swallow the bite I had in my mouth.
Jake looked at me with wide eyes and a slack mouth. The silence between us confirmed it.
“ Hey, I’m going to go shower. I’ll take the rest of the pancakes with me and bring the plate down later. If that’s ok? ”
“ Addy, I don’t know what to say. ”
“ I just didn’t want them to go to waste, so I thought— ”
“ I’m not talking about that. ”
I stood up and rested my hand on his shoulder. “ I know you’re not. You don’t have to say anything. There’s really nothing to say. I’ll see you later. ”
Jake nodded but said nothing. I didn’t want his pity,
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