this.”
“Pretense is not strength,” I threw back.
“But knowin’ when to bite one’s tongue is,” he lobbed in return, “and knowin’ when it’s appropriate to fight back, and when to turn away because it’s not worth the effort.”
I threw my hands up in disgust. “Then, if I’m to spend the rest of my life smiling in the face of bigotry and ignorance, the next time I’ve gone missing from a group of ‘the only people who matter to you,’ you’ll know right where to find me!”
“So, that’s what I’m to expect from now on?” he said, his voice maintaining a controlled brusque. “That whenever things get tough you’ll be runnin’ off somewhere to hide with the likes of Johnny Hutchinson?”
We’d hardly “run off” together but I could see that finding me alone with Johnny had hurt Daniel, maybe even made him jealous. I softened my tone. “We were just talking.”
“It looked like a whole lot more than just talkin’ to me,” he snapped.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked not sure if what he’d said was an observation or accusation.
He raised his disillusioned eyes to mine. “Perception is very important to people in my position, and now yours.” Raking his hands through his hair like a man torn between an unpleasant decision and an impossible one, he added, “If someone other than me had found you two out there alone, the way you were, we’d be at the office right now working on damage control.”
“As opposed to what?” I balked. “Fighting?”
“Stay away from Johnny!” he roared.
His sudden outburst should have had me pulling back on my anger, but if I backed down now, I’d never be able to stand my ground with him again.
“Issuing orders now, are we?” I took an assertive step forward. “I’m not one of your staff, nor am I your child. I’m an adult. I can talk to whomever I want, whenever I want!”
For a moment he just looked at me through distant eyes. “Are you blatantly disregardin’ my wishes by refusin’ to stay away from Johnny?” he asked. “I know it’s only been a few hours, but last I checked, I am your husband.”
I could tell that he wanted to say more, and the fact that he was holding back only added to my malcontent. “Yes, I’m your wife, your equal, not your subordinate.”
Wiping his hands down his cheeks the way a man does when he’s spent, when he is about to walk away, he looked at me with disappointment.
And that’s when it hit me. I knew what he wasn’t saying. “But I’m never going to be your equal, am I?” I said, remembering that look all too well. Though it had been on another man’s face, Finn’s face, there was no mistaking what he was thinking.
Finn . . .
I said his name again in my head, trying to see if the sting would return to call me a fool for not seeing this coming. He too had promised to love me forever. But when it had come down to choosing between his inheritance and what his parents had deemed an unworthy, no-classed social worker, he’d chosen the money. Eight months later, a boating accident had taken him from this earth and from me forever. But like the night of The Cadaver Ball, and the times since that I’d visited Nashville, I couldn’t shake the feeling of his presence, lurking, mocking my love for Daniel, my desire to be a part of his life.
“You come from money, I don’t,” I said, hurt stinging my throat. “That difference will always be the degree that separates us, won’t it? I can see it in your eyes. You’re worried you made a mistake.”
Covering his face with his hands, Daniel rubbed the tension from his forehead. “Oh, Marlie,” he sighed.
“It’s not too late, Daniel. If you want out,” I said, hiding my humiliation beneath a mask of indifference. “You can still change your mind.”
He held a palm out to stop me from saying any more.
“I love you, Marlie, and have no intention of rethinkin’ this marriage, but if that’s what’s in your
“Pretense is not strength,” I threw back.
“But knowin’ when to bite one’s tongue is,” he lobbed in return, “and knowin’ when it’s appropriate to fight back, and when to turn away because it’s not worth the effort.”
I threw my hands up in disgust. “Then, if I’m to spend the rest of my life smiling in the face of bigotry and ignorance, the next time I’ve gone missing from a group of ‘the only people who matter to you,’ you’ll know right where to find me!”
“So, that’s what I’m to expect from now on?” he said, his voice maintaining a controlled brusque. “That whenever things get tough you’ll be runnin’ off somewhere to hide with the likes of Johnny Hutchinson?”
We’d hardly “run off” together but I could see that finding me alone with Johnny had hurt Daniel, maybe even made him jealous. I softened my tone. “We were just talking.”
“It looked like a whole lot more than just talkin’ to me,” he snapped.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked not sure if what he’d said was an observation or accusation.
He raised his disillusioned eyes to mine. “Perception is very important to people in my position, and now yours.” Raking his hands through his hair like a man torn between an unpleasant decision and an impossible one, he added, “If someone other than me had found you two out there alone, the way you were, we’d be at the office right now working on damage control.”
“As opposed to what?” I balked. “Fighting?”
“Stay away from Johnny!” he roared.
His sudden outburst should have had me pulling back on my anger, but if I backed down now, I’d never be able to stand my ground with him again.
“Issuing orders now, are we?” I took an assertive step forward. “I’m not one of your staff, nor am I your child. I’m an adult. I can talk to whomever I want, whenever I want!”
For a moment he just looked at me through distant eyes. “Are you blatantly disregardin’ my wishes by refusin’ to stay away from Johnny?” he asked. “I know it’s only been a few hours, but last I checked, I am your husband.”
I could tell that he wanted to say more, and the fact that he was holding back only added to my malcontent. “Yes, I’m your wife, your equal, not your subordinate.”
Wiping his hands down his cheeks the way a man does when he’s spent, when he is about to walk away, he looked at me with disappointment.
And that’s when it hit me. I knew what he wasn’t saying. “But I’m never going to be your equal, am I?” I said, remembering that look all too well. Though it had been on another man’s face, Finn’s face, there was no mistaking what he was thinking.
Finn . . .
I said his name again in my head, trying to see if the sting would return to call me a fool for not seeing this coming. He too had promised to love me forever. But when it had come down to choosing between his inheritance and what his parents had deemed an unworthy, no-classed social worker, he’d chosen the money. Eight months later, a boating accident had taken him from this earth and from me forever. But like the night of The Cadaver Ball, and the times since that I’d visited Nashville, I couldn’t shake the feeling of his presence, lurking, mocking my love for Daniel, my desire to be a part of his life.
“You come from money, I don’t,” I said, hurt stinging my throat. “That difference will always be the degree that separates us, won’t it? I can see it in your eyes. You’re worried you made a mistake.”
Covering his face with his hands, Daniel rubbed the tension from his forehead. “Oh, Marlie,” he sighed.
“It’s not too late, Daniel. If you want out,” I said, hiding my humiliation beneath a mask of indifference. “You can still change your mind.”
He held a palm out to stop me from saying any more.
“I love you, Marlie, and have no intention of rethinkin’ this marriage, but if that’s what’s in your
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